The Burning Bush and Smiling

Since closing my old business and opening my new one, I have noticed a change in the spring in my step.  My neck is not bothering me as much, and I have a lot more energy than I  have had in a long time.  My medications are regulated better than ever since I was diagnosed with Rheumatiod Arthritis 5 years ago.  I feel like I have found the recipe of balance in more ways than one.  Having over thought turning 50 was a big waste of time and energy as it turned out to be the turning point toward what I think are going to be the best years of my life. 

I had this epiphany yesterday fter meditating for 15 minutes in my living room, I opened my eyes to view the spectacular vision of my "Burning Bush".  It was breath taking and its transformation of color from a subdued green/brown to a brighter than bright red reminded me of a person (me) who had been smiling without being happy, and then had suddenly awakened to discover what she needed to do to smile from actually "being" happy.  Once she had this revelation, she began to do her happy dance and her colours shone so bright that it was blinding.

Later that day, I was listening to the song, "Smile" and everything was reiterated again. I  have listened to this song a hundred times and always believed that smiling through my deepest pain would make everything better.  It occurred to me that you also need to "do" something to make things better; which is exactly what I have finally been able to do.  I still love this song because it takes you in the right direction taking you from the "thinking" to the "doing".

Smile, though your heart is aching

Smile, even though its breaking

Smile, what's the use of crying

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dh57sCPjtzw

I realized that even though I was happy with everything around me, my family, friends, home, etc., I was not happy with myself. I was always positive and smiling and everyone praised me for this, but I was not content or fulfilled. It's great to be able to smile through your troubles, but remember that, in the end, this does not take away your unhappiness or fill your void. Actually, doing what is required to fulfill your authentic self is what will ultimately make you happy and smile without even trying.  If you listen to and watch Judy Garland (above link), you will hear and see happiness and sadness; not in balance, but instead competing with one another (her demise was not a pretty one).  One of them has to win, and we all have the ability to make the happiness rule!!!!

When I opened my eyes and saw the blazing red of the "Burning Bush" I reveled at the fact that its personality had jumped out at the same time that mine had. A true sign that we are all part of this great universe, working in unison with nature and all other people. And so, today I dare you to shine bright in your own unique way without worrying what anyone thinks or says. Do something that makes you smile without trying to.

xoxo

Quote of the Week

Before I change the quote of the week, take a few minutes to read it a couple of times and think about how it applies to you. “Be yourself because everyone else is taken” ~ Oscar Wilde.

I found this quote within a wonderful gift from a friend who creates the most beautiful “inspiration kits”. They are filled with fabulous quotes, anecdotes and collages that make you think of all things good and positive, and simply, and that celebrate “you” and whatever journey you may be on. The most thoughtful gift for someone you care about!!!!  http://www.zendollworkshop.com/

I was taken aback when I read the quote “Be yourself because everyone else is taken” because it exemplifies the entire purpose of my wellness business. These words reflect my current personal and professional purpose. What I have recently come to realize is that I have, subconsciously, been longing to be myself for a very long time.

Let me go back to the root of my business and how its manifestation began. When my daughter was a little girl, around 7 years old, she came home one day from school and was upset by some girls’ nasty comments about her pants. Her feelings were hurt because she had initially been very proud of her new pants. She had waited for these pants for a while and we had just bought them the day before. She told me that she never wanted to wear the pants ever again. As I watched my daughter with tears in her eyes and listened to her words of self defence, I knew exactly how she felt. I knew what she was experiencing because as a child I had endured the pain of listening to other children’s and adults' criticism. Unfortunately, I was not confident enough not to worry about what someone else thought of me.

As I comforted my little girl, I decided that I would encourage her to believe in herself enough to wear what she liked even if someone else didn’t like it. I struggled to find the “right” words to communicate what I wanted to say. Finally, the words just jumped out of my mouth, “Dare to be yourself”. I asked her to think about who should decide what she should like and what she shouldn't, and whose opinion had any value to her.  I'm not sure if she fully comprehended the message I was trying to send, but she looked at me and she thought for a moment before picking the pants up off the floor. She folded them and placed them on the chair with another t-shirt for the next day.

As I approached my 50th birthday this year, I found myself cleaning out my closet of all the clothes that I had bought, but never did like. I gave them all away and bought items that truly reflected who I really am. It was the first step toward being true to me; toward being myself and no one else. Dare To Be Deserving is all about not being afraid to do what makes you happy and be the person who makes you happy without any regrets . It’s about teaching our children to do the same. It’s about taking the fear out of expecting everyone around you to respect who you are and to allow you to be that person in every aspect of your life.

