Card Making and Talented Friends

I love making cards, and I do so on a regular basis.  They are crafty and do not meet any professional standards at all.  They serve a purpose as they fill my creative needs and they allow me  to send some homemade love to my family and friends.  However, I have a few friends who have taken the art of card making to amazing and marketable levels.  Although the process provides much joy to the artist, I know that it takes effort to put aside the time needed to pull out

the paper, paint and glitter in order to create such masterpieces.

These cards captured my heart as soon as I opened the envelope flap.  A truly inspiring card will make you smile the moment you see it for the first time, and these did just that for me.  

Enjoy the inspirations that were sent to me this season! xoxo

 

"Jake in a Sweater"

by Jane Tohill

Vancouver, B.C.

"Dear Ones"

by Jocelyn Hession

http://www.zendollworkshop.com/

"Snow Flake"

by Alison Pinkerton

"The Power of Authenticity"

"The most important gift we can give ourselves is the commitment to living our authentic life.  To be true to ourselves, however, is not an easy task.  We must break free of the seductions of society and live life on our own terms, under our own values and aligned with our original dreams.  We must tap our hidden selves; explore the deep-seated, unseen hopes, desires, srengths and weaknesses that make us who we are.   We have to understand where we have been and know where we are going.  Every decision we make, every step we take, must be informed by our commitment to living a life that is true and honest and authentic to ourselves and ourselves alone.  And as we proceed, we are certain to experience fortune well beyond our highest imagination".

~ Excerpt from "The Secret Letters of the Monk Who Sold His Ferrari" by Robin Sharma

I wish you all the Resolution of Authenticity as you move into 2012 ~ much love, diana xoxo



Not So Gentle Reminders

Just when you think you have it all together and then big awakenings appear out of nowhere; the kind that spin your head around and bring you back to reality really fast. It all started 4 months ago when I started feeling incredibly healthy. I woke up every morning without any stiffness in my fingers or toes, and I had energy like I haven’t had in years. I felt like a normal healthy human being without any health problems. It was like I was 30 years old again, and ready to do the world by noon.

I tried not to think about it and just enjoy this welcoming feeling of good health, but thoughts of wondering if I was in remission kept seeping through; was it really possible? Rather than set myself up for the chance that I was just having a good couple of weeks, I decided to go with it and do whatever felt good and talk to my rheumatologist during my 6 month check up this December. It is amazing how the mind and great medication can play tricks on you when things are going well. I joined a morning fitness group and started running a little bit. I pulled out my ski machine and incorporated it into my cardio workouts. Every day, I woke up a little earlier and stayed up a little later. I was mindful about certain physical limitations but, I found out soon enough that I was not mindful enough.

After 3 months of gradually increasing my running mileage and adding more time on the ski machine, along with, less sleep and more work, I hit the proverbial wall of injury. An acute Achilles tendon pull has left me icing and stretching my ankle and a calf muscle knot that refuses to release. I am still able to use my recumbent bike and work on my strength training with limited exercises at home for the time being but, I am finding it difficult succumbing to the slowing down of activity. To add icing to the cake, I managed to burn my arm on a lamp whose shade broke and fell off while I was trying to rush getting ready for a holiday event 4 days ago. The result is a third degree burn which is on the verge of infection due to my immune suppression. And so goes the incessant regression to patterns of long ago!

My rheumatologist visit came and went with a stern message that running would never be on my agenda again, and that, “yes, you are in a medicated remission, but take heed that the medication is the key ingredient of this feeling of wellness.” I was advised that I should go back to a balanced style of living and to be grateful that I am able to manage my disease as well as I do. It is a not so gentle reminder that when things are going well, we may just want to sit in the joy of it, rather than seek something better or more than what we are given. There are always two paths to take when empowerment comes our way; one is to use it to seek more gain which often takes us to a place of need and greed, and the other is to be thankful for an unexpected gift and to savour what it has to offer.

Our Feeling of Family

When I was a child, Sunday mornings were sacred. Not necessarily in a religious sense, although there was that as well, but sacred in a way that we celebrated the experience of a peaceful morning. We did go to 9 a.m. mass every week, and it was mandatory and never questioned. At that time, I didn’t appreciate that hour sitting in the church or listening to the priest’s sermon. I sat on the hard wooden pew trying to concentrate on what was being said as my mother encouraged me to “listen to the message”; my mind raced on thoughts of anything but. My little body felt like there was a ping pong ball being paddled from one end of it to the other as I tried to “sit still” like my sisters did.

I remember looking over at my father as he sat quiet, stoic, with his hands folded one on top of the other and his eyes closed. I wondered why he was allowed to sleep while I had to listen to the man in the robe. I challenged my mother on this one time, and she told me that my father was not sleeping, but that he found having his eyes closed allowed him to listen better; she never did mention whether or not the snoring helped his listening skills as well. I did my best as the minutes ticked away because my reward was stopping at the local “Mister Donut” on the way home for those amazing Long Johns with whipped cream.

Once home, we all sat in the living room in our Sunday best and engaged in reading the newspaper or a good book while we discussed current events and intricate plots while savouring our dessert. Having already sat for most of the morning and needing to burn off some energy, the sugar intake took over and prompted me to yearn for a change of stimulation. My mother took my cue of endless shifting on the couch, and gathered the 5 albums we owned and placed them on the stereo turn table. The dynamics in the room quickly shifted as my mother and I listened and sang to Dean Martin, Doris Day, Bobby Darin, Frank Sinatra and Tony Bennett. My father and sisters were amazingly focused as they continued to read and disregarded the background music.  I often wondered why they so opposed having fun. I was always astounded at how long they could hold out and ignore us.

After singing through Dean and Doris, I was usually ready to move my body. We owned a foot ottoman that served me well as a small stage and a wooden pill crusher (brought over from Indonesia long ago by my father) as a microphone. Bobby Darin’s “Artificial Flowers” was my favourite as it had an upbeat tempo and it made me feel joyful (it wasn’t until later in life that I realized how sad the story that he sang was). As I sit here, I envision a young girl dancing and singing with abandon. She has no cares, and she is living in the moment; so care free and so happy; so filled with joy.

Yesterday, I sat working at my computer which faces our sitting room, and I saw my daughter and her dad reading the paper and drinking coffee together. I was filled with memories of this piece of my childhood, and I reflected on how traditions, rituals, and our nature are, unconsciously, passed down through the generations. It wasn’t long before my daughter’s need do move prompted her dad to put Michael Jackson on the ipod dock. I closed my computer, and my husband put his newspaper aside. I could feel my body wanting to move to the music, and I went with it. There was that familiar feeling of joy again.

We didn’t go to mass that morning, and we didn’t eat any donuts, but we all started the day with our own unique family rituals; our own "feel-goods". Our feeling of belonging, our feeling of comfort, our feeling of joy; that is what I know is our feeling of family.

Click here to listen to "Artificial Flowers" by Bobby Darin

Create, Experience and Enjoy

I have been struggling with the “shoulds” of my life for a very long time. I used to find them and, what came with them, extremely frustrating because they usually presented themselves during times in my life that, by our cultural standards, “should” have been joyful times. The days and weeks before a Birthday, Thanksgiving, or Christmas would be filled with anxiety and trepidation. I yearned for feelings of excitement but, blocked them out as I was bombarded with the heaviness of how others expected me to celebrate each event. Any time I became brave enough to voice how I or my family wanted to move through a holiday, I was challenged on how it “should” be done. I usually ended up feeling guilty, defensive or shameful for suggesting a different way, and then succumbing to someone else’s way to keep the peace.

