"Rising Above Your Raising"

What an appropriate quote as we continue to think about our integrity and how we apply it to ourselves and not just others. Doing what is right for us no matter how we were raised or what we were told, is a feat to be celebrated with great gusto.

In order to live a life of integrity, we need to focus on living a life congruent with our true values and beliefs in all situations. That includes the uncomfortable ones like calling someone you love to task when what s/he has done isn’t sitting well with you. It doesn’t necessarily mean that person is a bad person, or maybe it does..... What it does clarify is that what has happened is not a good fit for you.

There are times in our lives when we are treated with disrespect. Whether intentional or not, it is not deserving. Just as the person being disrespectful feels justified with her/his behaviour, so should you in bringing it to their attention that you will not be accepting of it. Questioning it or requesting an explanation only allows them the opportunity to validate their actions, and provides them with the control they feel they need. Simply stating that you will not allow them to address you that way will remove their control. It will provide you with the self-empowerment that you deserve. Just as they believe they have the right to treat you any way they please, so do you have the right to reject it.

Easier said than done, I know!!!! It’s all about “rising above your raising”. Putting action into how you really believe people should be treated. And when I say “people” it is all inclusive with you smack dab in the middle of the group being loved.

Orange, Orange Everywhere

Lately I have been drawn to the colour orange. A couple of weeks ago, I bought a beautiful summer silk scarf with shades of orange and red; I can’t stop wearing it. I then found myself seeking an orange lipstick to match the scarf. Not only did I find the perfect one, but I added an orange liner and a top coat of orange gloss. When accompanied by my new scarf, I get an instant “feel good”!!

Never before have I worn orange or, even thought of wearing orange. Before now, it would have been the last colour I would try on. Now, when I go shopping everything I’m attracted to has orange in it. Last week I went to a party, and 4 women there had orange tops on. I open a magazine and I see orange. Orange seems to be everywhere.

I was reminded by one of my friends that there is an orange chakra, and I was curious to learn more about its significance. I learned that orange governs the sacral chakra situated in the lower abdomen. It represents happiness confidence and resourcefulness. Such synchronicity given that I am the happiest and most self confident than any other time in my life. This past year, I have had to be incredibly resourceful in my quest to live my best life possible.

Looking further into orange, I found out that the positive aspects of this colour provides creativity, joy and independence. “Orange is the colour of success and relates to self respect; having the ability to give ourselves the freedom to be ourselves and helps you expand your interests and activities. It brings joy to our workday and strengthens our appetite for life! Orange is the best emotional stimulant. It connects us to our senses and helps to remove inhibitions and makes us independent and social”.

Wow!! I’m not sure if I found orange or if orange found me, but I am grateful to have it in my life; keep it coming!

The Vision of Deserving Women

This week marked the 6th session working through the Artist’s Way workshops. Half way through the 3 month authentic journey, the very Deserving Women spent the evening creating their own Vision Boards; they were true works of art. The creators were beaming as they blended the many images into one large portrait of what their present and future could be if they chose that “Road Less Travelled”. Lots of conversation and awakenings unfolded with each snip of a scissor and application of glue. The additions of ribbon, bling, buttons, beads and meaningful baubles brought out the inner child in all of us.

The energy was high with waves of emotional shifts as we realized that even the people in our lives who we sometimes complain about were included in our vision of the future. A huge epiphany presented itself when I noticed that my new vision board contained so many colours!! Comparing it to the board I made 8 years ago, I was astonished at how inner peace and contentment can change your view of the world from very grey to extraordinary hues of the rainbow.  I worked a little slower this time and have yet to complete my board, but feel much more confident in which direction I am heading. 

One of the home creative exercises for the previous week was to bake or cook something that you wouldn’t normally. The women decided on their own that they would bring a sampling of their food art to the Vision Board night. It was an artist’s feast of yumminess as the table was full of food and colour with intense waves of creative flow hovering for 3 solid hours. When all was complete, each of us told our board’s story moving from one corner to the next and then through the heart of it all. The blessing of the evening was that all stories had a happy ending.



