Friday, April 29, 2011

10 Things I Love About Everyday Life

One of the women in last week’s “Artist’s Way” group brought in a treat for each of the participants and me. It was a little packet with 10 blank tickets number 1 through 10. The packet was inscribed with “10 Things I Love About Everyday Life”. This was only the second meeting for this particular group, and I was inspired by the bond that had already developed within this group of individuals. I small gesture of this type opens a floodgate of kindness that evolves into life time friendships and support.


I opened the packet this morning and held the tickets in my hand. They had a feel of a ticket you would have received at a theatre back in the day. The ridges on either end were exaggerated and they each had a different coloured border and a space for the date. The date would correspond with whatever you wrote, on the lines provided, that you love about everyday life.

I turned the tickets around in my hands. I moved them slowly through my fingers and thought about what I love about everyday life. I didn’t want to do this quickly because I knew that this required some thought in order for me to be honest with my response to the question; what are the 10 things I love about everyday life? I also wanted to take my time because I knew that there would be a reflection during the process.

Once I got started, it was easy and my pen flowed across each ticket with ease. I was not surprised to see that each piece of gratitude contained examples of the very simple things in life, and that I had way more than 10 loves of daily living. I tried not to think of what I would have written on the tickets 10 or even 5 years ago as I would never have been so present to what truly brings me joy. However, I couldn’t help but compare my present state of mindfulness to that of the same person while she was so unaware.


I decided that I needed to be grateful for the awakening and for the gift that was given to me by one of the “deserving women”. The subtle gift of reflection presented in a colourful wrapper triggered yet more self insight. How inspiring when the participant becomes an Authentic Leader through the shear virtue of kindness and love of giving. My 11th love of everyday life became “the sudden reiteration that we are all leaders of authenticity when we each make the choice to live our life of truth”.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Shutterbugs Unite!!

I have been yearning to play with my camera for years. I have looked for photography classes or a venue that would fit my amateur status, but was never successful. I abandoned the idea assuming one is either a great photographer or one who is not so good and not worthy of instruction.

Then I crossed paths with Marla, a woman who was an acquaintance of mine some 30 years ago through work. I now consider her my friend as we have both grown into a stage of womanhood that lends to growth and truth and peace. Marla introduced me to a fellow blogger, Tracey of www.beautifuldayto.blogspot.com. Tracey is a photographer who offers workshops for multi level talented shutterbugs. I am so excited as I pursue my newfound love!!!!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Paying Attention

I finally got around to framing a painting that my husband and I purchased during our trip to Kelowna last July. I was looking at it today and was mesmerized by the beauty of it. I looked at the bird and wondered if he was dreaming of what could be, or if he was taking the time to pay attention to all that there was.


There is a certain peace that we acquire when we find happiness in the solitude of being by ourselves. We find out that we are not truly alone except for the absence of other people. Once we take the time to look around and pay attention to the gifts that surround us, we discover we are blessed with the company of so much and that we become overwhelmed by the joy that we are experiencing.

This epiphany triggers a multitude of shifts within us as we are no longer willing to sacrifice being with those who suck our joy from us. We become choosy as we surround ourselves with like minded individuals, and we walk away from those who diminish our lights.

You know, the ones who have to talk about themselves all the time. They measure everything and compete for attention. Julia Cameron of “The Artist’s Way” calls them “Crazy Makers”. They love drama and they want to be the star at all costs. They like to be the authority on everything, and they will blow out your light if it means that theirs will shine brighter. They are ego driven, and always in need. Their need over rides your need......always. They do not like to be alone because they need others to raise them up. They dream of what could be, but never do what needs to be done to get there.

They inflict destructive behaviours on you, and as an authentic person, it is your job to dis-empower them by not allowing them to control you. Say “no”. Do not give them special treatment; do not allow them to discount what you want; do not allow them to spend your time and money; do not allow them to destroy deals or schedules they have committed to; do not allow them to blame you. Do “call” them on all of this because you do not deserve to be treated like this. Crazy Makers create self-destruction while entrenched in “making crazy”. If you chose to allow a Crazy Maker in your life, you are choosing to not pay attention. If you are paying attention, you will chose to walk away.