I now understand where these feelings came from as my needs and wants were not respected. We are living in a time when each of us has a voice that needs to be heard and considered. Paired with compromise and compassion, all of our needs and wants can be met. Expectations can be mind benders when combined with our inner critic. We have an intuitive vision of how we would like something, an event or celebration, to transpire, and then thoughts of what others expect pop up, and we allow these thoughts to squash what we envisioned.

Our intuitive dreams are reflections of our creative, true selves, and we need to take responsibility for bringing them to fruition. If we listen to our inner critic, and only consider what others' want, we are abandoning ourselves. And the question then arises, “Am I not as deserving of my dreams as the other people in my life are?” That uncomfortable feeling that you have when you continually provide others with what they want, and continually sacrifice your own longings, is not sacrifice; it is Authentic betrayal.

You are deserving of creating your own traditions and relishing in celebrating all that comes with them. Create, experience and enjoy!!!!!

Talk of Life ~ Kingston Whig Standard, December 3, 2012

Recovering From Busy

"Busy, Busy, Busy"

We come from a culture of acute “busy-ness.” Everywhere I go, I hear the word “busy”. It is the response to “How are you?”...”I’m busy!” It is the excuse for not calling someone back or not ever calling at all ....”I’m busy!” It is what people say when they fail to follow through on something they promised they would do.....”I’m soooo busy!” Saying that you’re busy has become the norm, an accepted reason for not connecting with those we love.

Being busy has become a state of mind, an addictive drug that takes over from the moment you wake up until you lay back down on your pillow at night. Even in the dead of night, it calls to you as lists upon lists fly around in your head keeping you from falling asleep. Therapists encourage people to keep a pen and paper by their bedside so that they can write their lists down instead of having them endlessly swirl around in their mind. Great idea but, how “busy” have we become when we can’t shut it all down and lay in peace?

Some use the act of being busy as a form of fitting in to some kind of “busy” club. Hearing the term “I’m busy” seems to trigger the need to be busy and want to brag about it. “Everybody is busy so, I should be too.” Of course, this is all a matter of perception and, when we go to this side of the thought process, we are deep into the ego. And, the cycle begins. “I’m busy!”......ego arrives......”Oh, I know. I have been so busy too”.....ego grows....”Well, I have been working day and night; so busy”.....ego heightens.....”I hear you, the kids are in 5 activities, and my husband never helps out”.......ego intensifies......”Ours too!! Well, I need to get going, soooo busy!” Great camaraderie builds as keeping score of “busy-ness” is completed.

Then there are those who become offended by the term “I’m busy”. I am one of the offended. I try not to let it affect me but, I too, have an ego, and have trouble suppressing it from time to time. I interpret the phrase “I’m busy” as rude, somewhat demeaning and very sad. Rude, because the busy person is basically telling me that all their “busy-ness” is more important than spending time with me. Demeaning, because continuously telling me that you are “busy” seems to create a thought that you are somehow better than I am because you are so busy. Of course, this is my problem, my perception, my ego but, then there is the sadness....

I am sad that we are all so busy. The truth is that it is a choice that we all make, “To be or, not to be”....busy. I am selfish. I don’t want everyone I know to be that busy; so busy that they don’t have time to stop and have a coffee and chat; so busy that they don’t have time to send a Christmas card or bake one batch of sugar cookies; so busy that they can’t stop by for a holiday drink. I am an old soul who wants the good ole days back again. I want visions of sugar plums dancing in my head at night instead of long lists of what I need to do the next day, the next month and the next year. I want us all to move through each day with as much ease as possible. I want our lists to have a few fun things on them. And, when I ask someone how they are, I want them to tell me how absolutely amazing they are. But, I understand, we're all busy.....

Find more on "Recovery from Busy" in this Saturday's "Talk of Life" column in the Life Section

Sublime

As I sit at my little desk and glance out the window at the snow on the trees, I am filled with a sense of wonder that I haven’t been able to see the beauty in its arrival for many years. The want and the need to run away from it has been so prevalent that my pattern was to look at it with disgust and count the days until spring arrived. This has all changed as I shift into a completely different mindset that includes maintaining Kingston, Ontario as my home base and, perhaps spending some time down south during the colder season. For now, the plan is to nestle in to a smaller home here and focus on all of my creative endeavours.

Combining my leadership work with writing and art is the direction that I am drawn to. Lately, I have met and am inspired by so many exciting and authentic individuals who have been brave enough to jump into the world of mixing work and creative expression. They seem to do it with much ease and I feel that I am most comfortable in this space as well.  When I heard about Kaye-Lee Patony's (artist & psychotherapist) workshop, "Sublime; reclaining our innocent adolescent girl" I dove in head first.  We spent the day engaged in insightful exercises which included working from our heads and our hearts. 

This collage is an expression of “who” I am right now in this moment. I have created many vision boards that represent the direction I would like to take in the future, but never have I been asked to create a board that represents my present being, right now, as I am today. It was tough, mind provoking and it required hours of my time. I was unable to finish the collage at the workshop 2 weeks ago. I needed to take it home and walk by it several times a day before I could even sit in front of it again.

I took the task of communicating my current self through the use of images quite seriously. It was daunting and haunting me. I became annoyed a few times as I passed by and looked at what I had already glued down....stuck and unable to pull off of the board and replace with something more “positive”. I wasn’t sure what the significance of the woman running away from the little devils represented or why I thought that this resembled anything in particular about me.



Then yesterday I realized that the picture was extraordinarily accurate and extremely positive as I am determined to leave my inner critic behind me. The fact that this woman seems to be running with incredible speed to create as much distance between her and these gremlins is a true reflection of where I am right now, this very moment.

This exercise has been yet another tool provided to me in my pursuit of mindfulness. I see that just because I was focusing on the now, doesn’t mean that it can’t be part of my future. Staying awake to the signs, the gifts, opportunities and possibilities that present themselves is what it is all about. Grabbing on to them when they appear and absorbing what they are telling me will move me in the right direction, from today to tomorrow. Sometimes, there is no need to think about what is going to happen if I can live within what is happening when it occurs. Running away from the devils of the past has become an easier task as I am able to feel them when they approach and then respond. They are a part of my past, my present and they will always be with me but, I will keep them at a distance from now on.



Liebster Blog Award

I was extremely honoured to be nominated for the Liebster Blog award by  my lovely friend, Tracy Olan of Beautiful Day Photography.  Tracy is an authentic creative soul, and I so admire her determination to live her truth.  I had never heard of this award before
Tracy introduced it to me so,

 in the event that you haven't either,
here is how it works......

The Liebster Blog Award is given to up and coming bloggers who have less than 200 followers. The award is designed to recognize worthy, lesser known blogs and to help expose their work.