Trying to be that person who others expect you to be is self destruction at its best.  Being your true authentic self is practicing integrity in its greatest form.  Having the courage to respect your self and everything about you is called love.  If I could have a coffee with Oscar Wilde, I would ask him to add two words to his quote.............”Dare to be yourself because everyone else is taken”.

Pet Peeve

I have a very strong pet peeve about something that I can’t seem to shake. I have been passionate about this particular thing forever. It has become an obsessive topic for me. Every time I say I am going to just let it be what it is, it comes back to haunt me and I have to recalibrate myself. It’s about this whole “customer service” deficiency that we are currently experiencing. Usually, I can handle the odd lack of attention when I go into a store but, today I had quite a few errands to run, and it seems that the customer service Gods were not on my side.


My first encounter was when I walked into the local Subway store. I was the only customer waiting at the counter, and 3 young employees were standing in the back chatting. They looked at me through the opened window and then proceeded to finish their conversation. One girl finally approached me and asked me what I wanted. I told her what my daughter wanted on her 6 inch whole wheat, and she quickly put the sandwich together without looking or smiling at me. She rang in the order, took my money, and walked away from me without a second glance. I was still putting my change away and zipping up my purse while I listened to her and her co-workers discuss what she was going to do when she got off work. At no time during our interaction did she put forth any effort to make me feel welcome or paid attention to. Leaving me alone, not once, but twice, at the counter was an indication to me that she did not care about me at all. I walked out the door making a note to myself never to go back there again.

My second customer service blunder occurred at Loblaws. Let me just say that I am very picky about whose checkout I chose to go through. There are some very good cahiers at this particular store. I was in a rush today, so I went to the checkout with the shortest customer line without taking note of who was on duty. Big mistake! Everything started out fine as my cashier smiled at me and asked me how I was doing. We briefly chatted until we were interrupted by the neighbour cahier who had finished with her customer, and appeared to be bored. Ignoring me completely, she turned to her co-worker and began to discuss her hair colour situation; she had done it herself and had to re-do it several times to get rid of the purple. I had about $150 worth of groceries and the time that it takes for someone to ring in this amount of food is how long she chatted about her hair to my cashier. I took a deep breath in and out, and allowed the conversation to dissolve without making a sound. I contemplated making a complaint, but told myself that the woman must have needed to get the hair topic off her chest, and that her intent was never to tick me off.

I had a few more stops to make, and thankfully, the clerks were extremely kind and provided me with the service that everyone deserves. In no time, I was forgetting about the lack of customer service I had received during my previous 2 stops.

Perhaps this is all part of the balance that we need to experience in order to appreciate all the goodness in the world. Maybe a little bit of frustration in our lives helps us to feel gratitude when things go smoothly. I wonder if all of the heartaches we experience equate with the wonderfulness we are given from time to time. In the meantime, I will still expect good customer service while I continue to provide exceptional customer service.

Thunder Storms and Colic

Before we heard the thunder rumbling quietly from far away, our Brittany spaniel, Jake, started to prance around, unable to settle. He is our indicator that a storm is on its way. It was 10:30 p.m. and we had just finished putting all the furniture back into the bedrooms after having the carpets replaced. After two days of disarray and then clean up, we had been looking forward to a solid night’s sleep. There were sheets of lightening flashing from a distance. Jake’s eyes became black and panicked, and we knew that we would not be laying our heads down any time soon.

There is nothing that anyone can do for Jake when he reacts to a thunder storm. His anxiety heightens to an uncontrollable level and he spirals into an exhausting, circling of the house. He begs to go outside into the storm perhaps thinking that the thunder and lightning are inside and he needs to get away from it. We were once told that the best thing to do is to ignore him when he becomes agitated, and he will eventually calm down and go to sleep. We have tried this, but we never get very far as our empathy for him takes over and we get up with him because he doesn’t understand what is happening. We sit on the couch, pet him when he comes over, we try to calm him down, and talk to him while we wait out the storm.

