Sublime

As I sit at my little desk and glance out the window at the snow on the trees, I am filled with a sense of wonder that I haven’t been able to see the beauty in its arrival for many years. The want and the need to run away from it has been so prevalent that my pattern was to look at it with disgust and count the days until spring arrived. This has all changed as I shift into a completely different mindset that includes maintaining Kingston, Ontario as my home base and, perhaps spending some time down south during the colder season. For now, the plan is to nestle in to a smaller home here and focus on all of my creative endeavours.

Combining my leadership work with writing and art is the direction that I am drawn to. Lately, I have met and am inspired by so many exciting and authentic individuals who have been brave enough to jump into the world of mixing work and creative expression. They seem to do it with much ease and I feel that I am most comfortable in this space as well.  When I heard about Kaye-Lee Patony's (artist & psychotherapist) workshop, "Sublime; reclaining our innocent adolescent girl" I dove in head first.  We spent the day engaged in insightful exercises which included working from our heads and our hearts. 

This collage is an expression of “who” I am right now in this moment. I have created many vision boards that represent the direction I would like to take in the future, but never have I been asked to create a board that represents my present being, right now, as I am today. It was tough, mind provoking and it required hours of my time. I was unable to finish the collage at the workshop 2 weeks ago. I needed to take it home and walk by it several times a day before I could even sit in front of it again.

I took the task of communicating my current self through the use of images quite seriously. It was daunting and haunting me. I became annoyed a few times as I passed by and looked at what I had already glued down....stuck and unable to pull off of the board and replace with something more “positive”. I wasn’t sure what the significance of the woman running away from the little devils represented or why I thought that this resembled anything in particular about me.



Then yesterday I realized that the picture was extraordinarily accurate and extremely positive as I am determined to leave my inner critic behind me. The fact that this woman seems to be running with incredible speed to create as much distance between her and these gremlins is a true reflection of where I am right now, this very moment.

This exercise has been yet another tool provided to me in my pursuit of mindfulness. I see that just because I was focusing on the now, doesn’t mean that it can’t be part of my future. Staying awake to the signs, the gifts, opportunities and possibilities that present themselves is what it is all about. Grabbing on to them when they appear and absorbing what they are telling me will move me in the right direction, from today to tomorrow. Sometimes, there is no need to think about what is going to happen if I can live within what is happening when it occurs. Running away from the devils of the past has become an easier task as I am able to feel them when they approach and then respond. They are a part of my past, my present and they will always be with me but, I will keep them at a distance from now on.