This is my time of “letting go”. I have discovered an immense sense of freedom as I release all things that do not serve me well. They aren’t necessarily “bad” things; they just don’t sit in line with what I am looking for in this life of mine. While the feeling of liberation allows me to be drawn toward all that I am, I am equally provided with an empowerment that takes me to new heights of autonomy. That is what “letting go” does for you.
It is hard to describe because it is not an actual physical act of picking something up, and then letting it go. It is so much more as it involves a full turn around in your brain. The “spin” is a new way of thinking, or as I heard the other day, “a new normal” way of thinking. Suddenly a shift occurs in your head, and you don’t allow yourself to spend any time on certain thoughts or things.
It all began when I found myself tortured by the phrase, “What would happen if.....” I realized that I said that often and every day, and each time it lead to worry and the stress of where that went. Once I was aware of how often this thought crept into my mind, I knew that I was well within the world of “holding on “. This world is one of blame and shame. It’s the one that leads to the up and down of accusations and guilty turmoil.
I was absorbed in this existence for most of my life, saved only by the glimmer of my real self that surfaced more often than not. It would tease me by peaking around the corner and smiling kindly, as if to say, “Come on over to my side to play”. And I would for a time. It felt comfortable and right, yet I was always lured back over to the dark side.
Patterns from my past, people in my life and learned reactions all played a part in the game of who would win me over; the angel or the devil. Back then, the devil could persuade me quite easily because she was the norm, the spot where I felt most comfortable. The angel was intriguing, exciting and more congruent with who I really was, but she spoke a language I was not familiar with....I was too scared to go there...
Fear is powerful. With fear comes the question, “What would happen if......” The angel fought hard. I started to wonder what would happen if I moved in the direction of where my soul was urging me to go. Where would it take me? How bad could it be, or, better yet, how good could it get? So, I started letting go of that question and focused on pushing the devil off of my shoulder. I let go of wondering where I would be in 10 years; it didn’t really matter as long as I was experiencing all the goodness of today. I let go of worrying about my son so many miles away; he is doing what he has dreamed of all his life; what’s to worry about? I let go of my thinking about my daughter moving into the depths of the world on her own in a year’s time, and instead, thought about the great adventures she has yet to experience. I let go of worrying about any ill health that I manage, and started focusing on how grateful I am that I am able to do the things that I want to do and plan for even more.
This was just the start of “letting go.” Once I allowed myself the space to throw the devil’s burden away, it became contagious and unavoidable; a natural way to be. With this comes some sadness as I release myself of relationships and ties that serve me only with “what if” memories of the past. I let them and all the fear that clings to them go, and move forward into a place of ease and grace. Freedom.
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