The rules for the Liebster Award are:

1. Thank the giver and link back to the blogger who gave it to you.

2. Reveal your top five picks {with less than 200 readers} and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.

3. Copy and paste the award on your blog.

4. Have faith that your followers will spread the love too!

Given my belief to always, always give back, following are my 5 nominations for the Liebster Blog award:

I follow these blogs daily!!  xoxo

1. Tracy Olan of "Beautiful Day To....."  Beautiful Day To.....
2. Jocelyn Hession of "Zendoll" Zendoll
3. Danielle Hession of "danny & dani" Danny & Dani
4. Ola of "Styles by Ola" Ola
5. Tammy Vigue of "Sit Still - Enlighten Up" Sit Still - Enlighten Up

The Beginning of Something Great

Last night brought an extraordinary experience my way. I have been working tirelessly to introduce a teen women’s mindfulness series to the city of Kingston. My intuition told me to offer this program to the various high schools as an extracurricular activity; much like the sports activities are implemented. I was optimistic that the schools would be as excited as I was about the offering of such a program to young women in our community. The cost was a mere $10 per student for 2 hours of self awareness and inner work; a gift of knowing oneself. In the attached proposal documents that I emailed to each principal I indicated that I had received, with gratitude, $600 of scholarship donations from local entrepreneurs, for students who could not afford this program. Much to my dismay, I was told by each principal that they did not have any time to dedicate to this endeavour. Some principals did not even reply to my email proposal; I am assuming that, they too, are busy.

I was not willing to give up, and as a result and with the encouragement of the participants of my women’s groups, I opted to run the program from my private business space. Last night was the first gathering of the participants of the Teen Authentic Leadership™ Certificate Program. The young women were hesitant at first but, within 10 minutes were chatting and sharing their feelings and thoughts without the worry of being judged or criticized. They were practicing Authenticity without even realizing it and all because they felt they were in a safe and trusting environment.

The Conversation™ was scheduled to run for 1.5 hours and we ran incredibly late as the participants did not want it to end. They were learning things about themselves that they were unaware of. The excitement of the awakening of possibility was obvious, and they told me that they did not want the night to end.

This is perhaps the most success that I have ever experienced. The vision that I had 2 years ago has come to fruition; women as young as 16 years of age realizing “who” they are and recognizing what brings them joy. How much better can this be? Each of these women has committed to participating in the full series of 10 Conversations™ beginning in January, and each of them is eager to spread the work. They are now part of the Authenticity Revolution inspired by Tana Heminsley of Authentic Leadership Global™. Bit by bit we are moving toward mindfulness and consciously practicing our true nature.

These young ladies are both remarkable and courageous. I applaud them for thinking of themselves and for knowing that there is something better out there. When I said “good night” to each of them and watched them walk out the door, I heard one of them announce, “That was amazing”. The others agreed and the hairs on the back of my head tingled; I couldn’t stop smiling for the rest of the evening. This is the beginning of much greatness. xoxo

Talk of Life

click on link below for....

 "A New Perspective On Leadership"

http://www.thewhig.com/ArticleDisplay.aspx?e=3359517

The Knowing

When you meet that certain someone, you can see it in his eyes,

There’s a stirring in your stomach and the prickle in your thighs.

You meet and hold, then move on past, but linger just a bit.

Then “the knowing” that he noticed that you may be a good fit.

There’s a place among the crowd, an empty chair beside his spot,

There’s a feeling of comfort, this is the place where you were brought.

His breath, his smile, his presence, it’s surprisingly so strong.

It’s “the knowing” that he wants the same, that this cannot be wrong.

A chat, a joke, an awkward laugh and a casual good bye,

Sitting there reflecting on what you felt; a longing and a sigh.

Then gone before I turn around, he leaves and throws a wave.

Then “the knowing” that I read it right, the look that he just gave.

The weeks of waiting brought a call, a meeting and a drive,

A belonging being side by side, a soul mate sense arrived.

It led along the water with much talk of things of trust,

“The knowing” that this was the start; the end was not discussed.

Many years of birthdays, raising children, work and all that fun,

I knew that we would be together; I knew he was the one.

Much has followed since a sunny day that hot July.

“The knowing” happened instantly, while there, just him and I.

I sometimes wonder who I’d be if that day had never come,

Would I have known this feeling that is passed on to only some?

Would I have known this joy, this bond and strong camaraderie?

Would “the knowing” still be there if he had walked right beyond me?

We celebrate his day, today; the day that he was born,

He asks for nothing in return; his course is walked and worn.

This man who likes all simple things; a walk upon the green,

“The knowing” of much kindness, love and nothing unforeseen.

Life is very simple; it’s our love, his girl and boy,

Their steps toward becoming whole, and finding love and joy.

The future as we move into this next chapter of our hearts,

“The knowing” that our love will hold us, and we’ll never be apart.

So, Happy Birthday Baby, you deserve all that comes your way,

We are so blessed to have each other to wake up to every day.

I love you to the moon and back; I’ve said it all before,

But “the knowing” that I’ll say it when you wake and sleep and even just once more.

~ Diana xoxo

Recovery to the Un-Busy

I am laying here in bed surrendering to a horrible flu bug, but not being able to leave my computer lid down. With my head propped up on pillows and Kleenex piling up beside me, I am thinking that the least I can get done is a blog post. As I type, I know, yet still wonder how we get caught in that crazy pattern of needing to get something done. It is like a drug addiction; if we aren’t busy checking something off a list, our body begins to show signs of withdrawal. The tapping of the foot, the lack of focus, and small bursts of impatient conversation are all signs of the need to get something, anything done.

The addiction to “busy” is a symptom of measuring our value according to our “doing”. In other words, how much we accomplish indicates how much we are worth. The mere processing of that statement makes one think, “how absurd; who would go through life believing that”. Sadly, most of us do fall into this without even realizing it. We slowly move into society’s expectation of achieving and perception of success without blinking an eye. The slow and steady societal pressure wins the race.

But small subtle messages appear along the way, and the finish line doesn't look that appealing any more. The feeling of missing “something” in life, and the yearning for calm is your mindfulness speaking to you. It is telling you that it is alright to slow things down and think about what really matters to you without worrying about what the “norm” is. I’m betting that if you were really honest with yourself, very few of the items on your list really need to get done today or tomorrow. Some of them may not ever really need to get done at all. Think of all the time you would have to do other things that reflect who you are and what you want.

Someone in full busy recovery will not just cut back on the “to do” list, but will erase it in its entirety and slowly replace the items with only those that they “want” to do. They will regress at times because lifelong patterns can never dissolve completely; they are embedded in that spot at the back of our heads like a sort of societal branding. Being aware of them is all we need to continue on our path of the un-busy. And with that comes, oh so many, surprises along the way.  And so, I press the "publish post" icon, and feel a sense of peace that I got that done today!!!!

"The Simplicity of the Path Ahead"

I decided to take the day off of all things called "work" yesterday as I felt something going on inside of me (flu appeared late last night), and just play!  As a result, I went out into the beauty of the day and walked and "clicked".  I didn't think this pic would turn out to be anything as I layed on the ground to get but, it turned out to be one of my favourites ~ the shadows with a bit of sunlight and the brown leaves scattered between the green grass gives me the feeling of balance during the transition from summer to fall.....