As I sat up with him last night, I heard the clock chime 3 times and remembered another time in my life when I sat with someone I loved while he was in a panicked state. Twenty years ago, I spent many endless nights sitting up with my infant son. I would rock him and pace the floor for hours on end as he suffered through the trauma of colic. Nothing would calm him down; laying him in his seat with the dryer on, pushing him in his swing, holding him close in his snugly, rocking him in the glider, pushing him in his stroller and walking for miles; he was inconsolable. We were told that the best thing to do was to leave him in his crib and let him cry. We tried this once and rushed to him after 5 minutes because he didn’t understand what was happening. We picked him up and held him close to our hearts while we waited out the little storm in his body.

So, for all the Jakes in the world, you are our babies now, we love you and we will stay up with you until the thunder and lightning passes through.

"Feel Good"

Well, this weekend was made up of so many “feel good” moments that I am overwhelmed with everything that goes along with that!! My girlfriend swept me away to Toronto to attend the Queen West Art Crawl. This has become an annual event as we celebrate my birthday with our very good friend who graciously invites us into her home for the weekend. We are treated to our very own space in her home, and welcomed with fabulous food and drink and extraordinarily good company.

As I moved through all of the planned events, from cupcake decorating, wearing a “cake” hat and blowing out candles, opening presents and homemade cards, shopping, dining, and non-stop talking and laughing, it occurred to me how such simple pleasures can make you feel so good! There was no real purpose to anything that we did other than to enjoy each moment. The openness of conversation and thoughts was freeing as the element of trust was obvious and yet, never discussed. Sharing mutual passions and problems, but never clear cut solutions, provided us with a feeling of knowing that someone else out there faces the same challenges, dreams and optimism as each of us do.  The gratitude that I feel towards my friends for generously giving me such a wonderful gift of goodness is difficult to describe. I think they know what this weekend meant to me, and for that I am thankful. 

Watching my friend’s daughter interact with those who flocked to her art booth in the park was a definite “feel good” moment. The passion that she has for her work is contagious and inspiring. She comes by this honestly as her mother exudes creativity and the love of art ~ more “feel good”.

Now, off to manifest the good feelings and domino them on to the rest of my life and everyone who surrounds me. Hope you are receiving a taste of my “feel good” energy as I send it your way........

  Danielle outside her booth getting some "feel good" lovin’ from a friend. 

My favourite "feel good" work by Danielle

http://www.daniellehession.com/

http://www.dannyanddani.blogspot.com/

Ta Ta For Now

I have been very remiss in visiting my own blog this week as I am busy launching my new business, Dare To Be Deserving, Balanced Living.  Check out my website http://www.daretobedeserving.com/ for info.  I won't be able to post this weekend either as I am heading off to Toronto tomorrow for the weekend with my great friend, Alison to visit another great friend, Jocelyn.  We are going to visit the Queen West Art Crawl featuring Danielle Hession's wonderful works of art.  This has become an annual event for us, and I am so looking forward to it. So, ta, ta for now ~ I will be back on Monday!!!!

Two years ago I received one of those emails that you think is just a joke that you will have a laugh at and then delete it. It was a “Friends” questionnaire that was meant to help you get to know your friends better. The questions were intriguing, and I found myself wanting to fill it out to share myself with those who I felt should know me better. I filled it out and sent it to my very closest friends; the ones I knew I could trust with my personal feelings, habits, likes and dislikes. It turned out to have a great impact on me. Within 24 hours I received my friends’ responses and I was blown away by their answers. The first thing that amazed me was how much I didn’t already know about the people I thought I knew so well. The second and most surprising thing that hit me was question number 25. “What did you want to be when you were little?”


The question itself was not surprising, but after sending my completed questionnaire out to my friends, I was taken aback when their answers came pouring back. Their perception of the question was clearly the most obvious as they answered, “a vet”, “a teacher”, “a journalist”, and so on. I, on the other hand, read the question and, without hesitating, typed out my answer, “to be loved”. It was not until I received my friends’ answers to the same question, all career oriented, that I realized how out of context my answer was. Even more interesting was that no one commented on the fact that my answer stuck out like a sore thumb.

I’m not sure why I answered, “to be loved” because I know that I was loved when I was young. Perhaps, I just knew that was the only thing that would ever truly matter. One thing that I do know for sure is that I have always made sure that my children know that they are loved……..a lot. The second thing that I have always instilled in them is that kindness be their most important goal in life. Kindness is love. Kindness is the ultimate expression of love; to be kind to others and to be kind to themselves. To love you is to love others because it will automatically flow from you to them. Once this happens, other great things will happen because only goodness comes from love.

