Today feels like the beginning of transition. I am filled with energy as the temperature has shifted ever so slightly. This is my time of year. The change from summer to fall is comfortable and inviting for me as I embrace the crisp air, the bright colour palette in the trees and the increased focus on work for me and school for my children. I have a quicker step and clear focus on what I want and where I am heading.
Generally, transition is a tough thing to handle for me. I feel safe and secure in the sure and steady flow of the day to day, and then “boom” change occurs. I am at calm and feel peace in my expected, but eventually, get bored and crave for something more. This brings on a surge of creativity and ideas that I cannot push out of my head. I need to act on them; they are like little gremlins swirling around my head; their persistence is unavoidable. Sometimes, I think that I might be a little nutsy as the magnitude of the number of these inspirations become overwhelming.
The funny thing about a change is that it is much easier to cope with when we are prepared for it. There’s the catch; we are very seldom prepared for most changes in our life. They usually pop up out of nowhere. Sometimes, the change is positive, and sometimes, not so much so. This is when we need to stop and slow down so that we can digest what is happening. Even when we have instigated the change ourselves, we can get so entrenched in the “doing” part of the shift that we forget to embrace what is happening. This is when we become the “list makers”; that person who is doing just for the sake of doing. Our mindset becomes, “It is a good idea, so it must be done.” We end up doing everything that the creative gremlins are feeding us, rather than, thanking them for all of their ideas, and then choosing how many we can handle and the ones that we resonate best with. Then comes prioritizing and reiterating, “This is all going to happen eventually”. And with that revelation comes the discovery that we don’t need to do it all right now.
When I am in this space, I remind myself of the soothing mantra “live in the space between my breath”. Recognizing one's unique personality and how it reacts to change is the key to managing a transition at ease. It is futile to listen to others as they tell you how you should handle these situations. Their strategies are most likely congruent with what works for them. Remember that if you are awake to what makes you tick, you will choose a course that takes you through transition with peace and calm.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Friday, August 26, 2011
"Jolene"
I tend to pick movies off t he shelf at Blockbuster that no one else has heard of. They are films that may not have made box office but, for some reason, really resonate with me. Sometimes, I am intrigued by the stars on the cover, but often it is the movie cover or the story line on the back that draws me in.
Tonight it was the cover; the image of a young girl walking down a highway with a suitcase; on a journey with no sure destination, but the need for inner peace, as well as, love. I thought about what she was looking for and realized that is the dream we all hold and wish for.
Compassion is all that I had for this woman, and it reminded me to be grateful for all that is presented to me as each step of her life was laid out before me. Her resilience and desire to keep moving forward toward her faith in self love is inspiring and yet heart wrenching as I watched her win and then lose over and over again.
The star reminds us that we must listen to our intuition even when the safety of money and promises tempt us to make decisions that go against our better judgement. Emotional intelligence is seldom wrong.
A quote from the movie stays with me "Life is about moments, and when you find one, you don't let go"
Go and rent this move, simply entitled, "Jolene". It will change you.
Jolene ~ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-j3Gwg2hYo
Tonight it was the cover; the image of a young girl walking down a highway with a suitcase; on a journey with no sure destination, but the need for inner peace, as well as, love. I thought about what she was looking for and realized that is the dream we all hold and wish for.
The story turns out to be much more than I imagined as it puts a young artist in search of love and independence in unforgettable and regrettable circumstances. Always lured in by money and the idea of “love”, she continuously sacrifices her “self” for the security of love thinking it will fulfill her dream. When she finds herself within the "idea" of love, she is continually betrayed by death or deception; when she invests in the safety of true love, it is repeatedly taken away. Compassion is all that I had for this woman, and it reminded me to be grateful for all that is presented to me as each step of her life was laid out before me. Her resilience and desire to keep moving forward toward her faith in self love is inspiring and yet heart wrenching as I watched her win and then lose over and over again.
The star reminds us that we must listen to our intuition even when the safety of money and promises tempt us to make decisions that go against our better judgement. Emotional intelligence is seldom wrong.
A quote from the movie stays with me "Life is about moments, and when you find one, you don't let go"
Go and rent this move, simply entitled, "Jolene". It will change you.
Jolene ~ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-j3Gwg2hYo
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Messages Sent as Little Reminders
Since coming home from holidays, I have been working non-stop from morning to night. I’ve had my head stuck in my computer, and I am so driven creatively that I am having trouble keeping up with the speed of my thoughts. I don’t really think that I am aware of very much that is going on around me, and yet, I am still managing to get regular, daily chores completed. I have definitely been ignoring my family, but I am justifying my behaviour assuming they can take care of themselves as I am dealing with uncontrolled inspiration and September deadlines.