I think the bird in the painting chose to walk away from the Crazy Makers and seek solitude. I think he is paying attention to all the beauty that surrounds him.  I think he is finding joy in his moment of peace.
xo

Monday, April 25, 2011

Being Enough

In everyone’s life there seems to be a few people who we tend to feel like “we’re just not enough” when we are with them. They don’t agree with what we think. They don’t agree with what we do. They challenge our every word and move, and then attempt to coerce us to their side. At least, that’s what it seems like.

The truth is that this may be our perception of what is going on. They may be feeling the same way. If you think about it, if they don’t agree with you, then you don’t agree with them. As the saying goes, you both may need to “agree to disagree”. By doing so, you will be respecting the other person’s beliefs and you will be allowing them to be themselves.

Agreeing to be open to our differences creates a gentler approach to being in someone’s company who is not of like mind. It is when we allow the other person to continue in their attempt to change our value system when our integrity is challenged. When we adhere to being manipulated into being someone we are not so that we feel accepted is when we have disempowered our authenticity and empowered their control over us. We have now become that person who feels like “she is never enough” because we can never feel comfortable trying to be someone we are not just for the sake of “fitting in”.

We find comfort in the “blame game” as we hold them responsible for their power over us. We call them manipulative and controlling when we, in fact, simply roll over and succumb to their control. It is how we perceive ourselves and whether or not we have the courage to react in our true form that will determine our own empowerment. If you behave according to the person you really are, you cannot be changed or controlled, and you will not feel guilty for how you think or feel. It is not about reaction, but simply about being. You will be enough, and you will feel like you are more than enough.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

4 Day Weekend Bliss


Easter weekend began with a walk at in the woods on Good Friday with my daughter and our four legged buddy, Jake. Getting out in the fresh air with free time on our side was a welcome reprieve from the busyness of a regular work day. A leisurely walk turned into a brisk one as our canine companion led the way motivated by fresh spring scents. Stopping for photos was difficult as he was not interested in stopping and posing. The only rest we had was when Jake decided the lake was a water dish and drank relentlessly to satisfy his thirst. Once back at the parking lot, we realized that we had walked our route faster than ever before when our goal was really to stroll and play with our camera. Jake’s eyes were slowly closing five minutes after loading him in the car and his panting had subsided. He slept most of the rest of the day, and twitched often as he dreamed of chipmunks and squirrels.

Impatient Puppy

Thirsty Puppy

Saturday provided us with the pace we were seeking the day before as we went downtown for a little shopping. It stopped raining just as we parked the car, and we walked slowly down the main street, lattes in hand. Visiting one of my favourite shops, Very Shari, gave me my “Goddess”, “Gods” and “good energy” fix. Buddhas, angels, crystals, gems, stones and all things representing great Karma were in abundance as I saw and felt shelves of baubles, trinkets, statues and jewellery. I filled the afternoon absorbed in making Easter cards and playing in my newly rejuvenated art room.  The evening brought dinner with my husband’s family and a few quiet hours watching T.V.

One of the Great Gods at "Very Shari" in Kingston, On

Today began with an egg hunt which became a friendly, yet competitive, game between my daughter and her father; she won 45 eggs to 35. Afterwards, we met my family for brunch at Bistro Stephan. Upon our return home, I walked around my garden pleased to see the spring bulbs beginning to bloom. However, my smile faded as I was saddened to find an abandoned robin’s egg thrown out of its nest and resting in the dried grasses below.
Spring Bulbs

I now sit blogging having enjoyed a cup of tea and the ears I bit off of my Lindt dark chocolate bunny. I am thinking of a nap and then maybe a walk before beginning the Sunday dinner prep. All in all I am feeling at peace and rejuvenated while looking forward to yet another day of doing what I enjoy tomorrow. I am hopeful that you have taken advantage of this 4 day weekend blessing by spending it exactly the way you wanted!! xo

Saturday, April 23, 2011

More on Support and Safety............