So, today love yourself. Love your mind, your body and your soul. Be gentle and kind to yourself; you deserve it.

p.s. the questionnaire is on the most previous post if you want to fill it out and send it to your friends

Friends Questionaire

1. What time did you get up this morning?
2. Diamonds or pearls?
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
4. What is your favorite TV show?
5. What do you usually have for breakfast?
6. What is your middle name?
7. What food do you dislike?
8. What is your favorite CD at moment?
9. What kind of car do you drive?
10. Favorite sandwich?
11. What characteristic do you despise?
12. Favorite item of clothing?
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
14. Favorite brand of clothing?
15. Where would you retire to?
16. What was your most recent memorable birthday?
17. Favorite sport to watch?
18. Furthest place you are sending this?
19. Person you expect to send it back first?
20. When is your birthday?
21. Are you a morning person or a night person?
22. What is your shoe size?
23. Pets?
24. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us?
25. What did you want to be when you were little?
26. How are you today?
27. What is your favorite candy?
28. What is your favorite flower?
29. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to?
30. What is your favorite pastime?
31. What are you listening to right now?
32. What was the last thing you ate?
33. Do you wish upon a star?
34. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
35 How is the weather right now?
36. The first person you spoke to on the phone today?
37. Favorite drink?
38. Favorite restaurant?
39. Real hair color?
40. What was your favorite toy as a child?
41. Summer or winter?
42. Hugs or kisses?
43. Chocolate or Vanilla?
44. Coffee or tea?
45. Do you want your friends to email you back?
46. When was the last time you cried?
47. What is under your bed?
48. What did you do last night?
49. What are you afraid of ?
50. Salty or sweet?
51. How many keys on your key ring?
52. How many years at your current job?
53. Favorite day of the week?
54. How many towns have you lived in?
55. Do you make friends easily?
56. How many people will you send this to?
57. How many will respond?

Too Tired To Write Today, But I Will Leave You With This............

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel".


Maya Angelou

Boot It!!

I was reading the newspaper this morning and came across an article about these boot camps that women are taking. Apparently, they are popping up all around the country and women of all ages are flocking to them to get fit and “look the best they can”. One camp had 1200 people on a waiting list. The writer described the new fitness craze as military style exercise with a tone of guilt if you couldn’t keep up with the pack. Yelling was integrated as a motivational strategy, and slowing down or giving up was not an option. “No, thank you”, I thought. I wondered if I was the weird one when I read that one camp had 1200 people on a waiting list for this voluntary torture. I have absolutely no desire to sign up for any one screaming at me to perform lunges, squats, push ups or strides continuously for 60 minutes. As for the guilt, I have spent an endless amount of time ridding myself of this useless emotion for most of my life; why on earth would I want to voluntarily invite it back in, and pay for it as well.

Interestingly enough, I have also surrendered to the fact that no matter how “good” or “bad” I look, it really doesn’t matter. How I feel is much more important, and I really don’t think that beating my body up is going to make me feel any better than I feel right now. I know this for a fact. Years ago (25 years to be exact) I was a fitness instructor, mainly an aerobics instructor. If you were alive in the 80’s, you will remember how hard we worked during that hour of “dancing” our way to the perfect “10”. The music gave us the illusion that we were having fun because we were moving and grooving to some great songs. We looked coordinated, got our heart rates up, and were able to go home and eat whatever we wanted. I often taught 2 classes a day (a beginners and an advanced), and would go for a 30 minute run afterward. Talk about imbalance!!  We would go from one extreme to another; work out for 3 hours and then eat enough to compensate for lack of energy and calories.  And yes, I did hurt most of the time.

In the 90’s we moved away from this “no pain, no gain” concept and focused more on low fat, no carbs diet fads to balance out our decrease of exercise exertion. This was a little easier on our bodies, physically, but we were lacking in nutrition and, once again the balance pendulum swung in the other direction. The new millennium promised some equilibrium as we started to welcome the concept of eating well and exercising in moderation; balance.

Don’t get me wrong, I am a huge advocate of exercise. If I don't move, I am in big trouble.  I rarely miss a scheduled workout, which is simply a function of my dysfunction (another blog post entirely), however, my workouts consist of power walks, hikes, and bike rides. To compensate for not punishing my body through a gruelling exercise regime, and in order to maintain a healthy weight, I simply eat well (previous post).
Alas, balance!!

Boot Camps; ugh, have we come full circle again? “No, thank you”!

