Not So Gentle Reminders

Just when you think you have it all together and then big awakenings appear out of nowhere; the kind that spin your head around and bring you back to reality really fast. It all started 4 months ago when I started feeling incredibly healthy. I woke up every morning without any stiffness in my fingers or toes, and I had energy like I haven’t had in years. I felt like a normal healthy human being without any health problems. It was like I was 30 years old again, and ready to do the world by noon.

I tried not to think about it and just enjoy this welcoming feeling of good health, but thoughts of wondering if I was in remission kept seeping through; was it really possible? Rather than set myself up for the chance that I was just having a good couple of weeks, I decided to go with it and do whatever felt good and talk to my rheumatologist during my 6 month check up this December. It is amazing how the mind and great medication can play tricks on you when things are going well. I joined a morning fitness group and started running a little bit. I pulled out my ski machine and incorporated it into my cardio workouts. Every day, I woke up a little earlier and stayed up a little later. I was mindful about certain physical limitations but, I found out soon enough that I was not mindful enough.

After 3 months of gradually increasing my running mileage and adding more time on the ski machine, along with, less sleep and more work, I hit the proverbial wall of injury. An acute Achilles tendon pull has left me icing and stretching my ankle and a calf muscle knot that refuses to release. I am still able to use my recumbent bike and work on my strength training with limited exercises at home for the time being but, I am finding it difficult succumbing to the slowing down of activity. To add icing to the cake, I managed to burn my arm on a lamp whose shade broke and fell off while I was trying to rush getting ready for a holiday event 4 days ago. The result is a third degree burn which is on the verge of infection due to my immune suppression. And so goes the incessant regression to patterns of long ago!

My rheumatologist visit came and went with a stern message that running would never be on my agenda again, and that, “yes, you are in a medicated remission, but take heed that the medication is the key ingredient of this feeling of wellness.” I was advised that I should go back to a balanced style of living and to be grateful that I am able to manage my disease as well as I do. It is a not so gentle reminder that when things are going well, we may just want to sit in the joy of it, rather than seek something better or more than what we are given. There are always two paths to take when empowerment comes our way; one is to use it to seek more gain which often takes us to a place of need and greed, and the other is to be thankful for an unexpected gift and to savour what it has to offer.