There are times in our lives when we become so absorbed in our own selves that we forget to see our reflection in the lives of others. Being able to recognize the connectivity of ourselves to everyone we meet will provide us with the ability to both empathize with their worries and celebrate in their achievements as they do the same for us. This is the beauty of allowing our support system into our lives.  It is a dance of give and take.

Knowing that we are not the only ones feeling pain or joy enables us to relish in the feelings of camaraderie. Recognizing that there are people in our circle who understand what we are going through and want to listen is the true definition of support. They are not there to “fix” us or challenge our feelings of achievement, but rather, empathize with our pain and feel joy for our success.

It is the fear of feedback that prevents us from sharing our feelings and thoughts. Once we have chosen the people in our lives who we know will not judge or challenge us, we can settle into being ourselves, sharing our thoughts and bringing our guard down.

This is an essential part of feeling safe and being able to grow emotionally. Being able to be ourselves and receive compassion, while simultaneously, being compassionate of those who care for us is the dance of authenticity. However, when we are in extreme pain or ultimate joy we sometimes get swept away by our own selves. We can become obsessed with how we are feeling and forget that others share the very thing we are suffering or celebrating. Our support system slowly dwindles as we push away the very heart of our support by not being supportive of others. Being aware of others is as integral to the dance as being awake to ourselves. Without the partner, the dance cannot be performed as the very body that supports us is suddenly taken away.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Recovering a Sense of Safety

A year ago, I had a vision, and it actualized in my “Deserving Space” this week. An extremely fulfilling experience, as my first group of women walked through the door and began their journey of authenticity and creativity. We spoke of being respectful of one another and using compassion while listening to each other’s sharing of thoughts and experiences. The energy in the room felt inviting and safe. The topic of conversation was “Recovering a Sense of Safety”, appropriate given the fact that 5 people were bringing their very private lives to people they had never met and an unknown environment.

The first step to being able to move toward living our true selves is feeling safe enough to walk into the fear of starting the work. This requires a strong support system in our lives, and may seem easy as you think of all the people you know and love. However, if you are moving through an authentic transition, the people in your life may not understand the changes you are experiencing. Your behaviour and talk will shift and, what they see and hear may be misunderstood. Suddenly, a space appears in your relationship and, neither one of you knows how to respond to the other. Your paradigms are most likely much different from theirs.

Keeping in mind that the other person, not you, is probably more in the dark than you are, communicating what you are feeling and thinking is the key to maintaining their support and their friendship. We must understand that our loved ones have known us for most of our lives, and they know us as we were. We need to ensure them that we are still the same person, but that we are moving through some inner work and introspection. We need to ask them for understanding and patience.

They may not understand completely, or you may be surprised to find out that they have already moved through their journey of authenticity, or that they are interested in becoming more aware themselves. You may encounter one or two members of your support team who create distance in your relationship. This is not a true reflection of how they feel about you as their behaviour is most likely based on fear; their own fear of seeking their true path of living. Giving them space and time is an act of kindness as you allow them to digest the changes in you.

Compassion for them and compassion for you will provide you with the ease and grace that you need to gently make choices that reflect your own values. Give those in your life the time to adjust as you do the same, and seek those who are of like mind and soul. Whether you are ready to start your journey of truth, are actively moving through it, or have already arrived there, surround yourself with like minded beings as you find comfort in their understanding and love. Remember to make new friends and embrace their kindness as did the “Deserving Women” when they faced their fears this week and welcomed a new support system into their lives.
xoxo

Monday, April 18, 2011

Giving a Hoot

Walking through the small village of Midland, Michigan, we stumbled upon a store called “Hoot”. My husband, peering through the window, looked at me and saw the smile on my face, “let’s go in” in succumbed. We spent quite a bit of time browsing the creative works of Sarah Barnett. I was drawn to her “dog tags” that included sayings, initials and vintage photos of people of years gone by. My husband was intrigued by a wall filled with quotes and inspirations mounted on black plaques. Moving away from the “bauble” table, my eye caught a rack filled with hand sewn tops, scarves and children’s clothing. Further on were hand crafted dishes, vases and cards and tags.