Enjoy the stillness of the day!! xoxo

Photography and Apple Sauce

This photo has inspired me to make homemade apple sauce. As I stirred the pot full of goodness, I had visions of me as a child sitting at our kitchen table colouring while my mother made her October batch of “appelmouse”. The combination of apple and cinnamon created a wafting aroma throughout the house, and I could feel the warmth of the smooth mixture over my tongue without having eaten it yet. My mother was, and still is, a cook of immense talent. She has ebbed and flow through the changing eating patterns of our society, moving from the Dutch traditions of meatballs and gravy, deep fried croquets and chicken simmered in copious amounts of butter, to a healthier style of fish and chicken accompanied by a variety of vegetables and grains. She is a progressive cook who enjoys her food, including the preparation thereof.

Fall presents a yearning for us to get into the kitchen. It is the time of harvest and preparation for winter. Traditionally this is when we cook and jar and set aside food that will sustain us through the cold months ahead. This “feeling” is not so much a need anymore as our advanced society has provided most of us with a large food supply just a short car ride away. However, centuries of having to survive has created an innate want to get busy in the kitchen to produce wholesome nourishment for our families. It has become an experience that we want to enjoy, rather than a job that needs to be done. Our “free-flow” way of thinking takes over and lets our mind wander into whatever thoughts come our way.

Sitting now at my computer as my apple sauce simmers on the stove, I am thinking of the 19th day photography challenge that has popped up in my inbox. The e-course that I signed up for has presented me with a completely different way of thinking about food. I have always enjoyed food and have taken an incredible amount of time to understand the value of it from all angles. But, this course has motivated me to “see” food in a different light; I have developed a new appreciation for how our meal gets to our table and who brings it to us. Seeing food through the lens, and then anticipating what it will look like once downloaded on the computer is exciting and rejuvenating. The biggest revelation is how this positive attention to food has inspired me to put more effort into the creation of our meals. Making space in my day to think about colour, texture and presentation has lead to healthier, more appetizing dinners for my family.

The bonus is that Tracy’s e-course has taught me a few more photography tricks that I never would have thought of mastering. This black and white production with a tint of red is created from the MultiImpression computer program that I use. Who would have thought that, when you take the time to push a few buttons and play, exciting creations magically appear!!!!

Creativity inspires us!!

A Leader's Perspective

I look at the lone red leaf amongst it's family, and see a leader in a pack. Not only is she the first to change colour but, she stands tall and proud among the rest as if to say, "come and change with me!"

Lead on my friends!!!!

The Colour Red and All Things "Energy"

Since putting my self in full work and creative mode and focusing on staying emotionally and physically healthy, I am surrounding myself with everything that provides me with energy.   Red is the colour of the base or root chakra,  This chakra is located at the base of the spine and allows us to be grounded and connet to the universal energies.   

"Beautiful Darkness"

These photos were taken as a result of an online photography course that I enrolled in with Tracy Olan.  Each day I, along with a group of photo and creative obsessed individuals, receive an email from Tracy describing a photo challenge.  Each challenge in some way encompasses the theme of "Harvest Time".  This particular challenge inspired us to think about the beauty of the darkness of the "light" season of summer coming to an end, and shifting our thoughts of sadness for the change into a celebration of the beginning of a new season

This is the 18th hole at Cataraqui Golf Course in Kingston, Ontario just as the sun was coming down at 6:15. The photo reminds me of the sadness that my boys feel this time of the year as they scramble to get a round of golf in before the sun goes down,   Avid golfers find this a bit of a "dark" time of the year as they know that they will be packing away their clubs soon.   This is somehow all balanced out with the joy they experience as they move more easily in the cool, fresh temperatures of autumn.

This was a last minute, "gotta get one more" shot.  Once I start taking pictures, I find it difficult to stop!!

I found the brightness of the sky with the sun peeking through created a real contrast with the darkness of the trees ~ pretty but, kind of eerie at the same time.  The definition of the rays streaking through the darkness brought brightness to the closing of the day.  xo

This guy, (yes, he's a guy as you can see!), does not look too happy that the sun is going down earlier as we move into fall.  I don't know whose dog this is, but I was late going to teach class that night and he was sitting by the path going up to the college. I was like a lunatic, searching for my camera in my bag (which I now carry with me because of this course) and I was begging him to "sit" and "stay" ~ He listened to me but, he didn't seem too amused ~ his expression reminds me of my husband when he is tired ~ lolz!!

Destiny Girl, Will You Come Out To Play?

Destiny Girl, come out, come out, wherever you are!!!!!

I found and purchased this beauty at http://www.zendollworkshop.com/  

She's called "Destiny Girl", and she is this month's inspiration for the

 "Talk of Life" in the Kingston Whig Standard Newspaper

http://www.thewhig.com/ArticleDisplay.aspx?e=3319703 

There's something about Destiny Girl ............ 

when she decides to visit, everything just seems a little better....... 

If your Inner Child is hiding, 

ask her to come out to play today!!!!

Moving Towards My Best

I often ask people "who are you at your best?" and "who are you at your worst?"  They don't need to share the answers to these question with me; they just need to reflect on the thoughts that arise as a result of them.  I often wonder about a time when I was at my best most of the time.  It would have been a time when I was most comfortable with myself; when I was confident, lived my life simply and with ease, and laughed freely and spontaneously. 

It was yesterday when I remembered that time of my life.  It all came to me as I was laying in Shavasana at the end of my Yin yoga session with yoga instructor, Gillian Sadinsky.   I listened to her soothing voice and thought about how grateful I was that she had come back into my life after 30 years.  Yes, Gillian is one of the people from my "happy" days.  She quietly crept back into my circle after years of being outside of it.  It came to me as a bit of a shock; the fact that so much time had lapsed since I started living at my best again. However, I shifted that thought quickly as I became thankful that I was back.

Incredibly, as I now live my life more and more at my best, I am re-introduced to the people who were part of my past "best" time.  How they know to re-present themselves when I need the comfort that they offer is a mystery to me.  Synchronicity is all I can come up with; being open to all that is possible, and then allowing what you need to envelop you, is how it works.   Consciously stepping quietly away from those who don't align with who we are creates the space that we need to welcome or re-welcome those who do.

And so, people from my past, Gillian and so many more, are slowly and steadily re-entering my safe little happy place.  I welcome them and thank them for coming back home.

Gillian also teaches Yoga Thrive ~ yoga for cancer survivors http://www.livingstudios.ca/

Wars and Lols

I drove to the local Starbucks this morning after finishing a successful yoga session. I sat savouring a latte while sinking wilfully into the ease I had manifested earlier. As I allowed my mind to wander, my gaze moved from one end of the store and around the room until I paused at a display directly in front of me. I read the sign, “up to 80% off”. “Ummmm, that’s a good deal” I thought. I’m always up for a bargain, so I looked down at the table and scanned the covers on the books on display. Oh my, I couldn’t help but truly Lol!! I read each title one by one and quickly assessed the reason the books were so highly discounted.

“Hitler vs. Stalin”, “Deceiving Hitler”, “Battles of the Bible”, and “Deathride” were just some of the titles. Although, I am not personally drawn to such topics, I do recognize an interest of some in the history of past wars. If I were to pick up one of these books, I would be motivated to read it should the story evolve around the psyche of the leaders of such hate and destruction. And this is what moved me to stay in my seat and contemplate the reason the table was full and no one was stopping at the “80% off” sign.