And then I had someone send me a little reminder, two actually…. My daughter leaned over my shoulder when she got up this morning and asked me “Why are you working all the time?” I explained to her that my programs were beginning in September and that I had a lot to prepare before then. She smiled and walked away.
Later in the day, she provided me with my second reminder. She walked into the family room, threw in a DVD of our favourite series, leaned over the couch and said, “Why don’t you come and take a little break, mom?” She had me, right there as she looked into my eyes, and waited for my answer. I closed my computer, made us coffee and watched The Gilmore Girls, all of season 4.
Sometimes we need to listen to the messages that are sent to us by a variety of sources. It is so important to listen to our own feelings, our intuition, and our physical aches and pains. However, there are times when we get so absorbed in our inspiration and motivation that we do not receive the messages that we are sending to ourselves. This is when we need to be awake to what others are feeling, thinking and sending our way. Someone else’s intuition can be just as in line with our own, and yet, relayed much clearer. It is always our choice to listen or not………
And then I had someone send me a little reminder, two actually…. My daughter leaned over my shoulder when she got up this morning and asked me “Why are you working all the time?” I explained to her that my programs were beginning in September and that I had a lot to prepare before then. She smiled and walked away.
Later in the day, she provided me with my second reminder. She walked into the family room, threw in a DVD of our favourite series, leaned over the couch and said, “Why don’t you come and take a little break, mom?” She had me, right there as she looked into my eyes, and waited for my answer. I closed my computer, made us coffee and watched The Gilmore Girls, all of season 4.
Sometimes we need to listen to the messages that are sent to us by a variety of sources. It is so important to listen to our own feelings, our intuition, and our physical aches and pains. However, there are times when we get so absorbed in our inspiration and motivation that we do not receive the messages that we are sending to ourselves. This is when we need to be awake to what others are feeling, thinking and sending our way. Someone else’s intuition can be just as in line with our own, and yet, relayed much clearer. It is always our choice to listen or not………
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Instinct and Protection
I used to think my dog was afraid of other dogs, but recently it occurred to me that he is simply choosy about who he associates with. He has made a very simple choice to interact with those who have like values as him. He knows who he is and what his purpose is in life, and his actions and who he associates with reflect that purpose. Jake learned long ago that the dog world consists of a hierarchy of personalities. There is always the leader of the pack and then there are those who remain submissive and do as they are told. Should they deviate from this plan, they are put in their place with verbal and sometimes physical consequences.
If smart, a submissive dog will never allow herself to become entrenched in the abusive state harm. S/he will back down at the first message communicated via a growl or stare. S/he will intuitively know where her place is in relation to her leader and the rest of the pack, and s/he will not question where s/he stands.
Due to progress and the dog’s adaptation into the people world, we have created a culture whereby we protect our pets. They are not allowed to wander the streets in packs or find their food on their own. We walk them on a leash and feed them their kibble in a fancy bowl. We allow them to befriend other dogs as they walk by or we defend them against other canine passersby who become aggressive. In a loving home, they come back to a sanctuary complete with a cozy bed and human companionship. They are bathed and brushed and pet until they fall asleep.
At the cottage that we visited a few weeks ago, we found ourselves in a bit of an awkward position. The neighbouring cottage owners had a dog called Woodley that wandered freely and took a liking to our dog, Jake. He was not aggressive and was, in fact, very friendly. He was only a year old, was extremely obedient and very, very cute....... until he decided to do the dastardly deed......I won’t describe the deed, it was simply “the deed”, and the way Jake stood there and looked at me, I knew that he was not impressed. Unfortunately, because Jake does not voice his opinion, I helped him out by shooing the puppy away....over, and over again.
My family laughed and told me to let “nature take its course” but, I could not allow my dog to be taken advantage of. Soon, I was the brunt of a joke as I repeatedly stood between my dog, the victim and the other dog, the abuser. This became a big game throughout the entire week and a source of frustration to me as I knew that Woodley was simply doing what dogs do. It occurred to me that in my pack I am the protector.
