The Bottom Line

We all have a “bottom line”. When we are able to recognise it, we can slow down when we approach it, and, perhaps, move towards it with more trepidation. It looms ahead of us, and there is a feeling of unrest when we come ever so close to it. That line will shout to us and warn us to stay back or it will tempt us and sway us to jump over. Sometimes the line is obvious, and sometimes it is vague and barely noticeable. However, it is always there and the decision whether to cross it or not rests on your shoulders. The choice is always yours; step over the line or not.
The bottom line is the place where we must stop. Stop working, stop complaining, stop allowing, stop justifying and stop procrastinating. Once we have established our bottom line and stay above it, we make our life just a little bit easier to balance and enjoy. Suddenly, we experience more gratitude, more love, and more joy. Our health improves and we see things more clearly. Everything slows down a bit and we are able to appreciate all things more than ever before.

Life is not meant to be rushed through at the speed of light. It is meant to live fully with every breath that we take. Taking the time to feel your breath moving inside of you and then releasing it again is an experience in itself. Taking a leisurely walk and looking up instead of down enables you to really see the world that you exist in. Imagine that some of us do not ever take the time to go for a walk just for the sheer pleasure of it. We are too busy.

“Where does the time go?” I hear this over and over again. The time is going, and it will go no matter what we do. It is the filling it up with countless tasks that makes our time an endless “to do” list. When this list is endless and we haven’t established our bottom line, we are prone to crossing into the world of too much work and not enough play. How many times have you heard, “How sad, she just retired and was starting to enjoy her life.” The sadness is not only that someone died, but that she was only now beginning to find joy in it. Waiting more than half your life for joy seems unreasonable and unfortunate.  This is not the plan of the universe.

And yet, it is one that many of us chose. Working day and night, and sacrificing love and fun for money and personal belongings. We justify all of this with the perception that we need all of these things, but in reality we can all live with much less. Less stuff provides us with more time spent experiencing our life, rather than working for things that don’t satisfy our heart. Establishing our bottom line allows us to recognise when we are going too far, getting too close, or moving in the direction of imbalance. Everyone’s line is different and some are more flexible than others, but just knowing your bottom line will provide you with a little more guidance than you had before. You may just have more time than you thought.

Free Friday

Here I am, finally reaching Friday after a week of hard work and much busyness. After having a leisurely coffee with my good friend, Kate, and running a few errands, including groceries, I find myself having some lunch and looking forward to an hour or two in my garden. My brain is tired, and the sun is peeking through the clouds beckoning me to come out and play.



Whenever I end up in a place of “wishing it was Friday”, I know that I have overstepped my threshold of work. I wake up with my first thought wondering what day it is. Once my mind has woken up and I discover I am not close to the end of the work week, I find myself sighing with disappointment. After years of extreme over work, I made a personal vow years ago that I would not allow it to take over my life ever again. Promises, promises!!

Unfortunately, my personality is as driven as any mind could possibly be. I have a power in me that can supersede any physical ailment I may suffer. It ignores all pain and exhaustion, and simply powers on until I reach the point of no return. Because everyone has a breaking point, and yes, I am human, I need to be awake and aware of that point long before I reach it. Failing to do so brings me to the “getting through each day” rather than the “enjoying each day” state of mind. Drudgery and angst are what comes to mind, and these are not pleasant thoughts or how I want to live.

Tomorrow marks the debut of my column, “Talk of Life” in the Kingston Whig Standard. Nervous anticipation moves through me as I wait to see my first freelance job in print for all of my hometown to read. So much going on right now, and I am unsure of how I feel. I think I will relish the fact that it is Friday and then take the weekend to get back on the balanced track of life. That is where I am my true self. xoxo

Compassion for the Bully

There is always a feeling of doubt and unrest when you know that you must do something but, it may be perceived as the opposite of your intention. You know that there will be a backlash, but your conscience will not rest.  We tend to manifest this into self-blame and run away from doing what is the right thing.  However, no matter how utterly “not to blame” we are, we are still influenced by the paradigm that the other person is hovering over our heads ready to beat us down. Suddenly, we are questioning ourselves because, sadly, the approval of other people, even the bad guy, is what feeds us.