Amidst all this creative eye candy I could hear a humming noise but couldn’t figure out what it was. Once I had absorbed everything surrounding me, I tried to figure out where the humming was coming from. As I turned a corner, I saw the artist at work sitting behind a sewing machine. She sat surrounded by mounds of fabric and ribbon.


Sarah’s smile was contagious as I recognized the expression of someone experiencing true joy. We chatted briefly as I marvelled at her ability to have created a space that enabled her to work, create and, simultaneously, sell her wares. She was in artist’s heaven.

I, of course, purchased “dog tags” for me and my daughter. I did so because I was drawn to them and because I wanted to support the creative genius living in Sarah. She packaged each chain and the trinkets in lime green tissue, a “hoot” gift box and then placed them all in a polka dot cellophane bag with a ribbon to finish it off.

I wished that I could have spent more time in this treasure cove of creativity, but I knew that my husband would only last a certain amount of time, and I was probably nearing the point of leaving. I walked out with my package valued at $57 and decided that it was worth as much as this season’s hottest Coach bag.




Sunday, April 17, 2011

Cold, Wind and Time Well Spent

I am so grateful to have spent time with my son, Simon, this past weekend. Having just recently turned 21, he has grown into a young man celebrating authenticity in fine form. Since the age of 10 when his father took him on to the golf course and held a club for the first time, he has dreamed of the game of golf day and night. He has and continues to study, watch and practice every aspect of this frustrating sport whenever he can. He is dedicated and hard working, and strives to fulfill his dream of becoming a pro golfer.

When we arrived at the Prestwick Golf Club in Highland, Michigan there was a cold, bitter wind that created temperatures worthy of winter coats, hats, mitts and wind pants. I watched the players brave the weather as they teed off on the first hole of 36 in the first day of the Detroit Titan’s Invitational. Knowing that there was a second day ahead with another round, I was a bit leary of the 15 hours of walking. Remaining positive and not wanting to complain, I was slightly worried as am very aware of my limitations and how far my energy stores will take me. I was already tired from my busy previous week, and my neck was causing me some grief from extended computer time. Bringing my thoughts back to the players, I noticed how focused they were on their game. Their calm and determination to play in the poor weather conditions motivated me to continue to follow.

After the first round my husband and I snuck away for a latte and lunch. I could feel my rheumatoid arthritis sneaking up on me, but ignored it as we rushed back to follow the last 14 holes of the second round. Being able to watch your child do what he loves creates so much pride that it over rides any thoughts of giving up on yourself. And so, as my fingers, toes and knees began to stiffen as I moved steadily forward keeping my eye on the ball at all times.

After 2 rounds and dinner at the club with the team, we headed back to the hotel. At this point, it was too late; I had initiated a flare. I went straight to bed, and woke up the next morning to nausea, a low grade fever, pain and swelling. Moving through the motions of getting ready, I talked myself into making it through the last 18 holes of the tournament. Rain was added to the weather menu, so we brought umbrellas and prayed for the storm to pass. By the time we arrived on the first hole, the rain had subsided and we were left with wind and cold.

Simon played exceptionally well that last day ending with an overall 5th place; his team was awarded with a first place finish. We celebrated with a nice lunch in the quaint town of Midland. Once back at our hotel, I looked down at my fingers that I was unable to bend or straighten. My knuckles were swollen and red, and my hands were set in a crippled stance. I took more medication and decided that a nap might do me some good. Waking up an hour later, I was in such a malaise state that I rolled over and slept another 10 hours.

I woke up this morning to the sun shining brightly, a hot shower, more medication, and a hearty breakfast. Feeling slightly better, I was ready for the 7 hour drive home. Back at home and as I write this I wonder if I made good decisions while struggling through my physical limitations of walking 50 holes on a rugged course through bitter temperatures and gusting winds. Pain and low energy levels are indicators I should listen to, and yet, my love for my son set precedence as I couldn’t miss one minute of being part of his life’s passion. Next year, on this same week of April, I will be back pushing my limits as I spend time with my son.