Pyjamas

Driving through the east end of Detroit last weekend to get to my son’s university was a humbling experience. There was a 5 mile section where the aftermath of the recession had left a very obvious impression. Other than gas stations, all businesses were boarded up and razor fencing traced the property lines. Houses were left abandoned as their owners were unable to make their mortgage payments due to the loss of jobs. Some homes and apartments were still occupied with windows broken and lawns and gardens unkempt and ignored. The vision was that of devastation, but when I closed my eyes I could feel the aura that was even more difficult to absorb. People walked the streets, but there was a feeling of aimlessness and no purpose. My family drove through in silence for a while feeling misplaced and fearful; misplaced because of our obvious abundance and fearful because this was an unknown existence for us. The epiphany that this type of downfall is a possibility for any one of us was overwhelming.


We started discussing the situation a little, and my son was more receptive to the it than I thought he would be. He had already experienced his plate of humility during his freshman year. The shock factor was no longer there, and he was much more accepting of the obvious poverty and the demise of those affected by it. By the time we drove through the area, we passed by the golf course where he practices and large, beautiful homes popped out from nowhere. Strange; it was like driving from one world into another.........

Yesterday, I encountered this same phenomenon when I dropped off some used clothing to a friend of mine who was collecting items for those in need. Driving into a section of town where poverty abounds and the less fortunate reside, I was once again struck with my dose of humble pie. I drove up to the front of the building and looked around at those watching me park my light blue Subaru. Walking up to the entrance to meet my friend I encountered young teenage girls pushing strollers, groups of boys boasting how wasted they got on the weekend, and another group huddled together smoking cigarettes. I soon realized that babies, alcohol and cigarettes were probably the least of their worries. The “feel” of the area signalled to me that these individuals were just trying to get by. They were focused on food, shelter and clothing and not a lot more. I thought about my daughter and how fortunate she was to not have to worry about where her next meal came from or what she was going to wear tomorrow. I thought about how thankful my son should be for his university education and experience. I thought about how grateful I was to not have to worry about how I would pay for my family’s groceries. I thought about how I will never take for granted our education, our home, our clothes, our furniture and our jobs.

I received a message from my friend later in the day indicating that one of the recipients of the clothing was so happy because she had received a pair of pyjamas. A pair of pyjamas!!!!! Can you imagine being that grateful for a pair of pyjamas? I put my pyjamas on every night and I never think, “Wow, I love these pyjamas!” It is astounding to me that there are people living just 20 minutes from me that don’t have a pair of pyjamas, a winter coat, or, in some cases, a place to sleep at night.

And so, tonight I will make supper for my family, complete with dessert and coffee, and I will think about the girl who is wearing my pyjamas. I know that she will survive her current situation and create a new destiny for herself. I know this because the gratitude that she expressed when she received the pyjamas will be transferred on to all that she creates and receives in her life. Her gratitude will move her to where she needs to be.

Eating Clean

I don’t recall any fast food restaurants when I was a child; they began popping up when I was in high school. If there were any, we could not afford to go to them. As a child, I did not exercise and I never thought about my weight; I was always thin and extremely active. As a young teenager I remember my mother talking about diets. She would have been around 45 years old when she began her dieting cycle. It was the trend back then, as it is today, to deprive yourself of calories, certain food groups or types, and to exercise yourself to exhaustion. I was fortunate not too get pulled into the dieting craze as I became addicted to exercise instead; perhaps the lesser of 2 evils :).

When I moved into my 45th year, I experienced many physical changes. I was entering into peri-menopause and was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis. Because of the memory of my mother’s dieting roller coaster, I was determined not to follow that path.  I needed to keep my weight down to slow down the deterioration of my joints, and I wanted to maintain a healthy heart to combat any affects of the medication I was taking. I always thought that I ate healthily, but I soon realized that the “low fat” craze was a great marketing strategy to sell pre-packaged foods. We were all eating foods low in fat, but high in sugar and salt, and we were actually gaining weight instead of losing it. Determined to fight and manage this autoimmune disease, I spent hours a day researching ways to become as healthy as possible. One of the strategies I found was to “eat clean”. I stumbled across a magazine advertising the “eat clean” diet and educated myself on its benefits. Although, I am not an advocate of any thing called a “diet”, this is truly the best thing that ever happened to me as it is a lifestyle choice that is congruent with the rest of my life choices. I don’t think about my weight anymore. I eat when I am hungry, which is about every 2 hours, and simply eat foods from the earth and from animals. I have learned to cook with flavourful herbs and spices instead of sauces and spreads.  I no longer crave foods because I don't eat things that trigger those cravings.  I only buy what is in season and as little pre-packaged food as possible. The food I buy is preservative free and 100% natural. “Natural” meaning not processed; meaning coming directly from the earth or the animal and with nothing added to it. Most of what I buy has a shelf life of 5 days or less. It does take some planning, but the benefits are numerous. I feel healthier, have more energy, and I am able to practice a less strenuous, gentler exercise regime that I am able to maintain without being tired. It is all part of the balanced lifestyle that I so advocate. 