There is a calling in the world today, for people to bring authenticity, strength of character, self-awareness and ethics, and emotional intelligence to their way of being. They are called, Authentic Leaders as they move through each day with one goal in mind; living their lives in line with their values and beliefs. Perhaps this display is an example of the sub-conscience and conscience way that being guided by intuition and compassion is becoming more prevalent. It is contagious and yet some are slightly fearful as it is a new way of thinking, “the new normal” as some call it.

The fact that all of these books rest on an “80% off” table, and, I was told later by a clerk, have been there for over a month with no movement, indicates that people are not drawn to control, violence, and destruction, but are rather, seeking love, empathy and a life filled with simplicity and ease. There really is a “dark side” and a “light side”, and each one of us has the ability and the freedom to choose which side we are more comfortable being on.

I post these photos on my blog with trepidation as it feels like blasphemy. However, they serve a purpose to make a point. I tried to think of a term to describe this type of humour or revelation, and could only think of the cartoonist Gary Larson’s “Far Side” as an example of this type of sense of humour. It is like its real, but how could that be in a world filled with such beauty and wonder? And yet, war and hatred did take place and does happen today, much to our dismay.

As I work more and more in the schools and reach out to young girls, I feel of sense of yearning for this new way of thinking and feeling. They can’t describe it, but they know they want it. They know it is where they want to be or go. They know this because it is really not that new to them; it is very natural and deep within them, and waiting to be released. They have only been influenced by the inauthentic for a short period of time. There is still a glimmer of authentic light flickering in them. Hang on to that light girls!!! It is o.k. to have fun. It is o.k. to act the way you feel. It is o.k. to “be” the way your first thought told you to be when you woke up this morning.

I wonder how long the books will remain on the “80% off” display before they are packed away in a box in the back room. I also wonder what will replace them on that discount table, or if the sign with be thrown in the box with the discarded books.

My latte is done, and I walk past the books with a smile on my face. Lols!!

The Fight of the Devil and the Angel

This is my time of “letting go”. I have discovered an immense sense of freedom as I release all things that do not serve me well. They aren’t necessarily “bad” things; they just don’t sit in line with what I am looking for in this life of mine. While the feeling of liberation allows me to be drawn toward all that I am, I am equally provided with an empowerment that takes me to new heights of autonomy. That is what “letting go” does for you.

It is hard to describe because it is not an actual physical act of picking something up, and then letting it go. It is so much more as it involves a full turn around in your brain. The “spin” is a new way of thinking, or as I heard the other day, “a new normal” way of thinking. Suddenly a shift occurs in your head, and you don’t allow yourself to spend any time on certain thoughts or things.

It all began when I found myself tortured by the phrase, “What would happen if.....” I realized that I said that often and every day, and each time it lead to worry and the stress of where that went. Once I was aware of how often this thought crept into my mind, I knew that I was well within the world of “holding on “. This world is one of blame and shame. It’s the one that leads to the up and down of accusations and guilty turmoil.

I was absorbed in this existence for most of my life, saved only by the glimmer of my real self that surfaced more often than not. It would tease me by peaking around the corner and smiling kindly, as if to say, “Come on over to my side to play”. And I would for a time. It felt comfortable and right, yet I was always lured back over to the dark side.

Patterns from my past, people in my life and learned reactions all played a part in the game of who would win me over; the angel or the devil. Back then, the devil could persuade me quite easily because she was the norm, the spot where I felt most comfortable. The angel was intriguing, exciting and more congruent with who I really was, but she spoke a language I was not familiar with....I was too scared to go there...

Fear is powerful. With fear comes the question, “What would happen if......” The angel fought hard. I started to wonder what would happen if I moved in the direction of where my soul was urging me to go. Where would it take me? How bad could it be, or, better yet, how good could it get? So, I started letting go of that question and focused on pushing the devil off of my shoulder. I let go of wondering where I would be in 10 years; it didn’t really matter as long as I was experiencing all the goodness of today. I let go of worrying about my son so many miles away; he is doing what he has dreamed of all his life; what’s to worry about? I let go of my thinking about my daughter moving into the depths of the world on her own in a year’s time, and instead, thought about the great adventures she has yet to experience. I let go of worrying about any ill health that I manage, and started focusing on how grateful I am that I am able to do the things that I want to do and plan for even more.

This was just the start of “letting go.” Once I allowed myself the space to throw the devil’s burden away, it became contagious and unavoidable; a natural way to be. With this comes some sadness as I release myself of relationships and ties that serve me only with “what if” memories of the past. I let them and all the fear that clings to them go, and move forward into a place of ease and grace. Freedom.

Conversation Debut

This week our “Conversations” have been about “leading life from my authentic self”. Because Monday night was the debut of the dinner series, I parked my car a few blocks away so that I would have time to re-establish an even, slower breath and sense of calm. My perception of what others believe the leader or facilitator of such an event should carry herself was one of complete self-confidence.

I had one block to go, and I had little time to get it together. I suddenly realized that having the awareness of my trepidation was all I needed. If I felt it and was awake to it, I would be much more able to manage my reaction to it. This is one of the skills of an authentic leader.  I took in a deep breath, thought about how nervous the 8 women participating were going to be, and realized that we all had a common thread. Knowing that they were feeling the angst of the worry of being “judged” allowed me to recognize that I needed to step up and assure them that this would not happen. I knew that I had the ability to create a trusting and safe environment, and I needed to do that from the moment I walked in the door.

We ordered a drink, and moved through brief introductions. I explained the process and then began the conversation. Within minutes someone else jumped in with their view of what we were discussing, then another, and another; beautiful!! The food came, and I continued to introduce new points; the women who were now forming friendships, continued to express their thoughts. Nerves were gone for everyone including me, and the evening was a success.

If you reflect on what I have described, it may tweak a vision of a gathering of women at a friend’s house or a downtown restaurant. That is exactly what it resembled. We talked about some deep “stuff” and allowed ourselves to be vulnerable at times, knowing that no one would criticize what we felt. This is the “code” of Deserving Women; no judgement, only support and compassion.

The evening went quickly, and before I knew it we were paying our bills, and hugs were being shared all around. Success is evaluated by the extent a goal has been achieved. My goal was to bring a group of women together, allow them their voice, and their feeling valued as a result. Mission was accomplished.

Lunch and Coffee "Conversations begin over the next two weeks...go to http://www.daretobedeserving.com/ for more into.....

Women of Courage

Next week marks the launch of Deserving Women Conversations. Such an exciting time for both me and the women who will be participating in this new experience. What I have discovered is that to register for any of these programs takes great courage given that there is the element of the unknown. “Do I have to divulge private information during the conversation?”; “Do I need to tell people how I feel?”; “What if the other women don’t agree with me?” All of these questions indicate the necessity of these conversations.

No, you do not have to share your most intimate experiences; yes, you do need to tell us how you feel, if you feel comfortable enough to do so, or listen to others share there’s; it doesn’t matter if others agree with you or not; that is the whole point of “Authenticity”. And this is the starting point of the discovery of living a life congruent with your values and beliefs. I read one of the most amazing blog posts this week on Tracy Olan’s blog at http://beautifuldayto.blogspot.com/  She is a friend and fellow blogger/photographer (check out her e-"Harvest" photography course"), and I am so proud of her for being an “Authentic Warrior” as she makes the shift to listening to her intuition and following her inner guide at the cost of, possibly, losing a friendship of many years. This is bravery at its best and the most frightening.