Lover's Concerto

Lover's Concerto by Kelly Chan

On Thursday we went to see our daughter run at a track meet. On the way there we drove through an amazing thunderstorm, and witnessed lightening and the first rainbow of the season. Although the storm was spectacular (I love thunderstorms) we realized that the race may be cancelled due to the weather conditions. It was difficult seeing the beauty in a storm that would possibly impede an already fully booked next day. Another hour driving there, an hour back and spending an hour at the meet would require me being more flexible than I wanted to be on an already planned Friday.

Watching the wipers flip back and forth at full throttle was starting to stress me out. I decided to slow down my breathing and close my eyes. I moved myself into a meditation in order to focus on the moment and enjoy it. I listened to the storm and recited my mantra “enjoy the day” over and over again to the rhythm of the rain. It didn’t take long before I became calm.

We arrived at the track and sat in the car waiting for the rain to slow down. The races were delayed due to the lightening, and we listened quietly to the music on the radio. Reclining in my seat, I looked up and saw the beauty in the rain sitting on the sun roof window. The storm had stopped and the rain drops lay peaceful with the sun shining on them like a symphony of musicians lined up playing a concerto for us. The races were back on and I marvelled at how gentle the rain looked now that the storm had passed.



The Hypocrisy of Integrity

The word "integrity" stems from the Latin adjective integer (whole, complete).[2] In this context, integrity is the inner sense of "wholeness" deriving from qualities such as honesty and consistency of character. As such, one may judge that others "have integrity" to the extent that they act according to the values, beliefs and principles they claim to hold.

Many people believe that they live with great integrity. One of the exercises that I lead with in the Authentic Leadership series of workshops is the writing of your values. Incredibly, many struggle with coming up with a minimum of 5 personal beliefs. With a bit of prompting and some examples of my values, their minds are triggered and the pens start to flow. We then establish what each person’s perception of integrity is. The general consensus is “when I make a decision or choice, I will follow through with what I said I would do”. We then dig a little deeper to find out how one comes up with the decision to agree to do something, and the result is usually that they commit based on the act being congruent with what they, personally, believe in or, their value system. That is integrity and, simplified, it is the basis of authenticity; living and breathing what you believe.

Women are a loving breed. Almost all of us own values such as loving, compassionate, giving, loyal, and unselfish or some derivative of each. When we think of each other, we recognize how much we love our family and friends, empathize with those who are in pain, provide care and nurture our children, support those in need and continuously give gifts to those we love. Our general mandate is to be virtuous and to be perceived as such.

After a while, however, there appears a glitch as we provide all of these amazingly wonderful and caring things to everyone around us but, forget to provide the same to ourselves. We become that little kid on the side of the teeter totter that stays on the ground while the other kid screeches with joy as she sees the world from way up high. We start to feel resentful and taken advantage of. “How did I get here?” “I thought I was doing everything the way I was supposed to.” “This isn’t working for me anymore.” A fear curdles up inside, and begins to slowly burn. Eventually, we burn out.

Resentment takes over as our bodies begin to crumble, but even worse, we slowly lose the very essence of ourselves. It is a slow and gradual movement, until one day we sit and realize that we used our integrity for everyone else in our lives, but us. We chose to be supportive and loving to our families, loyal to our boss, and giving to strangers, but we ignored our own needs for the sake of everyone else. How cruel is that?!?! It is hypocrisy in its truest form.

So, as you sit today and contemplate how you are feeling, take the time to decipher why you are feeling this way; what is the message? The answer will come to you and provide you with the clarity to take action. Trust the feeling, rather than the perception; the feeling is real.

Birthday Poem for Jane

When seeking truth and love and hope,
I turn to Jane to throw a rope.
She’s tough and gentle all the same,
And never one to carry shame.

She lives her life as it comes her way,
Enjoying pleasures from each day.
Her life is simple, yet complex,
As she looks for the newness of what comes next.



A little black and white is she,
And yet her head brims with creativity.
She works and shops like one obsessed,
Then creates a painting; who would have guessed?

Be careful what you ask of Jane,
You may never be just quite the same.
She’ll tell you what she thinks then,
You’ll both laugh, and it will all begin again.