I am the she dog who will go to any lengths to ensure that my pups are safe and comfortable. I will protect them and teach them how to protect themselves. The problem with Jake is that he is now old and not so teachable anymore. He has become dependent on me and his instinct is to look to me for his comfort. I don’t know at what point in his life this shifted because I know that I did not cater to his anxiety initially. As with my children, I tried to raise a confident sociable puppy. However, somewhere along the line I succumbed to his inability to tolerate the company of other dogs. And I allowed him to just “be” where he was comfortable. Perhaps, this is the message to how we should be with our children. Maybe we just need to provide them with security while still allowing them to be who they are. No pressure to be like someone else or endure situations that they feel uncomfortable in. Maybe we can learn a little from our canine friends as they move through life guided by their instinct along with the protection of those who love them.
If smart, a submissive dog will never allow herself to become entrenched in the abusive state harm. S/he will back down at the first message communicated via a growl or stare. S/he will intuitively know where her place is in relation to her leader and the rest of the pack, and s/he will not question where s/he stands.
Due to progress and the dog’s adaptation into the people world, we have created a culture whereby we protect our pets. They are not allowed to wander the streets in packs or find their food on their own. We walk them on a leash and feed them their kibble in a fancy bowl. We allow them to befriend other dogs as they walk by or we defend them against other canine passersby who become aggressive. In a loving home, they come back to a sanctuary complete with a cozy bed and human companionship. They are bathed and brushed and pet until they fall asleep.
At the cottage that we visited a few weeks ago, we found ourselves in a bit of an awkward position. The neighbouring cottage owners had a dog called Woodley that wandered freely and took a liking to our dog, Jake. He was not aggressive and was, in fact, very friendly. He was only a year old, was extremely obedient and very, very cute....... until he decided to do the dastardly deed......I won’t describe the deed, it was simply “the deed”, and the way Jake stood there and looked at me, I knew that he was not impressed. Unfortunately, because Jake does not voice his opinion, I helped him out by shooing the puppy away....over, and over again.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
How Flowers Can Create Guilt
After spending some time purging the “back room” in the basement before leaving for holidays, I found a packet of seeds with the title “butterfly garden” in bright yellow letters. I don’t remember buying the seeds, and judging from the bin they were in, it must have been many years ago. I moved to throw them in the heaping garbage bag, but hesitated as I felt a surge of guilt flow through my veins. How could I be thinking of throwing out something that if cared for and nurtured, could turn into a living thing? I sighed because I really didn’t have time for this guilt nonsense, but I also couldn’t throw them out; old patterns creeping up my spine.
The envelope sat on my kitchen counter for a week and my husband finally asked me if I was going to do anything with them. I said I would get to it eventually but, I just hadn’t had time yet. “Why don’t you just throw it out?” he asked me. Not a second thought! Such disregard!! I quickly grabbed the package and went to the gardening shed where I found 4 old aluminum long abandoned pots and a bag of soil. I scanned the shed before closing the door, and noted that it needed a good clean up as well.....so much to do.....
What I did next is what a friend of mine once called “plant whacking”. It’s a procedure that takes all the beauty out of gardening, but is extraordinarily efficient. Another term could be “speed planting”. It’s when you shove some soil into the pot, throw the seeds in, shove some more soil over top and then pour some water on them as fast as you can. In 15 minutes you are done. There is no positive energy involved in this act. You could be cleaning the toilet instead and it would provide you with the same result; you simply needed to “get ur done.”
I think this is why the flowers grew as they did; tall, spindly, pitiful stems with one or two blooms at the very top. A serious analogy would equate their growth to that of a child who did not receive adequate love and attention. These flowers started their existence off with very little loving kindness. In fact, there was none at all. They were born from guilt; such a terrible beginning to the miracle of life.
As I look at them now, I chuckle a bit as I think that even the act of my writing about them is a consequence of guilt. I have walked by the window of my kitchen so many times and eyed their meagre existence, and I feel that I need to give them the attention that I deprived them of when they were little. And so, I took their picture and the time to post them on my blog. I whisper to them every day when I give them a drink, and I have apologised for having been so laissez-faire with them. I am hoping that they are the forgiving type for summer will soon be moving into fall and there is little time left for me to appreciate their unique existance.
The envelope sat on my kitchen counter for a week and my husband finally asked me if I was going to do anything with them. I said I would get to it eventually but, I just hadn’t had time yet. “Why don’t you just throw it out?” he asked me. Not a second thought! Such disregard!! I quickly grabbed the package and went to the gardening shed where I found 4 old aluminum long abandoned pots and a bag of soil. I scanned the shed before closing the door, and noted that it needed a good clean up as well.....so much to do.....