Sacrificing lifelong relationships for the sake of being true to ourselves is the most courageous thing that we can do for ourselves. It is a statement that some would say may be selfish, and yet others like me and Tracy believe that we are just as worthy as those we are leaving behind. The important message is that we are not abandoning these ties, but rather, taking a break from their incongruent values. We are hopeful that, in time, we will reunite should our shifts catch up with one another. However, if this never happens, we will both be of the understanding that we are different people with different beliefs and life styles, and all of that is good and fine with no judgement .

I leave you with the mantra that I live by, “Dare To Be Deserving” and urge you not feel guilty about it!!

Much love Women of Courage xoxo

The Selfishness of September

At 10 a.m. this morning I sat down in front of my computer with a cup of tea and a piece of chocolate. I looked at the screen, and then looked out of the large window into my back yard. The window was framed with the vines that had grown over the summer. I noticed how a couple of strands fell down the middle of the window creating an uneven design. A smile crossed over my face as the silence in the house moved into the peace that I had been craving for the last couple of weeks. Many people have been commenting on how the summer is coming to end, and how sad they are that their kids are returning to school. I, on the other hand, was anticipating the calm that September brings after the busy-ness of summer.

There was a welcoming of summer when my son returned from school in May. His absence for 8 months was felt by us all. But, he is 21 and has come of age as far as independence is concerned. When I think of myself at that age, I have memories of someone not interested in the rules that parents enforce. Although, I know that these boundaries need to be communicated in order for me to maintain my household, they are frustrating for someone who has had the taste of a parent-less environment. For 4 month we worked patiently at living together while, simultaneously, giving and taking what we needed to live harmoniously, as well as, independent of one another. Balance and love intertwined.

My daughter began her last year of high school today. She asked to have her picture taken before she left the house, as if going off for her first day of Kindergarten. “It’s the last "first day" of high school I will ever have”, she told me. Unwilling to admit that she is sentimental; her request sent a clear message to me. She says that she is tired of high school now, and is ready to move on to the life that my son has settled into. They differ in personalities, wants and needs. She will not likely come home once she has gone to pursue her future....but then, one never knows I am told.......

The summer was filled with much activity, travel and fun. Crazy schedules that were exciting in the beginning and refreshing in the middle, but the novelty wore off near the end. I can admit that it was time for me to resume some normalcy by about mid August.  By the time Labour Day rolled around, my son needed to head back to Detroit and my daughter needed to get back to school and leave the house daily at 8 a.m. and return at 3 p.m. Since my husband still works, this would provide me with a window of time whereby I could schedule the things that I needed and wanted to do; work and play.

I have developed a bit of selfishness as I grow older. I like my time alone, and I like to do what I want with it. I feel like I have earned it. It seems to fill the void that presented itself since my son left 2 years ago, and that will become larger when my daughter leaves next summer. And so, I sat this morning with my warm drink and sugary treat, savouring the view of my garden and thinking of what I would do next. I knew that it didn’t really matter what I chose, but rather, that it would involve no one but me. Ummm, I love September..........

When Change Creeps Up On You

Today feels like the beginning of transition. I am filled with energy as the temperature has shifted ever so slightly. This is my time of year. The change from summer to fall is comfortable and inviting for me as I embrace the crisp air, the bright colour palette in the trees and the increased focus on work for me and school for my children. I have a quicker step and clear focus on what I want and where I am heading.

Generally, transition is a tough thing to handle for me. I feel safe and secure in the sure and steady flow of the day to day, and then “boom” change occurs. I am at calm and feel peace in my expected, but eventually, get bored and crave for something more. This brings on a surge of creativity and ideas that I cannot push out of my head. I need to act on them; they are like little gremlins swirling around my head; their persistence is unavoidable. Sometimes, I think that I might be a little nutsy as the magnitude of the number of these inspirations become overwhelming.

The funny thing about a change is that it is much easier to cope with when we are prepared for it. There’s the catch; we are very seldom prepared for most changes in our life. They usually pop up out of nowhere. Sometimes, the change is positive, and sometimes, not so much so. This is when we need to stop and slow down so that we can digest what is happening. Even when we have instigated the change ourselves, we can get so entrenched in the “doing” part of the shift that we forget to embrace what is happening. This is when we become the “list makers”; that person who is doing just for the sake of doing. Our mindset becomes, “It is a good idea, so it must be done.” We end up doing everything that the creative gremlins are feeding us, rather than, thanking them for all of their ideas, and then choosing how many we can handle and the ones that we resonate best with. Then comes prioritizing and reiterating, “This is all going to happen eventually”. And with that revelation comes the discovery that we don’t need to do it all right now.

When I am in this space, I remind myself of the soothing mantra “live in the space between my breath”.  Recognizing one's unique personality and how it reacts to change is the key to managing a transition at ease. It is futile to listen to others as they tell you how you should handle these situations. Their strategies are most likely congruent with what works for them. Remember that if you are awake to what makes you tick, you will choose a course that takes you through transition with peace and calm.

"Jolene"

I tend to pick movies off t he shelf at Blockbuster that no one else has heard of. They are films that may not have made box office but, for some reason, really resonate with me. Sometimes, I am intrigued by the stars on the cover, but often it is the movie cover or the story line on the back that draws me in.

Tonight it was the cover; the image of a young girl walking down a highway with a suitcase; on a journey with no sure destination, but the need for inner peace, as well as, love. I thought about what she was looking for and realized that is the dream we all hold and wish for.



The story turns out to be much more than I imagined as it puts a young artist in search of love and independence in unforgettable and regrettable circumstances. Always lured in by money and the idea of “love”, she continuously sacrifices her “self” for the security of love thinking it will fulfill her dream. When she finds herself within the "idea" of love, she is continually betrayed by death or deception; when she invests in the safety of true love, it is repeatedly taken away.

Compassion is all that I had for this woman, and it reminded me to be grateful for all that is presented to me as each step of her life was laid out before me. Her resilience and desire to keep moving forward toward her faith in self love is inspiring and yet heart wrenching as I watched her win and then lose over and over again.

The star reminds us that we must listen to our intuition even when the safety of money and promises tempt us to make decisions that go against our better judgement. Emotional intelligence is seldom wrong.

A quote from the movie stays with me "Life is about moments, and when you find one, you don't let go"

Go and rent this move, simply entitled, "Jolene". It will change you.

Jolene ~ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-j3Gwg2hYo

Messages Sent as Little Reminders

Since coming home from holidays, I have been working non-stop from morning to night. I’ve had my head stuck in my computer, and I am so driven creatively that I am having trouble keeping up with the speed of my thoughts. I don’t really think that I am aware of very much that is going on around me, and yet, I am still managing to get regular, daily chores completed. I have definitely been ignoring my family, but I am justifying my behaviour assuming they can take care of themselves as I am dealing with uncontrolled inspiration and September deadlines.

