I often ask people "who are you at your best?" and "who are you at your worst?" They don't need to share the answers to these question with me; they just need to reflect on the thoughts that arise as a result of them. I often wonder about a time when I was at my best most of the time. It would have been a time when I was most comfortable with myself; when I was confident, lived my life simply and with ease, and laughed freely and spontaneously.
It was yesterday when I remembered that time of my life. It all came to me as I was laying in Shavasana at the end of my Yin yoga session with yoga instructor, Gillian Sadinsky. I listened to her soothing voice and thought about how grateful I was that she had come back into my life after 30 years. Yes, Gillian is one of the people from my "happy" days. She quietly crept back into my circle after years of being outside of it. It came to me as a bit of a shock; the fact that so much time had lapsed since I started living at my best again. However, I shifted that thought quickly as I became thankful that I was back.
Incredibly, as I now live my life more and more at my best, I am re-introduced to the people who were part of my past "best" time. How they know to re-present themselves when I need the comfort that they offer is a mystery to me. Synchronicity is all I can come up with; being open to all that is possible, and then allowing what you need to envelop you, is how it works. Consciously stepping quietly away from those who don't align with who we are creates the space that we need to welcome or re-welcome those who do.
And so, people from my past, Gillian and so many more, are slowly and steadily re-entering my safe little happy place. I welcome them and thank them for coming back home.
Gillian also teaches Yoga Thrive ~ yoga for cancer survivors http://www.livingstudios.ca/
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Friday, September 23, 2011
Wars and Lols
I drove to the local Starbucks this morning after finishing a successful yoga session. I sat savouring a latte while sinking wilfully into the ease I had manifested earlier. As I allowed my mind to wander, my gaze moved from one end of the store and around the room until I paused at a display directly in front of me. I read the sign, “up to 80% off”. “Ummmm, that’s a good deal” I thought. I’m always up for a bargain, so I looked down at the table and scanned the covers on the books on display. Oh my, I couldn’t help but truly Lol!! I read each title one by one and quickly assessed the reason the books were so highly discounted.
“Hitler vs. Stalin”, “Deceiving Hitler”, “Battles of the Bible”, and “Deathride” were just some of the titles. Although, I am not personally drawn to such topics, I do recognize an interest of some in the history of past wars. If I were to pick up one of these books, I would be motivated to read it should the story evolve around the psyche of the leaders of such hate and destruction. And this is what moved me to stay in my seat and contemplate the reason the table was full and no one was stopping at the “80% off” sign.
The fact that all of these books rest on an “80% off” table, and, I was told later by a clerk, have been there for over a month with no movement, indicates that people are not drawn to control, violence, and destruction, but are rather, seeking love, empathy and a life filled with simplicity and ease. There really is a “dark side” and a “light side”, and each one of us has the ability and the freedom to choose which side we are more comfortable being on.
I post these photos on my blog with trepidation as it feels like blasphemy. However, they serve a purpose to make a point. I tried to think of a term to describe this type of humour or revelation, and could only think of the cartoonist Gary Larson’s “Far Side” as an example of this type of sense of humour. It is like its real, but how could that be in a world filled with such beauty and wonder? And yet, war and hatred did take place and does happen today, much to our dismay.
As I work more and more in the schools and reach out to young girls, I feel of sense of yearning for this new way of thinking and feeling. They can’t describe it, but they know they want it. They know it is where they want to be or go. They know this because it is really not that new to them; it is very natural and deep within them, and waiting to be released. They have only been influenced by the inauthentic for a short period of time. There is still a glimmer of authentic light flickering in them. Hang on to that light girls!!! It is o.k. to have fun. It is o.k. to act the way you feel. It is o.k. to “be” the way your first thought told you to be when you woke up this morning.
I wonder how long the books will remain on the “80% off” display before they are packed away in a box in the back room. I also wonder what will replace them on that discount table, or if the sign with be thrown in the box with the discarded books.
My latte is done, and I walk past the books with a smile on my face. Lols!!
“Hitler vs. Stalin”, “Deceiving Hitler”, “Battles of the Bible”, and “Deathride” were just some of the titles. Although, I am not personally drawn to such topics, I do recognize an interest of some in the history of past wars. If I were to pick up one of these books, I would be motivated to read it should the story evolve around the psyche of the leaders of such hate and destruction. And this is what moved me to stay in my seat and contemplate the reason the table was full and no one was stopping at the “80% off” sign.