Because I am somewhat OCD this has become a very positive way for me to channel my control compulsions.  This may seem somewhat unhealthy, however, I have feel like I have discovered an extemely healthy way to eat and enjoy my food.  Every now and again I stray because I do so enjoy a glass of wine and a nice dinner with my family and friends.  And for that I am willing to throw all clean food out the window!!!!

Letting Go

About balance; if you think it, it will happen. If you really want it, think it and believe in it, you will make it happen. You will stop talking about it, and you will unconsciously and consciously start making changes to create it. You will stop talking about all the things that create imbalance in your life, and you will start creating all the things that will bring you balance. But, you have to REALLY want it.

You will know that you really want it when you are willing to let go of the things that you think are important, but are not. They might be tangible items, but more than likely they are perceptions of what you believe others think are important. Take a moment to think about that...............

Have you ever sat in the living room in the dark and watched a storm? Waiting for the next sheet of lightening is like waiting for your next breath of air. It is an amazing feeling. The electricity is out; you can’t watch T.V., use the computer, cook, clean or do laundry. The only thing to do is to watch for the lightening, listen for the thunder and feel the wind whirl around the house. It is great because you are forced to let everything go. You are in the moment, doing nothing productive and it feels good.

There are 2 reasons it feels good ~ 1. Because there is no guilt associated with just sitting there. No guilt because it is justified; it’s not your fault the power is out, right?  OR  2. You have finally figured out that you don’t need a reason to enjoy something that is not on your “to do” list, that is so non-task related, that is so inefficient or so non-productive.  You realize that it has no impact on anyone but you, and you don't care because its just fun experiencing it.

Now, think about doing something like that every day, just because you have given yourself the choice to do it, rather than waiting for the power to go out. Go on, I dare you to do it!!!!

Balance

Well, an 8 hour drive to Detroit on Friday, a birthday dinner that night, shopping all day Saturday followed by another great dinner, early to bed and an 8 hour drive back today. My body hurts, and I am on the couch!!!! This is one of those weekends that cannot be balanced. Our family had the pleasure of enjoying the last weekend of summer together while bringing my son back to school. There is no way to avoid the imbalance that goes along with long travel and getting things done within a limited amount of time. This is one of those life experiences that you don’t want to miss. You suffer the consequences in order to enjoy time spent with your family.

Normally, my day progresses through a well thought out schedule that I have developed and have finely tuned over the last 5 years. It continually shifts to meet the needs of my body, but if followed, it allows me to move through each day relatively pain free. Any person living with an autoimmune disease and/or chronic pain eventually realizes that “balance” is the key component to living as healthily and pain free as possible. This word, “balance”, is used a lot these days, and many people believe that they are living in a balanced state. However, now that I am forced to do so (a true gift), I look around and I see much imbalance. I recognize it because I lived their life for most of my life.

I was born into a family who lived to work hard and earn their keep. Looking back, I recall my unbalanced state beginning at the age of 14 when I wanted a pair of Calvin Klein jeans from the moment I saw Brooke Shields flaunting them in a Seventeen magazine. They were $90 and my mother chuckled when I bravely asked her for a pair. She told me that I could have the jeans when I earned my own money and could pay for them myself. And so, I did just that; I got a job at the local library working 3 days a week after school. I earned $4.50 an hour straightening the books, and bought the jeans after working for 2 months. I looked good in those jeans, and this began my journey of imbalance; working for “stuff” instead of fulfillment. My parents had to work for material things as well, but they were items of necessity; a house, car, clothing, and food. My stuff was that of abundance and indulgence.