I’ve never met a person like her,
Or felt a friendship quite so dear.
Like sisters, soul mates, friends from the start,
It’s like we came from the very same heart.

I think of her; the phone will ring,
Her voice brought by an angel’s wing.
Always at a time that’s right,
The perfect karma, an in synced light.

Today it is her birthday, and I offer her much love,
I wish her glorious light from the stars from up above.
I hope she gives herself some grace,
To love the beauty within her space.

She deserves the world in the colour purple,
And fun and all that is incredibly “schmurple”. (no rhyme!!!)
My friend, I offer you these flowers,
To give you pleasure for many hours.

Love you Janey!!!!!!!

xoxo

Putting the Inner Critic on a Diet

Working through the “inner critic” is one of the most challenging parts of the entire authenticity process. It is the part that keeps whacking me on the back of my head with its persistent pressure for me to be someone else. It is like that person who is adamant on being right and just won’t admit that, just maybe, we can each have an opinion and no one needs to have the last word.

In reality, the inner critic is not one person, but a stadium full of people from my past and present. She consists of all the people I grew up with and who surround me and fill up my life right now; all the teachers who taught me, all the priests who delivered a sermon to me, all the bosses who employed me, all the boyfriends who dated me, my siblings who lived with me and my parents who raised me, and my husband and children who live with me. The inner critic is society itself as it surrounds and sometimes feels like it is suffocating me.

Realizing that I will probably never be able to be rid of my inner critic, I am satisfied that I have found a way to manage it to the extent that it no longer controls me. I am able to recognize its chatter and turn my head to it. I am able to hear her words and know that they are not mine. They represent the voice of all the people who had a different expectation of me than mine.

There is now an understanding that I am not interested in what she thinks I should do. She stops by, but only stays for a while. She leaves when she doesn’t receive the attention she needs to survive. Attention is her reason for coming back. Without her daily dose, she has no interest in staying. Ignoring her is how I manage her. My tolerance for her is limited, as is her presence.

Birthday Wishes for Kate

If I saw you for the very first time,

I would see your greatness brightly shine.

The outward message from your incredible smile,

Would exude compassion for a very long while.

You would carry yourself with dignity and pride,

And your gestures would hide any hurt from inside.

When you spoke I would catch your very cute lisp,

Your head would turn and your hair would thus wisp.

You would stand with your posture so straight and so sure,

Like royalty sending intentions of calm and demure.

I would see the small lines on your beautiful face,

That tell me you’ve been in a vulnerable place.

We would become friends and I’d learn so very much,

That kindness is given through a chat or a touch.

That listening is a gift that you give oh so well,

And compassion, an art at which you excel.

I would see that you always intend to have fun,

With your kids, your friends and a special loved one.

You would teach me that trust is something that’s earned,

And once it’s betrayed can be justifiably burned.

You would show me that motherhood is stronger when modelled,

And a man should be loved, but not overly coddled.

I would reap the rewards of support and your love,

And would see that one’s strength needs a break when it’s shoved.

As friends we would celebrate your special day,

And I would pray that great blessings would come your way.

I would wish you much ease to grow and evolve,

And much fewer great problems, yet to be solved.

I would hope to come true your dreams of the night,

And that day time intentions would be within sight.

I would see I’m so blessed with your presence and grace,

And that I’m thankful we met in so many ways.

As we’d move through this friendship there’s only one thing,

That I’d wish that this lifetime will certainly bring,

I would hope that your life is filled with only the best,

Including the greatness of true loving-kindness.
xoxo

dianareyers

Feel Good Music

The Blessed Jolt of Reality

I woke up this morning to this beautiful ray of sunshine coming through my front door window.  It gave me a smile on my face as I sat with my breakfast writing in my brightly lit kitchen.  I was filled with a sense of joy and a little more energy than I usually have at that time of the day as I got ready to go out for my morning coffee.  It was there that I confirmed that someone breached mine and my friend’s trust by lying about us in order to feed her own ego. Amidst the flow of coffee conversation with my friend, the story unintentionally unfolded, and we were both surprised at what had transpired unbeknownst to one another.