There is a calling in the world today, for people to bring authenticity, strength of character, self-awareness and ethics, and emotional intelligence to their way of being. They are called, Authentic Leaders as they move through each day with one goal in mind; living their lives in line with their values and beliefs. Perhaps this display is an example of the sub-conscience and conscience way that being guided by intuition and compassion is becoming more prevalent. It is contagious and yet some are slightly fearful as it is a new way of thinking, “the new normal” as some call it.The fact that all of these books rest on an “80% off” table, and, I was told later by a clerk, have been there for over a month with no movement, indicates that people are not drawn to control, violence, and destruction, but are rather, seeking love, empathy and a life filled with simplicity and ease. There really is a “dark side” and a “light side”, and each one of us has the ability and the freedom to choose which side we are more comfortable being on.
I post these photos on my blog with trepidation as it feels like blasphemy. However, they serve a purpose to make a point. I tried to think of a term to describe this type of humour or revelation, and could only think of the cartoonist Gary Larson’s “Far Side” as an example of this type of sense of humour. It is like its real, but how could that be in a world filled with such beauty and wonder? And yet, war and hatred did take place and does happen today, much to our dismay.
As I work more and more in the schools and reach out to young girls, I feel of sense of yearning for this new way of thinking and feeling. They can’t describe it, but they know they want it. They know it is where they want to be or go. They know this because it is really not that new to them; it is very natural and deep within them, and waiting to be released. They have only been influenced by the inauthentic for a short period of time. There is still a glimmer of authentic light flickering in them. Hang on to that light girls!!! It is o.k. to have fun. It is o.k. to act the way you feel. It is o.k. to “be” the way your first thought told you to be when you woke up this morning.
I wonder how long the books will remain on the “80% off” display before they are packed away in a box in the back room. I also wonder what will replace them on that discount table, or if the sign with be thrown in the box with the discarded books.
My latte is done, and I walk past the books with a smile on my face. Lols!!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
The Fight of the Devil and the Angel
This is my time of “letting go”. I have discovered an immense sense of freedom as I release all things that do not serve me well. They aren’t necessarily “bad” things; they just don’t sit in line with what I am looking for in this life of mine. While the feeling of liberation allows me to be drawn toward all that I am, I am equally provided with an empowerment that takes me to new heights of autonomy. That is what “letting go” does for you.
It is hard to describe because it is not an actual physical act of picking something up, and then letting it go. It is so much more as it involves a full turn around in your brain. The “spin” is a new way of thinking, or as I heard the other day, “a new normal” way of thinking. Suddenly a shift occurs in your head, and you don’t allow yourself to spend any time on certain thoughts or things.
It all began when I found myself tortured by the phrase, “What would happen if.....” I realized that I said that often and every day, and each time it lead to worry and the stress of where that went. Once I was aware of how often this thought crept into my mind, I knew that I was well within the world of “holding on “. This world is one of blame and shame. It’s the one that leads to the up and down of accusations and guilty turmoil.
I was absorbed in this existence for most of my life, saved only by the glimmer of my real self that surfaced more often than not. It would tease me by peaking around the corner and smiling kindly, as if to say, “Come on over to my side to play”. And I would for a time. It felt comfortable and right, yet I was always lured back over to the dark side.
Patterns from my past, people in my life and learned reactions all played a part in the game of who would win me over; the angel or the devil. Back then, the devil could persuade me quite easily because she was the norm, the spot where I felt most comfortable. The angel was intriguing, exciting and more congruent with who I really was, but she spoke a language I was not familiar with....I was too scared to go there...
Fear is powerful. With fear comes the question, “What would happen if......” The angel fought hard. I started to wonder what would happen if I moved in the direction of where my soul was urging me to go. Where would it take me? How bad could it be, or, better yet, how good could it get? So, I started letting go of that question and focused on pushing the devil off of my shoulder. I let go of wondering where I would be in 10 years; it didn’t really matter as long as I was experiencing all the goodness of today. I let go of worrying about my son so many miles away; he is doing what he has dreamed of all his life; what’s to worry about? I let go of my thinking about my daughter moving into the depths of the world on her own in a year’s time, and instead, thought about the great adventures she has yet to experience. I let go of worrying about any ill health that I manage, and started focusing on how grateful I am that I am able to do the things that I want to do and plan for even more.