Wednesday, April 13, 2011

"Yes" and "No"

I really struggled this week with getting to my blog site. With 2 days of intensive Authentic Leadership training Monday and Tuesday and preparing to leave tomorrow for a trip to visit my son in the States for the weekend, today became my only opportunity to offer some thoughts for the week. On Sunday I looked ahead in my day timer and realized that I would be saying “no” on many occasions in the days ahead in order to prioritize what I wanted to accomplish. Amazingly, my practice facilitation topic during my training yesterday was “How do I learn to say “no” and be o.k. with it”?

I already knew that saying “no” can be extraordinarily freeing, but what I also learned was that the truly fulfilling side of this act is the opportunity to say “yes” to so many other things. Because saying “no” can be perceived as negative and uninviting to yourself and others, saying “yes” becomes very positive and exciting. There is so much talk about saying “no” and how difficult it is to turn people down and the guilt that is felt by uttering this very short word. So, let’s make it easy by turning it around and making it a “yes” to all the great possibilities that it presents.

“Yes” to all the things you want to do, instead of “no” to all the unimportant, unfulfilling things you struggle to fit into your life. When you look at all of the great “yes” options, you will see how ridiculous it would be to choose doing the obvious “no’s” in your life. You will find that the “yes” experiences you choose will be the things that bring you the most joy in your life. The “no’s” will be task oriented “to do” things that can wait until tomorrow, next week or even next year. You may even decide to shelve them forever.

This is the reason you did not hear from me at the beginning of this week. I needed to prioritize and do something that meant the world to me; something that gave me great purpose and joy. It is the same reason that you will not likely hear from me until next Monday as I leave tomorrow morning to visit my son to celebrate his 21st birthday. I will bring my computer, and if the opportunity arises, I will do a little blogging, but it may not be on the top of my list as I say “yes” to spending time with my number one son.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Once in a Blue Moon

Once the weather shifts from the bitter cold to above zero temperatures, my dog and good buddy, Jake is blessed with a long daily walk. Unfortunately, anything more than five degrees below freezing causes my fingers and toes extreme grief so, we only attempt a quick walk around the block. During the work week, I wait until everyone has left for school and work. On Saturdays, I take my time to read the paper and have coffee and breakfast with my husband. I then get dressed and come out to let him know that I am leaving for my walk. Every Saturday, I ask him if he would like to come with me, and I cannot remember the last time that he said, “Yes”. Until today, when he looked up at me, and agreed to come along.

Rather than show my surprise, I told him I would wait for him to get ready, and I smiled to myself as I went to get my coat. I don’t mind walking on my own; I actually quite like it as I do a lot of thinking and planning while I move along my route. However, I also enjoy walking with my husband as it provides us with the luxury of uninterrupted conversation. It’s not that there are a lot of people in our house or even much going on, but there are other distractions that get in the way.

There is the ever present vibration of the blackberrys, the drone of the T.V with C.N.N. and the Golf channel, the lap tops that each of us have readily available with emails coming in at a steady stream, and our daughter’s constant movement throughout the house. With all of this surround sound, it is difficult to stay focused on any serious or casual conversation.

So, when my husband was affirmative on the walk, I was secretly ecstatic. I would have him all to myself. I would most definitely be doing most of the talking because I am the talker in our relationship, and he would be 100 percent focused on every word I would say because he would have nothing else to look at or listen to. And so it went, just like that. I spoke, he listened and then provided affirmations, suggestions, and opinions; my great and smart sounding board. It seems like such a small thing to be thankful for, but, if you think about it, it really is quite a big deal ~ to have your husband's complete attention for one whole hour, without interruption! I will continue to ask my partner to go for a walk with me, every Saturday, and for that every "once in a blue moon" that he says, “Yes”, I will be very grateful to have him all to myself.



