The Selfishness of September

At 10 a.m. this morning I sat down in front of my computer with a cup of tea and a piece of chocolate. I looked at the screen, and then looked out of the large window into my back yard. The window was framed with the vines that had grown over the summer. I noticed how a couple of strands fell down the middle of the window creating an uneven design. A smile crossed over my face as the silence in the house moved into the peace that I had been craving for the last couple of weeks. Many people have been commenting on how the summer is coming to end, and how sad they are that their kids are returning to school. I, on the other hand, was anticipating the calm that September brings after the busy-ness of summer.

There was a welcoming of summer when my son returned from school in May. His absence for 8 months was felt by us all. But, he is 21 and has come of age as far as independence is concerned. When I think of myself at that age, I have memories of someone not interested in the rules that parents enforce. Although, I know that these boundaries need to be communicated in order for me to maintain my household, they are frustrating for someone who has had the taste of a parent-less environment. For 4 month we worked patiently at living together while, simultaneously, giving and taking what we needed to live harmoniously, as well as, independent of one another. Balance and love intertwined.

My daughter began her last year of high school today. She asked to have her picture taken before she left the house, as if going off for her first day of Kindergarten. “It’s the last "first day" of high school I will ever have”, she told me. Unwilling to admit that she is sentimental; her request sent a clear message to me. She says that she is tired of high school now, and is ready to move on to the life that my son has settled into. They differ in personalities, wants and needs. She will not likely come home once she has gone to pursue her future....but then, one never knows I am told.......

The summer was filled with much activity, travel and fun. Crazy schedules that were exciting in the beginning and refreshing in the middle, but the novelty wore off near the end. I can admit that it was time for me to resume some normalcy by about mid August.  By the time Labour Day rolled around, my son needed to head back to Detroit and my daughter needed to get back to school and leave the house daily at 8 a.m. and return at 3 p.m. Since my husband still works, this would provide me with a window of time whereby I could schedule the things that I needed and wanted to do; work and play.

I have developed a bit of selfishness as I grow older. I like my time alone, and I like to do what I want with it. I feel like I have earned it. It seems to fill the void that presented itself since my son left 2 years ago, and that will become larger when my daughter leaves next summer. And so, I sat this morning with my warm drink and sugary treat, savouring the view of my garden and thinking of what I would do next. I knew that it didn’t really matter what I chose, but rather, that it would involve no one but me. Ummm, I love September..........