This was just the start of “letting go.” Once I allowed myself the space to throw the devil’s burden away, it became contagious and unavoidable; a natural way to be. With this comes some sadness as I release myself of relationships and ties that serve me only with “what if” memories of the past. I let them and all the fear that clings to them go, and move forward into a place of ease and grace. Freedom.
It is hard to describe because it is not an actual physical act of picking something up, and then letting it go. It is so much more as it involves a full turn around in your brain. The “spin” is a new way of thinking, or as I heard the other day, “a new normal” way of thinking. Suddenly a shift occurs in your head, and you don’t allow yourself to spend any time on certain thoughts or things.
It all began when I found myself tortured by the phrase, “What would happen if.....” I realized that I said that often and every day, and each time it lead to worry and the stress of where that went. Once I was aware of how often this thought crept into my mind, I knew that I was well within the world of “holding on “. This world is one of blame and shame. It’s the one that leads to the up and down of accusations and guilty turmoil.
I was absorbed in this existence for most of my life, saved only by the glimmer of my real self that surfaced more often than not. It would tease me by peaking around the corner and smiling kindly, as if to say, “Come on over to my side to play”. And I would for a time. It felt comfortable and right, yet I was always lured back over to the dark side.
Patterns from my past, people in my life and learned reactions all played a part in the game of who would win me over; the angel or the devil. Back then, the devil could persuade me quite easily because she was the norm, the spot where I felt most comfortable. The angel was intriguing, exciting and more congruent with who I really was, but she spoke a language I was not familiar with....I was too scared to go there...
Fear is powerful. With fear comes the question, “What would happen if......” The angel fought hard. I started to wonder what would happen if I moved in the direction of where my soul was urging me to go. Where would it take me? How bad could it be, or, better yet, how good could it get? So, I started letting go of that question and focused on pushing the devil off of my shoulder. I let go of wondering where I would be in 10 years; it didn’t really matter as long as I was experiencing all the goodness of today. I let go of worrying about my son so many miles away; he is doing what he has dreamed of all his life; what’s to worry about? I let go of my thinking about my daughter moving into the depths of the world on her own in a year’s time, and instead, thought about the great adventures she has yet to experience. I let go of worrying about any ill health that I manage, and started focusing on how grateful I am that I am able to do the things that I want to do and plan for even more.
This was just the start of “letting go.” Once I allowed myself the space to throw the devil’s burden away, it became contagious and unavoidable; a natural way to be. With this comes some sadness as I release myself of relationships and ties that serve me only with “what if” memories of the past. I let them and all the fear that clings to them go, and move forward into a place of ease and grace. Freedom.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Conversation Debut
This week our “Conversations” have been about “leading life from my authentic self”. Because Monday night was the debut of the dinner series, I parked my car a few blocks away so that I would have time to re-establish an even, slower breath and sense of calm. My perception of what others believe the leader or facilitator of such an event should carry herself was one of complete self-confidence.
I had one block to go, and I had little time to get it together. I suddenly realized that having the awareness of my trepidation was all I needed. If I felt it and was awake to it, I would be much more able to manage my reaction to it. This is one of the skills of an authentic leader. I took in a deep breath, thought about how nervous the 8 women participating were going to be, and realized that we all had a common thread. Knowing that they were feeling the angst of the worry of being “judged” allowed me to recognize that I needed to step up and assure them that this would not happen. I knew that I had the ability to create a trusting and safe environment, and I needed to do that from the moment I walked in the door.
We ordered a drink, and moved through brief introductions. I explained the process and then began the conversation. Within minutes someone else jumped in with their view of what we were discussing, then another, and another; beautiful!! The food came, and I continued to introduce new points; the women who were now forming friendships, continued to express their thoughts. Nerves were gone for everyone including me, and the evening was a success.
If you reflect on what I have described, it may tweak a vision of a gathering of women at a friend’s house or a downtown restaurant. That is exactly what it resembled. We talked about some deep “stuff” and allowed ourselves to be vulnerable at times, knowing that no one would criticize what we felt. This is the “code” of Deserving Women; no judgement, only support and compassion.
The evening went quickly, and before I knew it we were paying our bills, and hugs were being shared all around. Success is evaluated by the extent a goal has been achieved. My goal was to bring a group of women together, allow them their voice, and their feeling valued as a result. Mission was accomplished.
Lunch and Coffee "Conversations begin over the next two weeks...go to http://www.daretobedeserving.com/ for more into.....