Friday, April 8, 2011

A Piece of Sky

The first time I watched the movie, Yentl was in 1983 during its debut. I was 23 years old and had long been a fan of Barbra Streisand. Back then, I interpreted the movie to be about a young woman who wanted to get an education, pretended to be a man in order to do so, and then fell in love with her mentor. This is all very true, but really only touches on the story’s outline. I listened to “A Piece of Sky” and thought it was about finding a man and being happy. I now realize, 27 years later, that it is all about being deserving of everything that we wish for.

Dreams often feel very abstract, and yet, they are a reflection of our true perception of reality. They send us messages in convoluted ways, and if we took the time to analyse them, I know that they could be a guide if we decided to take their lead. Dreams, along with everyday events, give us clues into what is available to us. When we turn our backs to those subliminal angels, we create blocks to all that is available to us. Sometimes, we just need to open the door to what has come knocking.

This requires being awake and looking at what is being offered when we are not dreaming. It really is right there in front of you. Sometimes, you need to be brave and ask for it. If you are thinking about doing something, you most likely have the ability to make it happen. If you are not taking the first step toward what you want, there is something that you are allowing to stop you. It’s a block that you have chosen not to get rid of.

Most blocks consist of other people’s opinions. When we muster up the courage to share a passion, most certainly there will be that one person in our life who decides to try to shut us down. They very nicely or not so nicely indicate that our dream is ridiculous or unattainable. This is a critical moment in the creation or destruction of our growth. This is when we decide whether that individual’s opinion is real or not. This is when we have the ability to remember that, just because the words flowed out of his or her mouth, doesn’t mean that they make what is said real. It is only real if we truly believe what is said. If we believe what someone else says more than what we feel is true, we have diminished our dream to nothingness. We must seek and ask for what we want, and allow nothing to get in our way. Why should we settle for just a piece of the sky when we can have it all?

A Piece of Sky ~  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNYjeXyO08k



Monday, April 4, 2011

"The Man That Got Away"

This morning as I was eating my breakfast I heard music coming from my daughter’s bedroom, and it sounded vaguely familiar. After a few moments, I realized that it was a sound from my past. I sipped my coffee, and the sound of Judy Garland’s voice belting out “The Man That Got Away” threw a vision in front of me that nearly knocked me off my bar stool. There I was as a 16 year old girl, standing on the family living room ottoman with an antique wooden pill crusher in my right hand, held in front of my mouth, as I belted out show tunes with all the passion of a star on Broadway. I shook my head back to reality, and tried to figure out why Judy Garland was on my daughter’s ipod.

Is it possible that this little piece of me has rubbed off on my 17 year old after all these years of me playing show tunes of the 40’s, 50’s and 60’s? It appears so as half way through the song she came waltzing into the kitchen, her fist up to her mouth, singing the chorus like she was Judy herself.

When I was young, we would come home from church and stack the stereo, 6 albums at a time, from the classics; Judy along with Barbra Streisand, Billie Holiday, Bobby Darin, Dinah Washington, Doris Day, Lena Horne, Peggy Lee, Paul Anka, Dusty Springfield and all the members of the “rat pack” were included in this Sunday morning line up. I saw myself as one of them. I envisioned myself on stage singing each of their songs. I felt every emotion they felt as they sang the stories of love and heartbreak. I still believe that there is nothing better than listening to these songs as they sounded back then with all the crackling of the old LPs and the audience applauding in the background. It all comes down to the “feel”; the stirring of your heart; the depth of the music, and the amount of soul that the singer offers to the performance.

I played a rendition of “The Man That Got Away” by Barbra Streisand for my daughter. I indicated that I preferred it to Judy Garland’s and she scoffed at my choice. She felt that the original by Garland was far superior, but couldn’t tell me why; she just “felt” that way. Fair enough; it is all about the “feel”.

Take a moment and listen to these two super stars sing one of my favourite songs of all time. They will both stir your emotions, but one will capture your heart more than the other. Enjoy!!!!



"The Man That Got Away"
Judy Garland  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tLG1GwKqIg&feature=related
Barbra Streisand  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Ma-GOjXzu4

Sunday, April 3, 2011

She packed up her potential and all she had learned,
grabbed a cute pair of shoes, and headed out to change a few things.
Her heart glowed with a degree of happy assurance.......