What stops us from doing the right thing is usually the result of what someone else thinks and thus the fear of losing what they are able to take away from us. It is manipulation and control that we allow them to have that disempowers us and enables them to dictate what the outcome will be. They are the adult bullies of the world. They use the vulnerability of the weak to make themselves even stronger and more powerful. These are the kinds of people that we tell children to be weary of, the people that we coach them to protect themselves against. They are the people that we teach our children to stand up to.

How brave we must think our children are!! As responsible adults, we ourselves have a hard time managing these master manipulators. It takes a great deal of courage to be able to stand up to the person who you know can squash you with great ease. They are usually in a position of authority and have many ways to work the political system of life as they have no conscience. They are masterful at the art of developing a community of support of like minded individuals who will go to great lengths to protect their master. The fact that you are part of their world is a mistake because you are a woman of great integrity and lovingkindness. They misjudged you and allowed you to enter their domain; they thought you had vulnerability written all over you.  You, mistakenly, believed they cared about you and had your best interest in mind.

You soon realize that the only reason they were nice to you in the first place was because you had something that they needed. They thought that they could keep you on their side by dangling carrots in front of you, but you are too sharp. They didn’t realize how self-confident you are and that you would never sacrifice your integrity to feed their ego. Once they got you in there, things you saw and heard didn’t sit so well. Nice one day, mean the next; disrespectful and cruel; disappointing.

This is the worst kind of bully. They are the most dangerous as they pretend to be someone they are not and then whack you over the side of the head with whom they really are. They seem self confident and strong but, they are weak and their self doubt motivates them to do anything to get what they need; approval from the top. They lie to you, they talk about you behind your back, and they give you something and then take it away without regret. Remember, they are master manipulators and they know exactly what they are doing. They become so entrenched in their pattern of bullying that they get to a point of no return. They can’t remember their lies because they tell so many and have to make up more when they get caught. They camouflage themselves in acts of good deeds and then discreetly sabotage your success.

Although, we need to have compassion for these people for they do need love, we cannot allow them to harm us. They are this way for a reason and it is truly sad. However, we do not deserve their abuse or need to fall victim to their control. We need to call them on it. Tell them that they need to stop treating us this way. Tell them not to speak to us as though we are nothing.  Let them know that you will not allow them to manipulate and control you. You may be shunned by the powers that be, and you may find that no one will support you.  You will likely suffer a loss of some kind. But feel proud that you stood up for all that is right and just and deserving. If you don’t, you will be one of them. You will be living a lie and you will be part of those who enable the members of the bully club. Taking them to task is the nicest thing that you can do for them. It is the compassionate thing to do.  Take the loss and feel the gain of the truth.

The Hand that Feeds the Soul



My friend, Marla and I have many parallels in our lives, past and present. We have just discovered a friendship after having known each other as mere acquaintances for 30 years. She joined me on the photog day last week, and she created this beautiful photo of my hand. When I first looked at it, I was taken aback as the image was a bit overwhelming for me. I’m not sure if Marla realized the symbolism she had depicted with my fingers grasping tightly around the willow stems.

I remember holding the willows and wondering how long I could keep my grip as the little strength I had felt like it would give out at any time. The Rheumatoid in the middle and pinky fingers allowed them to forfeit helping the other fingers in their effort to balance the bundle on top of the other tiring hand lifting from the bottom. Their other task was to pull all the stems together stopping them from slipping apart and falling to the ground.

At one point, I could feel the burning sensation in the large knuckle furthest from the willows as it worked tirelessly to support the others. If I had looked down, I would have noticed how the veins in my hand had kicked in supplying more blood flow in an attempt to maintain the level of energy it needed to complete this task. My body had produced a little team of soldiers to fight for the cause, and I was not going to let it down. I smiled as we spoke by the fountain in the market square as I clasped tightly to the willows. If I paid any attention or spoke of the pain, I would make it real and all would collapse; I would then give in to it and spoil my fun. And so I soldiered on, and so did my hand.