And then I had someone send me a little reminder, two actually…. My daughter leaned over my shoulder when she got up this morning and asked me “Why are you working all the time?” I explained to her that my programs were beginning in September and that I had a lot to prepare before then. She smiled and walked away.

Later in the day, she provided me with my second reminder. She walked into the family room, threw in a DVD of our favourite series, leaned over the couch and said, “Why don’t you come and take a little break, mom?” She had me, right there as she looked into my eyes, and waited for my answer. I closed my computer, made us coffee and watched The Gilmore Girls, all of season 4.

Sometimes we need to listen to the messages that are sent to us by a variety of sources. It is so important to listen to our own feelings, our intuition, and our physical aches and pains. However, there are times when we get so absorbed in our inspiration and motivation that we do not receive the messages that we are sending to ourselves. This is when we need to be awake to what others are feeling, thinking and sending our way. Someone else’s intuition can be just as in line with our own, and yet, relayed much clearer. It is always our choice to listen or not………

"Who" I Am vs. "What" I Do

A Gift for Your Child



http://www.thewhig.com/ArticleDisplay.aspx?e=3266119

Instinct and Protection

I used to think my dog was afraid of other dogs, but recently it occurred to me that he is simply choosy about who he associates with. He has made a very simple choice to interact with those who have like values as him. He knows who he is and what his purpose is in life, and his actions and who he associates with reflect that purpose. Jake learned long ago that the dog world consists of a hierarchy of personalities. There is always the leader of the pack and then there are those who remain submissive and do as they are told. Should they deviate from this plan, they are put in their place with verbal and sometimes physical consequences.

If smart, a submissive dog will never allow herself to become entrenched in the abusive state harm. S/he will back down at the first message communicated via a growl or stare. S/he will intuitively know where her place is in relation to her leader and the rest of the pack, and s/he will not question where s/he stands.

Due to progress and the dog’s adaptation into the people world, we have created a culture whereby we protect our pets. They are not allowed to wander the streets in packs or find their food on their own. We walk them on a leash and feed them their kibble in a fancy bowl. We allow them to befriend other dogs as they walk by or we defend them against other canine passersby who become aggressive. In a loving home, they come back to a sanctuary complete with a cozy bed and human companionship. They are bathed and brushed and pet until they fall asleep.

At the cottage that we visited a few weeks ago, we found ourselves in a bit of an awkward position. The neighbouring cottage owners had a dog called Woodley that wandered freely and took a liking to our dog, Jake. He was not aggressive and was, in fact, very friendly. He was only a year old, was extremely obedient and very, very cute....... until he decided to do the dastardly deed......I won’t describe the deed, it was simply “the deed”, and the way Jake stood there and looked at me, I knew that he was not impressed. Unfortunately, because Jake does not voice his opinion, I helped him out by shooing the puppy away....over, and over again.

My family laughed and told me to let “nature take its course” but, I could not allow my dog to be taken advantage of. Soon, I was the brunt of a joke as I repeatedly stood between my dog, the victim and the other dog, the abuser. This became a big game throughout the entire week and a source of frustration to me as I knew that Woodley was simply doing what dogs do. It occurred to me that in my pack I am the protector.

I am the she dog who will go to any lengths to ensure that my pups are safe and comfortable. I will protect them and teach them how to protect themselves. The problem with Jake is that he is now old and not so teachable anymore. He has become dependent on me and his instinct is to look to me for his comfort. I don’t know at what point in his life this shifted because I know that I did not cater to his anxiety initially. As with my children, I tried to raise a confident sociable puppy. However, somewhere along the line I succumbed to his inability to tolerate the company of other dogs. And I allowed him to just “be” where he was comfortable. Perhaps, this is the message to how we should be with our children. Maybe we just need to provide them with security while still allowing them to be who they are. No pressure to be like someone else or endure situations that they feel uncomfortable in. Maybe we can learn a little from our canine friends as they move through life guided by their instinct along with the protection of those who love them.

How Flowers Can Create Guilt

After spending some time purging the “back room” in the basement before leaving for holidays, I found a packet of seeds with the title “butterfly garden” in bright yellow letters. I don’t remember buying the seeds, and judging from the bin they were in, it must have been many years ago. I moved to throw them in the heaping garbage bag, but hesitated as I felt a surge of guilt flow through my veins. How could I be thinking of throwing out something that if cared for and nurtured, could turn into a living thing? I sighed because I really didn’t have time for this guilt nonsense, but I also couldn’t throw them out; old patterns creeping up my spine.

The envelope sat on my kitchen counter for a week and my husband finally asked me if I was going to do anything with them. I said I would get to it eventually but, I just hadn’t had time yet. “Why don’t you just throw it out?” he asked me. Not a second thought! Such disregard!! I quickly grabbed the package and went to the gardening shed where I found 4 old aluminum long abandoned pots and a bag of soil. I scanned the shed before closing the door, and noted that it needed a good clean up as well.....so much to do.....

What I did next is what a friend of mine once called “plant whacking”. It’s a procedure that takes all the beauty out of gardening, but is extraordinarily efficient. Another term could be “speed planting”. It’s when you shove some soil into the pot, throw the seeds in, shove some more soil over top and then pour some water on them as fast as you can. In 15 minutes you are done. There is no positive energy involved in this act. You could be cleaning the toilet instead and it would provide you with the same result; you simply needed to “get ur done.”

I think this is why the flowers grew as they did; tall, spindly, pitiful stems with one or two blooms at the very top. A serious analogy would equate their growth to that of a child who did not receive adequate love and attention. These flowers started their existence off with very little loving kindness. In fact, there was none at all. They were born from guilt; such a terrible beginning to the miracle of life.

As I look at them now, I chuckle a bit as I think that even the act of my writing about them is a consequence of guilt. I have walked by the window of my kitchen so many times and eyed their meagre existence, and I feel that I need to give them the attention that I deprived them of when they were little. And so, I took their picture and the time to post them on my blog. I whisper to them every day when I give them a drink, and I have apologised for having been so laissez-faire with them. I am hoping that they are the forgiving type for summer will soon be moving into fall and there is little time left for me to appreciate their unique existance.

Being Uncomfortable While Having All The Comforts of Home

I learned a lot about myself during a recent holiday which required me “roughing it”. You will chuckle to yourself when I tell you that “roughing it” for me included a cottage with beds, a kitchen, a bathroom, 2 refrigerators (one for food and one for drinks), a screened in porch, air conditioning and even satellite T.V. Laughing yet? Read on and you will  understand......

We arrived at the cottage on Gull Lake near Sharbot Lake after a 1.5 hour drive with 2 cars loaded up with our necessities. We brought clothes, food, water noodles, fishing rods, books, and a box of movies in case of a rainy day. The children would only be with us for the first week so I packed my computer for the second week just in case I was inspired to write, or to take advantage of working a bit with no interruptions. I even brought a box filled with art supplies as I envisioned myself sitting in the screened in porch leisurely making cards while looking out over the lake. I packed my yoga mat intending to re-start my practice amidst the serenity of nature, and I brought my running shoes for daily hiking excursions.

