Compassion for the Bully

There is always a feeling of doubt and unrest when you know that you must do something but, it may be perceived as the opposite of your intention. You know that there will be a backlash, but your conscience will not rest.  We tend to manifest this into self-blame and run away from doing what is the right thing.  However, no matter how utterly “not to blame” we are, we are still influenced by the paradigm that the other person is hovering over our heads ready to beat us down. Suddenly, we are questioning ourselves because, sadly, the approval of other people, even the bad guy, is what feeds us.

What stops us from doing the right thing is usually the result of what someone else thinks and thus the fear of losing what they are able to take away from us. It is manipulation and control that we allow them to have that disempowers us and enables them to dictate what the outcome will be. They are the adult bullies of the world. They use the vulnerability of the weak to make themselves even stronger and more powerful. These are the kinds of people that we tell children to be weary of, the people that we coach them to protect themselves against. They are the people that we teach our children to stand up to.

How brave we must think our children are!! As responsible adults, we ourselves have a hard time managing these master manipulators. It takes a great deal of courage to be able to stand up to the person who you know can squash you with great ease. They are usually in a position of authority and have many ways to work the political system of life as they have no conscience. They are masterful at the art of developing a community of support of like minded individuals who will go to great lengths to protect their master. The fact that you are part of their world is a mistake because you are a woman of great integrity and lovingkindness. They misjudged you and allowed you to enter their domain; they thought you had vulnerability written all over you.  You, mistakenly, believed they cared about you and had your best interest in mind.

You soon realize that the only reason they were nice to you in the first place was because you had something that they needed. They thought that they could keep you on their side by dangling carrots in front of you, but you are too sharp. They didn’t realize how self-confident you are and that you would never sacrifice your integrity to feed their ego. Once they got you in there, things you saw and heard didn’t sit so well. Nice one day, mean the next; disrespectful and cruel; disappointing.

This is the worst kind of bully. They are the most dangerous as they pretend to be someone they are not and then whack you over the side of the head with whom they really are. They seem self confident and strong but, they are weak and their self doubt motivates them to do anything to get what they need; approval from the top. They lie to you, they talk about you behind your back, and they give you something and then take it away without regret. Remember, they are master manipulators and they know exactly what they are doing. They become so entrenched in their pattern of bullying that they get to a point of no return. They can’t remember their lies because they tell so many and have to make up more when they get caught. They camouflage themselves in acts of good deeds and then discreetly sabotage your success.

Although, we need to have compassion for these people for they do need love, we cannot allow them to harm us. They are this way for a reason and it is truly sad. However, we do not deserve their abuse or need to fall victim to their control. We need to call them on it. Tell them that they need to stop treating us this way. Tell them not to speak to us as though we are nothing.  Let them know that you will not allow them to manipulate and control you. You may be shunned by the powers that be, and you may find that no one will support you.  You will likely suffer a loss of some kind. But feel proud that you stood up for all that is right and just and deserving. If you don’t, you will be one of them. You will be living a lie and you will be part of those who enable the members of the bully club. Taking them to task is the nicest thing that you can do for them. It is the compassionate thing to do.  Take the loss and feel the gain of the truth.