Although my body can be my enemy, I decided long ago to befriend it, flaws and all. It has taught me that no one is perfect and that their imperfections actually add greatness to the rest of who they are. My hands, although weak, provide me with strength. Not physical strength, but that of great inner strength. The fortitude needed to be accepting and grateful for all of the right things that life brings my way.

I am not sure if Marla realizes the gift that she has given me, but I thank her just the same.  What I see in her photo is a powerful message of determination. It is the will of a woman who will do whatever it takes to find and keep joy in her life.

The Intentions of God

Having spent most of this week catching up from my days of playing both in Toronto and at home, I am happy to say that I and my family survived unscathed. It was a stretch for me to take 2 days away from my family and work, and then return home only to turn around and leave for another day of adventure. I left last Thursday to visit my beautiful friend in the big city. She filled my creative cup by taking me to visit various unique art stores that Kingston simply does not have. I was in heaven as we spent an hour at the Paper Place on Queen Street, and, ultimately, won the prize for the most bought goodies. The rest of the weekend was spent chatting and catching up with a good friend and her family.

As I sat on the train heading home, I wondered why I had committed to taking a 6 hour photography class the next day. I started to feel the anxiety of having to drag myself out of bed at 6 o’clock so that my arthritic body would be able to move with a little more ease for our 8 a.m. start. Looking out the train window, I felt a little twinge of guilt knowing that I would be leaving my family for yet another day of tomfoolery.



Luckily, these days, I am quick to dismiss a useless emotion such as guilt. It is an old patterned emotion that comes to the surface when I am tired and not “awake”. Being aware and awake to “who I am” is the key when trying to decipher the difference between reality and nonsense. Worrying about what other people will think of me is a waste of time and really spoils all the fun, doesn’t it? Done!! I had felt the guilt, recognised how ridiculous it was and moved forward to replacing it with the excitement of spending time with more friends and learning new things.

And so, I got up the next morning and slathered on the sun screen and hat, grabbed my camera and drove downtown to meet Tracy Olan, my new favourite photographer and friend, for a day with “Women and Cameras”. Tracy not only taught us all how to use our cameras and do great little tricks with them, but she developed a rapport of camaraderie and an ambiance of creating. By the end of the day, we were all feeling very smart as we had learned so much. We were empowered by our knowledge and motivated by our unleashed creative spirits. New friendships were formed and we drove ourselves home with the grace of fine artists.

When I got home, I was greeted to a clean home, laundry up-to-date and smiling faces. No one complained that I had been gone and they were all keen on seeing my photog creations. I was inspired and feeling oh so blessed to have spent a day creating and playing. I realized that I could have stayed home and spent the day filling it with the mundane tasks of everyday life. That day would have come and gone, and nothing would have changed. Instead, I chose to do what God intended us all to do more than anything else; enjoy every day and fill it with as much joy as possible.

http://www.beautifuldayto.com/

Falling In Love All Over Again

I indulged in staying in my pyjamas for most of this Sunday morning. Snuggling in on the couch with coffee and snacks watching re-runs of Boston Legal was on my impromptu schedule. With everyone in my household off to do their various activities of choice, I was feeling no family obligations and decided not to place any expectations on myself. What a feeling of bliss as I left the dishes on the counter, the laundry unattended to and my hair standing on end in Albert Einstein fashion.

With each episode and season of Boston Legal, I am drawn to the character of Alan Shore (James Spader). For those of you who have never watched this dramatic comedy, you wonder how I could be attracted to this person given his common looks and cold persona. Initial impressions would be mediocre and even off putting. He would not be a man that I am physically attracted to and his personality is, initially, uninviting at best. However, somewhere along the ebb and flow of each storyline, his character adds an element of a certain “je ne sais qua”.

He is irritatingly arrogant and his demeanour quite offensive as he publicly berates women and provides an air of self-righteousness. He wins his legal cases with scary self-confidence, yet it is as he moves into his closing speeches that he wins over my loyalty and my heart. His compassion and kindness for his clients and the underdog is very clear and presents extraordinarily sincere. Alan Shore’s passion is expressed with such candour that one would think he were presenting a speech for the presidential election. It becomes quite clear that he is not just fighting for the sake of winning, but that he wants to win for the cause.