Having rented a cottage for six years when the kids were little, I knew what to expect. The first week was filled with fishing, swimming, walking, reading, canoeing, camp fires and evening card games. The family was together and we were busy filling every minute of the day. I took endless photos to save all the memories of this wonderful week together. I didn’t miss my home, my work, or anything that goes along with all that. While reading one of the three books I finished during that first week, I looked around the room to see all four of us immersed in our stories. All was well.

On Thursday of that week my son needed to leave for a golf tournament. My daughter’s boyfriend came to visit on the Friday and Saturday, and on Sunday my daughter went back home to work the following week. My husband and I were now alone for the second week. We had been looking forward to spending the next seven days by ourselves savouring the peace and quiet. No more driving back and forth into town. No more taking the kids out in the boat. No more large meal planning. We could do or not do whatever we wanted. And what seemed like a dream come true quickly became an unexpected disappointment.

We woke up the first morning, had breakfast together and then walked the dog. When we arrived back at the cottage, I could feel a sense of uneasiness in my husband. I tried to read him but I didn’t understand because he loved being at the cottage. Suddenly, I felt sad and I couldn't decide what to do. I had no desire to pull out my computer or my art work. I looked at the books on the table and thought I should start to read one but, I had no interest. I saw my camera hanging from the kitchen chair, and I let out a heavy sigh while leaving it right where it was. It was quiet but, there was unrest. I felt uncomfortable and I didn’t like it. I felt frustrated with how I felt.  Were we not capable of being alone together at a beautiful cottage enjoying ourselves? Apparently not!!

We went down to sit by the lake and after about an hour my husband surprised me by turning to me and asking if I would like to go home. Secretly, I was thrilled but, I didn’t want to show my enthusiasm too much. He had planned this holiday and I was worried that he was just offering to go home because he could feel that I didn’t want to be there anymore. I looked at him and asked if he wanted to go home. He said he did. He said that it wasn’t the same without the kids and we could do the same things and even more of what we wanted to do if we were at home. YES!!!!! I was thrilled. We decided to pack up the next morning and head for Kingston.

Many would find this crazy. Many would say we must not be happy together. Many would think that if you paid for a cottage, you should stay there and enjoy it. But, we were not enjoying it. We missed the hustle and bustle of the children. The dog wouldn’t settle in to his new environment and wasn’t eating. The mattresses were soft and neither one of us were sleeping well. We were physically and emotionally uncomfortable. Not our idea of a vacation. And so, we packed our things, cleaned up after ourselves and drove home. When we arrived at our house Jake went straight to his dog dish and ate a full bowl of food. After going to the back yard, he returned and went to his comfy chair and sank into a deep sleep. Hank assumed his position in his chair and got caught up on his newspaper reading, and I filled the rest of my day with all the things I like doing. I wrote on my computer and downloaded the cottage photos while sitting at my little desk in the corner of our office. I took a shower in our nice big tub. I went downstairs and practiced yoga. Then, I sat at my art table and made a card to thank the people who rented us the cottage for such a pleasant stay.

I did all the things that I was physically able to do at the cottage. The difference was that I was more comfortable here. It wasn’t about having all the comforts of home at the cottage; it was about being uncomfortable at the cottage because we weren’t at home. That is “roughing it” for my husband and me; being somewhere and feeling uncomfortable even though you have everything you think you need.

Having A Little Chat with God

Today I was reminded of the saying, “God won’t give you more than you can handle”. It startled me as I remember people saying that to me 6 years ago when I was initially diagnosed with Rheumatoid. The intention was to make me feel better and compliment me for being able to cope with difficulties. However, I remember perceiving the statement as me being punished for being a strong person ~ because I could endure a lot, I should receive more hardship. This didn’t seem right or fair to me, and it made me angry. I, like those who attempted to empathise with me with this saying, always thought that being strong and brave was a virtuous thing, and now God was telling me that because I was courageous he would give me more pain to deal with.

I don’t believe this is God’s plan. I envision God as a loving being who wants only the best for me. It is not any higher being’s choice to punish or see how far we can be pushed before we self-destruct. The entire universe was created in balance with the intention to continue the cycle of peace and calm. Unfortunately, we as a race decided to push ourselves to endless limits. These heights have created a human race that literally needs to “race” around to keep up with unimaginable standards and expectations.

So, when you hear the phrase, “God won’t give you more than you can handle”, remember that God gave us exactly the right amount to handle but, we chose to handle more, and more, and then even more than that. We are now on a treadmill that doesn’t want to stop and is difficult to jump off of. In the end, it really is a choice, albeit a difficult one, to slow down the race and enjoy the scenery. However, once you move a little slower and look around at what you have been missing, you may find it easier than you thought.

And so, I close by letting you know that I am taking a 2 week vacation from all things technological and work related. I am going to spend some time soaking up nature, and every morning I hope to sit on the dock by the lack and have a coffee and a little chat with God.

"Talk of Life"

"Daring To Go On The Dream Road Trip"

http://www.thewhig.com/ArticleDisplay.aspx?e=3227325

"Wake Up Little One"

My friend, “Suzie”, has moved through such an incredible evolution in such a short period of time that her head is literally spinning. Three months ago, she mustered up all the courage she had to face her destructive demons, and there is nothing holding her back now. For years she experienced many highs and lows on her way to figuring out what she wants in life. In the end, it all came down to simply getting to know herself and then being that very unique person without feeling guilty about it.

Getting to this point was not easy. She had to dig deep into her soul. This soul had been beaten and damaged so severely that she wasn’t sure what it resembled when it was healthy, if ever. She knew that it wasn’t dead because there was a little flicker of movement in there that kept tempting her to get to know and nurture it back to health. It was “do” or “die”. Suzie knew there was something more, and so she took a deep breath and became brave. She started asking herself important questions like “when I’m not taking care of everyone, who am I?”, “If I had nothing else to do, what would I choose to do?”, and “besides my family and job, what brings me joy?”

These questions seem easy when you hear them for the first time. However, when you actually sit at a table and need to start writing the answers, everything shifts; you suddenly feel numb by your inability to move the pen. You wonder how you managed to reach the ripe age of 40 or 50 without knowing “who”, not “what” you are or what you were put on the earth to do. And then there is the “joy” part. You know that you are generally happy, but “joyful”? Most people think of “joy” in the sense of “jumping for joy”. When was the last time you actually “jumped” for joy?

Twelve weeks ago, Suzie couldn’t answer these questions, and this scared her. It put her in such a state of shock that she dared to go where not many dare to go; to the depths of her soul. “Wake up little one”, she called to it, “It’s time to come out and play”. And so began this woman’s road trip to her destiny. It wasn’t long before she realized that her soul had been calling her for a long time. It had been teasing her through day dreams, tiny visions and other little clues along the way. Unfortunately, she didn’t listen because she was busy with other things. But, she was now awake and ready to follow her intuitive guide; the GPS of the soul.

It has been an interesting couple of months filled with triumphs and tears. There have been great gains and some surprising losses. The gains are easy to take and quite motivating, while the losses are disappointing and sometimes hurtful. Suzie has crossed the threshold of balancing all of the good and bad as she recognizes that the benefits of knowing who you are, doing what you want and experiencing joy far outweigh the losses of anything blocking their achievement. Suzie has decided to continue her road trip, push aside anything that blocks her and enjoy the scenery along the way.

Celebrating My Mother's Birthday at the Spa

80 Years Young