What Are We Thinking Anyway?

(Make sure that you have had your coffee for this post as it will require some focus :)

Perception is one of those things that creeps up and takes hold of you before you have the chance to take a breath and think about what is happening. If you are not mindful of what is occurring, your interpretation can either create much greatness or inflict much pain. This occurs equally to the person providing the perception as to you, the person receiving it, and then creates your perception based on what you thought was given. "Oy", how complicated is that?  Let me make it a little easier; finding out what the truth is, rather than sitting in what you think it might be, will give you the choice you need to live in the peace of reality, whether pleasant or not.  It kind of makes me wonder, "What are we all thinking anyway?"

Perceptions come from a variety of people and places, but mostly they are derived from the behaviours of others and then created with what we 'think' they mean within our swirling, ever so, critical minds.  They can come from the obvious ‘crazy makers’. They are the ones who behave in a way that is clear and direct and usually negative.  There is no ambiguity; it is there, right in front of you, and you are positive what their message is, and it isn't pretty; they cause you grief.  Although, you carry compassion for those who inflict pain, you love yourself too much to allow them in your life at the expense of your happiness.......right?? (just making sure you've been listening :) This needs to be a no-brainer, a deal-breaker for you as you have decided to not compromise your own happiness for others if it can be avoided.

The dilemma presents itself when you have people who are ‘crazy makers’ in your life in a less direct way. They are the dangerous ones as they play havoc on your psyche. They are ambiguous and practice passive aggressive means  to get their message across. Their verbal and non-verbal language is scattered and inconsistent, and often not in line with each another. You become confused with pleasantries and polite acts mixed in with insults and rude attacks. Which is real? Which is authentic? Do they like me or not? You begin to question yourself as your inner critic tells you that you must have done or said something to instigate such abuse. Maybe you have, maybe you haven't. 

Often these ‘crazy makers’ have developed a perception about you that isn't accurate. For some reason, they have come to the conclusion that you represent something you are not. Perhaps they chose to listen to a friend’s damaging gossip about you. Perhaps they are jealous of who you really are, and need to perceive you in another way in order to compensate for this (there is sadness in that). Maybe they just didn’t take the time and effort to verify exactly who you are when they were unsure about something you said or did. It really doesn’t matter why they developed their misplaced perception of you; it exists, and what matters is how you perceive their perception, and then either react or walk away.

There it is again, the almighty "choice".  It's yours for the taking.  This is where you can use some logic in your determination of whether or not you have played a part in the perception that is coming at you with such force that you can barely think. Take a big breath. Take the time to think; no one said you had to say or do anything right now.  Am I a bad person? Did I do something wrong? Did I say something that could have been perceived in another way; maybe I wasn’t clear? Using reason will help you figure out how to proceed. Remember that just because someone is acting a certain way or saying certain things about you, doesn’t mean they are true; only you know if they are or not. This is your first step toward blocking your inner critic and having clarity when assessing the attacker and the part that you may or may not have played in the development of the perception. Having an open mind about what you might have done to feed such perceptions is the second step as you allow yourself to be vulnerable and open to a slight regression.......maybe the ‘crazy maker’ in you (we all own a little bit of that) came out to play for a while, and the perception is valid.

This brings you to the third and final step requiring honesty and truth. a) You may determine that the perception is all theirs. If this person is someone you want to keep within your community of support, you will need to put your ego aside, have a conversation with them, and gently clarify what is real.  However, if this person does not fit into your lovingkindness circle, take the high road, move past their perceptions, do not respond, create boundaries, and place your energies with those who know who you are and reciprocate your love. b) You may determine that you played a bit of a part in the perception they have of you (I know, it's difficult to admit). If this is the case, you know what you need to do; same deal, be honest with those who love and support you, and let them know that you had a little u-turn.  Your vulnerablility will make you stronger, and your honesty will create relationships with longevity.  When it comes to those who don't care about you, simply forgive yourself and move on.

When perceptions jump up in front of you, take the time to think about what they are, where they came from and what role you may or may not have had in their creation. From there comes clarity, reason and reality, as well as, a much more loving approach to what we decide to do next.  xoxoxo