My confused attraction to this man is reiterated as he ends each day on the balcony of his law office with his friend and colleague, Denny Crane (William Shatner). Initially unexpectedly, and ever so subtly, Alan expresses his love for his friend. Episode after episode presents a deeper devotion for someone who is in emotional need. One wonders why this would be so surprising and intriguing when, as women, we do this intuitively and on a daily basis. Well, that is just the point. This show went out on a limb and was willing to depict a man in a very human way. This is the element that truly turns us on. In a world determined to use outer beauty as the first and foremost attribute we should be seeking, Alan Shore switches it all up.

This is a must see series as the dedication the writers have placed on the promotion of kindness, compassion and love is unsurpassed. Take the time to rent season 1, and snuggle up on the sofa on a quiet morning or a rainy afternoon; I guarantee you will fall in love all over again.

Amazing Women Unite With Gratitude

My husband came home for lunch today and, we watched a re-run of an interview between Oprah and Ali Macgraw. It left me aspiring to have the same depth of insight about myself that Ms. Macgraw had of herself. I told my husband, “I want to be an amazing woman like her”. He looked at me and asked, “Don’t you think you are an amazing woman?” What a great question!!! It was when I tried to answer his question that I was briefly stuck for words. I had never thought of myself in that “amazing” realm.

Ironically, I had just come home from facilitating a makeup workshop at a local high school, and the students and I had had a similar conversation. I was telling the young women how beautiful they looked, and each one of them blushed and sheepishly hung their heads down. They each had a smile on their face, but were clearly uncomfortable receiving the compliment.

Isn’t it incredible how quickly we tell someone they are amazing, or beautiful, or smart, and yet, we squirm when someone offers the same gesture of kindness? There seems to be an underlying belief we are undeserving of the same praise that we give to our friends. We want those dear to us to feel loved and accepted, and yet we rob ourselves of the very same. We take time to get up every morning, shower, pick out an outfit, and put on a bit of makeup. We work hard at our jobs and take the time to be motivated and inspired. Clearly, we want to look and feel our best and live up to our full potential in all areas of our lives. We strive to be our best.

When someone gives you a compliment, whether it is directed toward your outer or inner beauty, your intelligence or wit, your talents or creativity, stand tall and accept their kind words with gratitude. Just as you take the time to make someone else feel good, allow them to take the time to reciprocate that wonderful feeling of giving the same in return.

So, when my husband asked me if I thought I was an amazing woman, I looked up at him (I did think for a moment) and then, quite clearly, answered, “Yes.” He stood up, kissed me on the forehead and went back to work.

Girl lmagine

I look at this “Imagine” collage everyday as it rests on my desk right above my computer along with all the other wonderful gifts that I have received from friends over the last little while. This is where I come to write and when I need to feel all the love that is given to me. I often look at the woman who is “imagining” and wonder what her dreams were made of.



As I glanced at her this morning, I moved in and tried to see passed her eyes; the “windows to the soul”. I notice that she is younger than I thought before. From a distance, she provides a feeling of experience and knowing. Upon getting closer, I see innocence and longing.

“Imagine”. A word that opens up a whole great big realm of possibility. “What if”? A question that gives us the same dreamy feeling of something that might be. I used to think, “if only I had more money”, “if only I had more time”, “if only I had more talent”, “if only I were like her”, “if only......” Now I realize that I had all of these things.

We really don’t need a lot of money; the more we have, the more we spend. We really do have loads of time; we just chose to dedicate it to things that we think we should do, rather than to things that we want to do (I will keep telling you this until you “get it”). We have an abundance of talent but, unfortunately, opt to ignore it. And, we really need to stop wanting to be like someone else and enjoy everything about being ourselves.

Looking at “Girl Imagine” again, I see someone posing confidently for the camera thinking, “Ya, take my picture because I’m amazing, and I’m going to do everything in my life that I ever dreamed of doing”. I know that she ended up “being” exactly who she is; I wonder what she ended up doing................



Watch This

This is a video that was recently posted on my friend's blog.  It needs to be watched and passed on to everyone you know; especially your children!!!!

Dare to be Pale my friends