What I did next is what a friend of mine once called “plant whacking”. It’s a procedure that takes all the beauty out of gardening, but is extraordinarily efficient. Another term could be “speed planting”. It’s when you shove some soil into the pot, throw the seeds in, shove some more soil over top and then pour some water on them as fast as you can. In 15 minutes you are done. There is no positive energy involved in this act. You could be cleaning the toilet instead and it would provide you with the same result; you simply needed to “get ur done.”
I think this is why the flowers grew as they did; tall, spindly, pitiful stems with one or two blooms at the very top. A serious analogy would equate their growth to that of a child who did not receive adequate love and attention. These flowers started their existence off with very little loving kindness. In fact, there was none at all. They were born from guilt; such a terrible beginning to the miracle of life.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Being Uncomfortable While Having All The Comforts of Home
I learned a lot about myself during a recent holiday which required me “roughing it”. You will chuckle to yourself when I tell you that “roughing it” for me included a cottage with beds, a kitchen, a bathroom, 2 refrigerators (one for food and one for drinks), a screened in porch, air conditioning and even satellite T.V. Laughing yet? Read on and you will understand......
We arrived at the cottage on Gull Lake near Sharbot Lake after a 1.5 hour drive with 2 cars loaded up with our necessities. We brought clothes, food, water noodles, fishing rods, books, and a box of movies in case of a rainy day. The children would only be with us for the first week so I packed my computer for the second week just in case I was inspired to write, or to take advantage of working a bit with no interruptions. I even brought a box filled with art supplies as I envisioned myself sitting in the screened in porch leisurely making cards while looking out over the lake. I packed my yoga mat intending to re-start my practice amidst the serenity of nature, and I brought my running shoes for daily hiking excursions.
Having rented a cottage for six years when the kids were little, I knew what to expect. The first week was filled with fishing, swimming, walking, reading, canoeing, camp fires and evening card games. The family was together and we were busy filling every minute of the day. I took endless photos to save all the memories of this wonderful week together. I didn’t miss my home, my work, or anything that goes along with all that. While reading one of the three books I finished during that first week, I looked around the room to see all four of us immersed in our stories. All was well.
On Thursday of that week my son needed to leave for a golf tournament. My daughter’s boyfriend came to visit on the Friday and Saturday, and on Sunday my daughter went back home to work the following week. My husband and I were now alone for the second week. We had been looking forward to spending the next seven days by ourselves savouring the peace and quiet. No more driving back and forth into town. No more taking the kids out in the boat. No more large meal planning. We could do or not do whatever we wanted. And what seemed like a dream come true quickly became an unexpected disappointment.
We woke up the first morning, had breakfast together and then walked the dog. When we arrived back at the cottage, I could feel a sense of uneasiness in my husband. I tried to read him but I didn’t understand because he loved being at the cottage. Suddenly, I felt sad and I couldn't decide what to do. I had no desire to pull out my computer or my art work. I looked at the books on the table and thought I should start to read one but, I had no interest. I saw my camera hanging from the kitchen chair, and I let out a heavy sigh while leaving it right where it was. It was quiet but, there was unrest. I felt uncomfortable and I didn’t like it. I felt frustrated with how I felt. Were we not capable of being alone together at a beautiful cottage enjoying ourselves? Apparently not!!
We went down to sit by the lake and after about an hour my husband surprised me by turning to me and asking if I would like to go home. Secretly, I was thrilled but, I didn’t want to show my enthusiasm too much. He had planned this holiday and I was worried that he was just offering to go home because he could feel that I didn’t want to be there anymore. I looked at him and asked if he wanted to go home. He said he did. He said that it wasn’t the same without the kids and we could do the same things and even more of what we wanted to do if we were at home. YES!!!!! I was thrilled. We decided to pack up the next morning and head for Kingston.
Many would find this crazy. Many would say we must not be happy together. Many would think that if you paid for a cottage, you should stay there and enjoy it. But, we were not enjoying it. We missed the hustle and bustle of the children. The dog wouldn’t settle in to his new environment and wasn’t eating. The mattresses were soft and neither one of us were sleeping well. We were physically and emotionally uncomfortable. Not our idea of a vacation. And so, we packed our things, cleaned up after ourselves and drove home. When we arrived at our house Jake went straight to his dog dish and ate a full bowl of food. After going to the back yard, he returned and went to his comfy chair and sank into a deep sleep. Hank assumed his position in his chair and got caught up on his newspaper reading, and I filled the rest of my day with all the things I like doing. I wrote on my computer and downloaded the cottage photos while sitting at my little desk in the corner of our office. I took a shower in our nice big tub. I went downstairs and practiced yoga. Then, I sat at my art table and made a card to thank the people who rented us the cottage for such a pleasant stay.