Recognize the pattern? We have evolved into a society of “stuff” and activities. In order to maintain these possessions and luxuries, we must work so hard that we fall into bed at night wondering how we accomplished everything on the list. We have convinced ourselves that we are practicing a balanced life because we are “doing it all”. This is not balance; this is actually managing imbalance. No time to read a book, go for a walk, enjoy a hobby or eat dinner together. “Quality” time has become a luxury. We have been coerced in believing that a small amount of “quality” time is better than “quantity” when it could be a balance of both. We are all in such a rush that a family meal at the dining room table may only happen once a month as hockey, basketball, and piano lessons take precedence over conversation. Breakfast is a one by one quick trip to the granite top counter as we rush out the door. We are so convinced that, in order to be worthy, our children need the highest marks, be the star of the football team, or be mentioned in the local paper. Somewhere along this road of accomplishments we missed the greatest goal of all; the enjoyment of life itself.

I was drawn into this world of competition for most of my and my children’s lives. We wanted it all, and we felt that we had to compete to get ahead. After all, everyone else was doing it. We lost a lot of ourselves through this whirlwind of want. My husband and I have both been inflicted with autoimmune diseases. There is a genetic component in both Rheumatoid Arthritis and Diabetes however self destruction is really the culprit of our demise. We thought that we had everything under control because we justified that we spent time travelling with our kids, exercised regularly, ate relatively well, and felt fairly healthy. The truth is that we only slept 6 hours a night in order to accomplish everything we had signed up for. We really didn’t take the time to assess how well we were actually feeling. If we had, we would have admitted that we were exhausted and not well at all. We had no balance. No time to recuperate. No time to relax. No time to enjoy the passions of life. No time to experience our creative selves. No time................

Even when I was given my diagnosis 5 years ago, I would not give in. I was determined to move forward and fight this crippling disease. I knew that I needed to make some changes, and I thought I had. My day became a fine balance of work, play, relaxation, exercise & physiotherapy, food, medication, family and sleep. I quickly learned that I needed to establish a friendly relationship with my disease; I had to learn to live in harmony with it. I was good, or so I thought. My balance would shatter when I competed with my body and would not deviate from my schedule or plan. If I was having a bad day, I would soldier on and ignore the signs. I was fighting my friend, R.A. and she was winning. Since then my disease is progressing and medications have had to be altered and added on several times. Physically, I am not as strong, and I have bone and muscle problems. I can no longer do the physical work of my career. Balance for me has taken on a new meaning once again. I am adjusting and am finally at peace with my new existence and have, once again, made friends with my disease. I had a nice weekend with my family, but today, on this Labour Day, 2010, I am laying on the couch watching movies with my daughter.

Unexpected

Yesterday, I was on the run. Fitting in appointments and errands into the pre-school hustle is always a bit of a challenge. In between all of this, I managed to check the mail and pull out the “box 2, compartment a” postal key. This is a treat as it is always an unexpected pleasant surprise. I turned the key, opened the door, and, there it was; the box. Pulling it out, I glanced at the return address. It was from her. Inside the house, I was like a little kid opening a Christmas present. A card with the words “you are so deserving” and a necklace with inscriptions of “live life, love life” and “follow your heart”; inspiring messages from an inspiring woman. In the box was a lovely musical jewellery box to hold my new gems. The beauty is not really in the gifts but, in the thought and time taken to send them from far away. The timing of these gifts is impeccable as only she will know; they arrived on the first day of my birthday month.

I had a great night’s rest last night and as I stepped out of the shower this morning I heard the door bell ringing. Subsequent knocking prompted me to throw on my jammies and greet the persistence of this early morning caller. And there she was with gifts in tow, her contagious smile beaming from ear to ear. She immediately threw a pastel purple Hawaiian lay around my neck and announced that this was my last “lay” as a 40 year old!! The handmade card was special all on its own as it had all the touches that only she was able to create; the outside held a well thought out added piece with the engraving, “peace comes from within”. On the inside was a smaller card within the card that included an individualized message to me. A small purple gift bag was home to matching purple tissue paper holding another of her creations; a gold necklace holding black and bronze charms, hand-picked to match my daily neutral attire. Unique creations designed with me in mind. Most appreciated was the time spent to fit this into her busy life. Well timed as I will be leaving tomorrow and will be away for my birthday.

Always expect the unexpected from these women as they work on telepathic powers; spiritual airways that have powerful intuitive forces. These are the traits of long and fast friends. Unselfish and kind and forever “just there”.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHlcW_lKPl4
Carol King ~ "You've Got A Friend"