I had one block to go, and I had little time to get it together. I suddenly realized that having the awareness of my trepidation was all I needed. If I felt it and was awake to it, I would be much more able to manage my reaction to it. This is one of the skills of an authentic leader. I took in a deep breath, thought about how nervous the 8 women participating were going to be, and realized that we all had a common thread. Knowing that they were feeling the angst of the worry of being “judged” allowed me to recognize that I needed to step up and assure them that this would not happen. I knew that I had the ability to create a trusting and safe environment, and I needed to do that from the moment I walked in the door.
We ordered a drink, and moved through brief introductions. I explained the process and then began the conversation. Within minutes someone else jumped in with their view of what we were discussing, then another, and another; beautiful!! The food came, and I continued to introduce new points; the women who were now forming friendships, continued to express their thoughts. Nerves were gone for everyone including me, and the evening was a success.
If you reflect on what I have described, it may tweak a vision of a gathering of women at a friend’s house or a downtown restaurant. That is exactly what it resembled. We talked about some deep “stuff” and allowed ourselves to be vulnerable at times, knowing that no one would criticize what we felt. This is the “code” of Deserving Women; no judgement, only support and compassion.
The evening went quickly, and before I knew it we were paying our bills, and hugs were being shared all around. Success is evaluated by the extent a goal has been achieved. My goal was to bring a group of women together, allow them their voice, and their feeling valued as a result. Mission was accomplished.
Lunch and Coffee "Conversations begin over the next two weeks...go to http://www.daretobedeserving.com/ for more into.....
Friday, September 9, 2011
Women of Courage
Next week marks the launch of Deserving Women Conversations. Such an exciting time for both me and the women who will be participating in this new experience. What I have discovered is that to register for any of these programs takes great courage given that there is the element of the unknown. “Do I have to divulge private information during the conversation?”; “Do I need to tell people how I feel?”; “What if the other women don’t agree with me?” All of these questions indicate the necessity of these conversations.
No, you do not have to share your most intimate experiences; yes, you do need to tell us how you feel, if you feel comfortable enough to do so, or listen to others share there’s; it doesn’t matter if others agree with you or not; that is the whole point of “Authenticity”. And this is the starting point of the discovery of living a life congruent with your values and beliefs. I read one of the most amazing blog posts this week on Tracy Olan’s blog at http://beautifuldayto.blogspot.com/ She is a friend and fellow blogger/photographer (check out her e-"Harvest" photography course"), and I am so proud of her for being an “Authentic Warrior” as she makes the shift to listening to her intuition and following her inner guide at the cost of, possibly, losing a friendship of many years. This is bravery at its best and the most frightening.
Sacrificing lifelong relationships for the sake of being true to ourselves is the most courageous thing that we can do for ourselves. It is a statement that some would say may be selfish, and yet others like me and Tracy believe that we are just as worthy as those we are leaving behind. The important message is that we are not abandoning these ties, but rather, taking a break from their incongruent values. We are hopeful that, in time, we will reunite should our shifts catch up with one another. However, if this never happens, we will both be of the understanding that we are different people with different beliefs and life styles, and all of that is good and fine with no judgement .
I leave you with the mantra that I live by, “Dare To Be Deserving” and urge you not feel guilty about it!!
Much love Women of Courage xoxo
No, you do not have to share your most intimate experiences; yes, you do need to tell us how you feel, if you feel comfortable enough to do so, or listen to others share there’s; it doesn’t matter if others agree with you or not; that is the whole point of “Authenticity”. And this is the starting point of the discovery of living a life congruent with your values and beliefs. I read one of the most amazing blog posts this week on Tracy Olan’s blog at http://beautifuldayto.blogspot.com/ She is a friend and fellow blogger/photographer (check out her e-"Harvest" photography course"), and I am so proud of her for being an “Authentic Warrior” as she makes the shift to listening to her intuition and following her inner guide at the cost of, possibly, losing a friendship of many years. This is bravery at its best and the most frightening.
Sacrificing lifelong relationships for the sake of being true to ourselves is the most courageous thing that we can do for ourselves. It is a statement that some would say may be selfish, and yet others like me and Tracy believe that we are just as worthy as those we are leaving behind. The important message is that we are not abandoning these ties, but rather, taking a break from their incongruent values. We are hopeful that, in time, we will reunite should our shifts catch up with one another. However, if this never happens, we will both be of the understanding that we are different people with different beliefs and life styles, and all of that is good and fine with no judgement .