After a bit of reflection, I am at peace with knowing the truth. The truth has now provided me with the freedom of knowing which direction to take with that part of my life. The concept of listening to your intuition and reading the messages that your feelings provide you is what I encourage within the Authentic Leadership groups. Yet, I found myself stuck in a community of “non-support” that I didn’t have the courage to leave. Even though it is a very small part of my life, it wreaks of darkness and gives me just enough imbalance to throw my sense of joy off.   It is stronger than the light coming through my door, and it creates a fear that I didn't understand until now.  Without understanding it, I couldn’t leave it.

Today’s revelation of intentional hurt and betrayal brings much clarity to why I have that “icky” feeling when involved with this part of my life. I was waiting for the proof, rather than trusting my inner self to guide me in the right direction. The imbalance or balance of good and bad was all I needed to listen to. 

Sometimes we don’t need the proof of logic. Usually, the proof is in the clues that our feelings provide us. Anger, shame, hurt, sadness and anxiety are all indicators that something is not right in our world. Taking the time to find out what is triggering these feelings is the key to either solving a problem or walking away. At the same time, being awake to times of joy, laughter, peace and harmony provide us with the message that we are in a good place and the right spot for us. The next step is recognizing that you are deserving of all of the wonderful feelings, and that you have the choice to move away from the ones that don't feel so good.

I am blessed to have received one more jolt of reality in order to understand more clearly what route I am taking.  xo

Mother's Day 2011

Yesterday was a Mother’s Day that flowed with ease as it was balanced with things that I wanted to do, and those that I wanted to do for my mother and mother in law. It began with beautiful gesture by my daughter as she set her alarm for 8 a.m. and made me pancakes with fruit salad and maple syrup. The coffee was prepared by my husband, and the tray held the added touch of a carnation in a vase.



Once showered and dressed, I met the two mothers in my life and my father for a walk through a nearby wooded conservation area. We spent an hour strolling along, chatting, and I took a few pictures of things that caught my eye as we moved slowly around the windy paths. Afterwards we all went back to my house for lunch and dessert prepared by my husband while we were taking in the fresh air.



Late in the afternoon I got restless and invited my daughter for a quick shopping excursion downtown. On the way back home we picked up sushi takeout, and then joined the guys for dinner. My husband and I finished off the day with another walk and quiet conversation after dinner. I then lay in bed with my eyes open in the dark and a smile of gratitude on my face as I had just spent Mother’s Day exactly how I had planned; with my family doing the things that I love to do.
xoxo

 

The Vision of a Vision Board from Years Gone By

In a couple of weeks, the “Deserving Women” groups will be creating their vision boards. I will be working on mine as well, and so, I decided to pull one out the last one I made 8 years ago. I was taken aback at the many parallels of desires I had back then and now. The biggest difference is that I am now fulfilling those dreams one at a time, but with the ease of doing things as I am, and having no time expectation or measure of skill or ability.

I had forgotten that I pursued a life of personal coaching many years ago, but never found the right fit until now. There is gratitude in finding support in being authentic, and great fulfillment in inspiring others to do the same. Even back then, although not fully aware, I was motivated to learn so much more about myself in a very deep and soulful way. Searching for faith through prayer, yoga and meditation, I wondered what else there was to find. Many books were purchased, read, and studied in my pursuit to figure me out. Back then, I thought that career was the path to “knowing” who I was, but have now discovered that it is just a thing I “do”, as well as, being the person I am.

I have always sought the comfort of security and trust in friends, but now do this without any trepidation as I have reached a comfort of "being" that requires no self-defence. The want to “slow down and smell the roses” was always there, and now rests at the top of the list of daily things to do as I stop, enjoy and celebrate. There is the added accomplishment of naturally seeking refuge as I indulge in the peace of being alone while I write and create and, simultaneously, find and savour my spirituality.

Eating well and being healthy have been a way of life since I was in my early twenties. A big difference is the degree to which I am willing to maintain it. I am happy to eat well, however, not o.k. with giving up all the delicious goodies out there. A nice glass of wine with a salty snack is my treat of choice. There was a little LOL when I saw that I chose a woman with a six pack pushing out crunches to sit smack in the middle of my board!! I understand the value of a strong core, but I honestly can’t be bothered!!