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Movie Night

Friday nights are “movie night” in my house. We started this tradition when my children were young, and it has maintained its place on our schedule, albeit with a few changes occurring over the years. My son has been away at school for 2 years so, he no longer participates  When he comes home for the summer, he is busy with other activities and socializes with his friends. My daughter, who is in grade 11 and still lives at home, now has a boyfriend, a job, and many other things to fill her time rather than sit with her 50-something parents watching a movie that she probably has no interest in.

Unfortunately, Friday night T.V. hosts a variety of sporting events of which my husband sees much more valuable use of his time watching. Since half of the family has bailed on our “quality time”, he deems family night, well, non-existent. We “shoddy” the big screen as we both believe that what we are each watching equally qualifies for the HD experience. We will compromise depending on the importance of the tournament or the rating of the movie, but generally, it’s a “call” system. Last night I got the big screen, but I did wait until the golf tournament finished.

Many would wonder why we don’t watch sports together first and then enjoy the movie. The answer is simple, we just don’t want to, and we are o.k. with it. There are times, like tonight, when we watch the “Final Four” together because I enjoy a good basketball game. Sometimes I watch a bit of golf because I have nothing better to do and I am somewhat interested in it. But for the most part, I don’t like to invest much time in watching sports. When I relax, I like to have a nice glass of wine and watch a good movie or one of my favourite shows, and so, that’s what I do. I don’t expect my husband to watch my choice of films, although he does sometimes join me when the subject peaks his interest.

In the end, there is only so much time in a day, and we each have our favourite things to do. We like to do a lot of things together, but we have found that we need to respect how the other chooses to spend time alone as well. It works for us, and there is no guilt involved. Finding what makes your family happy together is important. Investing time doing what makes you happy on your own is equally valued and well-deserved.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Babs

I had coffee with my beautiful friend, Barbara, today. She is a Greek Goddess who is turning 79 this year. We had not planned our coffee meeting; we never do. I walked into the coffee shop, and there she sat alone at a table for two. She stood out in the crowd, elegantly poised in a gorgeous slate skirt and blouse, with an accented feathered fringed sweater and black heels. Her naturally silver hair sits in a bob style with wisped bangs that intermittently fall forward. Her carefully manicured hands gently push the hair back as she adds a quick flick of her head to the manoeuvre.

I have known Barbara for years as she frequented my parents’ delicatessen when I was just a teenager. We were worlds apart back then; she was a young mother, raising a family, and I was in high school thinking about what I wanted to be when I grew up. I was happy to see her today because we haven’t chatted for a while. We are 30 years apart in age, but it is different now as I understand and respect her great words of wisdom. We both have European backgrounds so I understand her husband’s philosophy of life as I grew up with a father of similar views.

She still lives in her large family home with her husband. She would like to move into something smaller, but her husband refuses, and so she is eager to do what is necessary to meet his wishes by renovating and perhaps closing off some of the house. She laughs as she tells me how ridiculous he is being, but I know that she says this with much love because she thrives on her purpose to take care of him. She goes on to tell me that he will never change as he wishes to die in the house that he is so proud of. Her Greek accent becomes thicker as she gets a little annoyed and explains that this house represents more than a place to eat and sleep. It is everything her husband has worked for; his wife, his children, his extended family. It is a place for his children and grand children to come back to, and it brings him extended joy to be able to provide them with the comfort of space and abundance while relishing in their company.

Barbara tells me that she must be respectful of his wishes, and will not take this away from him because it is what motivates him to get up every morning. Every day, she argues with him about moving, knowing that he will never change his mind. I ask her why she continues to natter at him if she knows he will never budge. I tell her she should not waste her energy.  She looks at me with a glimmer in her eyes and slowly says, “it’s a lot of fun, getting him all worked up; it’s what I enjoy doing”! I respond with a chuckle, “you’re bad Barbara, but I know that you love him and want him to be happy”. “Of course”, she says, “but don't let him know that”! Lovely Barbara........

xoxo