I leave you with the mantra that I live by, “Dare To Be Deserving” and urge you not feel guilty about it!!
Much love Women of Courage xoxo
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
The Selfishness of September
At 10 a.m. this morning I sat down in front of my computer with a cup of tea and a piece of chocolate. I looked at the screen, and then looked out of the large window into my back yard. The window was framed with the vines that had grown over the summer. I noticed how a couple of strands fell down the middle of the window creating an uneven design. A smile crossed over my face as the silence in the house moved into the peace that I had been craving for the last couple of weeks. Many people have been commenting on how the summer is coming to end, and how sad they are that their kids are returning to school. I, on the other hand, was anticipating the calm that September brings after the busy-ness of summer.
There was a welcoming of summer when my son returned from school in May. His absence for 8 months was felt by us all. But, he is 21 and has come of age as far as independence is concerned. When I think of myself at that age, I have memories of someone not interested in the rules that parents enforce. Although, I know that these boundaries need to be communicated in order for me to maintain my household, they are frustrating for someone who has had the taste of a parent-less environment. For 4 month we worked patiently at living together while, simultaneously, giving and taking what we needed to live harmoniously, as well as, independent of one another. Balance and love intertwined.
My daughter began her last year of high school today. She asked to have her picture taken before she left the house, as if going off for her first day of Kindergarten. “It’s the last "first day" of high school I will ever have”, she told me. Unwilling to admit that she is sentimental; her request sent a clear message to me. She says that she is tired of high school now, and is ready to move on to the life that my son has settled into. They differ in personalities, wants and needs. She will not likely come home once she has gone to pursue her future....but then, one never knows I am told.......
The summer was filled with much activity, travel and fun. Crazy schedules that were exciting in the beginning and refreshing in the middle, but the novelty wore off near the end. I can admit that it was time for me to resume some normalcy by about mid August. By the time Labour Day rolled around, my son needed to head back to Detroit and my daughter needed to get back to school and leave the house daily at 8 a.m. and return at 3 p.m. Since my husband still works, this would provide me with a window of time whereby I could schedule the things that I needed and wanted to do; work and play.
I have developed a bit of selfishness as I grow older. I like my time alone, and I like to do what I want with it. I feel like I have earned it. It seems to fill the void that presented itself since my son left 2 years ago, and that will become larger when my daughter leaves next summer. And so, I sat this morning with my warm drink and sugary treat, savouring the view of my garden and thinking of what I would do next. I knew that it didn’t really matter what I chose, but rather, that it would involve no one but me. Ummm, I love September..........
There was a welcoming of summer when my son returned from school in May. His absence for 8 months was felt by us all. But, he is 21 and has come of age as far as independence is concerned. When I think of myself at that age, I have memories of someone not interested in the rules that parents enforce. Although, I know that these boundaries need to be communicated in order for me to maintain my household, they are frustrating for someone who has had the taste of a parent-less environment. For 4 month we worked patiently at living together while, simultaneously, giving and taking what we needed to live harmoniously, as well as, independent of one another. Balance and love intertwined.
My daughter began her last year of high school today. She asked to have her picture taken before she left the house, as if going off for her first day of Kindergarten. “It’s the last "first day" of high school I will ever have”, she told me. Unwilling to admit that she is sentimental; her request sent a clear message to me. She says that she is tired of high school now, and is ready to move on to the life that my son has settled into. They differ in personalities, wants and needs. She will not likely come home once she has gone to pursue her future....but then, one never knows I am told.......
The summer was filled with much activity, travel and fun. Crazy schedules that were exciting in the beginning and refreshing in the middle, but the novelty wore off near the end. I can admit that it was time for me to resume some normalcy by about mid August. By the time Labour Day rolled around, my son needed to head back to Detroit and my daughter needed to get back to school and leave the house daily at 8 a.m. and return at 3 p.m. Since my husband still works, this would provide me with a window of time whereby I could schedule the things that I needed and wanted to do; work and play.
I have developed a bit of selfishness as I grow older. I like my time alone, and I like to do what I want with it. I feel like I have earned it. It seems to fill the void that presented itself since my son left 2 years ago, and that will become larger when my daughter leaves next summer. And so, I sat this morning with my warm drink and sugary treat, savouring the view of my garden and thinking of what I would do next. I knew that it didn’t really matter what I chose, but rather, that it would involve no one but me. Ummm, I love September..........
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