I did all the things that I was physically able to do at the cottage. The difference was that I was more comfortable here. It wasn’t about having all the comforts of home at the cottage; it was about being uncomfortable at the cottage because we weren’t at home. That is “roughing it” for my husband and me; being somewhere and feeling uncomfortable even though you have everything you think you need.
We arrived at the cottage on Gull Lake near Sharbot Lake after a 1.5 hour drive with 2 cars loaded up with our necessities. We brought clothes, food, water noodles, fishing rods, books, and a box of movies in case of a rainy day. The children would only be with us for the first week so I packed my computer for the second week just in case I was inspired to write, or to take advantage of working a bit with no interruptions. I even brought a box filled with art supplies as I envisioned myself sitting in the screened in porch leisurely making cards while looking out over the lake. I packed my yoga mat intending to re-start my practice amidst the serenity of nature, and I brought my running shoes for daily hiking excursions.
Having rented a cottage for six years when the kids were little, I knew what to expect. The first week was filled with fishing, swimming, walking, reading, canoeing, camp fires and evening card games. The family was together and we were busy filling every minute of the day. I took endless photos to save all the memories of this wonderful week together. I didn’t miss my home, my work, or anything that goes along with all that. While reading one of the three books I finished during that first week, I looked around the room to see all four of us immersed in our stories. All was well.
On Thursday of that week my son needed to leave for a golf tournament. My daughter’s boyfriend came to visit on the Friday and Saturday, and on Sunday my daughter went back home to work the following week. My husband and I were now alone for the second week. We had been looking forward to spending the next seven days by ourselves savouring the peace and quiet. No more driving back and forth into town. No more taking the kids out in the boat. No more large meal planning. We could do or not do whatever we wanted. And what seemed like a dream come true quickly became an unexpected disappointment.
We woke up the first morning, had breakfast together and then walked the dog. When we arrived back at the cottage, I could feel a sense of uneasiness in my husband. I tried to read him but I didn’t understand because he loved being at the cottage. Suddenly, I felt sad and I couldn't decide what to do. I had no desire to pull out my computer or my art work. I looked at the books on the table and thought I should start to read one but, I had no interest. I saw my camera hanging from the kitchen chair, and I let out a heavy sigh while leaving it right where it was. It was quiet but, there was unrest. I felt uncomfortable and I didn’t like it. I felt frustrated with how I felt. Were we not capable of being alone together at a beautiful cottage enjoying ourselves? Apparently not!!
We went down to sit by the lake and after about an hour my husband surprised me by turning to me and asking if I would like to go home. Secretly, I was thrilled but, I didn’t want to show my enthusiasm too much. He had planned this holiday and I was worried that he was just offering to go home because he could feel that I didn’t want to be there anymore. I looked at him and asked if he wanted to go home. He said he did. He said that it wasn’t the same without the kids and we could do the same things and even more of what we wanted to do if we were at home. YES!!!!! I was thrilled. We decided to pack up the next morning and head for Kingston.
Many would find this crazy. Many would say we must not be happy together. Many would think that if you paid for a cottage, you should stay there and enjoy it. But, we were not enjoying it. We missed the hustle and bustle of the children. The dog wouldn’t settle in to his new environment and wasn’t eating. The mattresses were soft and neither one of us were sleeping well. We were physically and emotionally uncomfortable. Not our idea of a vacation. And so, we packed our things, cleaned up after ourselves and drove home. When we arrived at our house Jake went straight to his dog dish and ate a full bowl of food. After going to the back yard, he returned and went to his comfy chair and sank into a deep sleep. Hank assumed his position in his chair and got caught up on his newspaper reading, and I filled the rest of my day with all the things I like doing. I wrote on my computer and downloaded the cottage photos while sitting at my little desk in the corner of our office. I took a shower in our nice big tub. I went downstairs and practiced yoga. Then, I sat at my art table and made a card to thank the people who rented us the cottage for such a pleasant stay.
I did all the things that I was physically able to do at the cottage. The difference was that I was more comfortable here. It wasn’t about having all the comforts of home at the cottage; it was about being uncomfortable at the cottage because we weren’t at home. That is “roughing it” for my husband and me; being somewhere and feeling uncomfortable even though you have everything you think you need.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)