Some goals like updating my kitchen and travelling with my family all came to fruition during the years leading to now. Some constants like enjoying the love and company of my family, walks with my canine companion, Jake and keeping my sister’s memory safe, will never subside. Bucket list items remain such as making a quilt, ballroom dancing, bringing the joy of hiking back into my life and writing my book. I will always be most comfortable amidst the camaraderie of women, and my quest for personal evolution will be never ending as there are no more boundaries for me anymore.  xo

The "Gathering of Gals"

As long time friends gathered last night, we found solace in each other’s company and conversation since mourning another friend’s loss of her son. There was a brief opening of hearts as we expressed our sadness for this mother and father and the tragedy that they were facing. There was not much to say. But the comfort of a group of friends, brought together by a spur of the moment gesture by our host’s invite, created an environment of safety and support.

I haven’t spent much time with these women for what seems like an eternity. They are friends met years ago when my children attended elementary school. Hours of volunteering together, months of “book club” (with no expectation to read the book), and many coffee dates evolved into friendships, steadfast and solid.

Hard times, great times and all those times in between brought us back together in a living room sharing compassion, joy, more wine and food. The laughter and intriguing conversation, and unforgotten bonds brought back memories of a happy time that I thought had wained.

Last night changed my thought to the paradigm that friendships are never ending; it is we who need to make the call, the invite, the gathering of friends over and over again so that we grow and evolve together for years to come.

Thank you to Angela who sent the invitation, made the tapas, and poured the wine thus, giving us the gift of the “gathering of the gals”. xoxo

Icing on the cake

How many times have we heard the phrase, “it’s the little things in life that matter?” When we have finally found pleasure in being alone, we have truly discovered happiness. This is why I urge my children to discover how they, themselves, can bring themselves joy before they seek that certain other someone depend on to bring them joy.

If you take the time to pay attention to all the little experiences that make you happy, you have made your foundation. Sharing all of that with someone else will give you the icing on the cake, but remember that the cake is all you. The cake is you paying attention, and the icing is you asking someone else to share its deliciousness.

It is imperative that you see that the baked batter with all of its uncomplicated greatness is incredibly amazing without the added tastes of the sugary topping that can sometimes smother the goodness of the cake’s simplicity. It is when we truly love our plain cake, just as it is, that we are able to recognize that the icing is a bonus, but not always a necessity. xoxo

The Thinker

My husband’s parents had a statue in their house for as long as I knew them. It belonged to my father in law and my mother in law gave it to us when he passed away. The statue sits in the corner of our bedroom, and I often look at the statue of the man sitting, chin in hand and eyes closed. The statue is called “The Thinker”. The original was created by Auguste Rodin, and it was originally titled “The Poet”.

I would often wonder what he could possibly be thinking of for hours on end. His slumped posture suggests worry, and sometimes I think he must be dealing with some sort of turmoil or struggle. If he is troubled, there must be a solution to whatever is keeping him in such deep thought. I want to reach out and help him find a resolution for what ails him.

Thinking of his original title, “The Poet”, I wonder if maybe he is working on a poem in the quiet of his corner. Perhaps he is not troubled but, just in need of introspection and inspiration. I tip toe past him so as not to disturb his creativity. He doesn’t notice me because he is absorbed in his passion for words. I will not disturb him because I too value the need for solitude during moments of artistic flow.

Today I stopped and saw him thinking in the glow of the sun shining through the window. It was then that I realized what this man of bronze was doing. He no longer looked absorbed in anything as intense as worry or passion. His energy was calm and reflective. It occurred to me that he may be enjoying an early morning meditation. One that would provide him with the balance and ease to think with reason, solve any problems he may have, and create great words of wisdom and rhyme.

I decided to stop what I was doing, sit in front of him so that we were face to face and take the time for my own meditation. I would like to share one with you that I recently received from a friend of mine and which I love to practice for the start and end of each day. Enjoy.

Loving-Kindness Meditation

“May I be filled with loving-kindness

May I be well

May I be peaceful and at ease

May I be happy”

Repeat for self, family, friends, community, country, world, and universe (with a smile on your face)