The Plight of the Teenager

This morning I went to a high school in town and to visit and talk with some amazing teenagers. They were bright, outgoing, intuitive, attentive and respectful. I love it when a group of young women are open to the possibility of learning something from someone much older than them. Speaking only from my own experiences and the consequences I have suffered, as well as, the gifts I have received, my credibility could be questioned.

I always indicate to them that I am not a doctor of any kind, and I do not provide any factual information. At first they look at me and their eyes tell me that they are not sure I have anything valuable to say. Most of them have only listened to speakers who provide them with facts. That’s it; just listen and take notes.  They were talked “to” and not “with”. I tell them to put away their pens and paper, and listen and think about what I am saying.  I also indicate that I welcome conversation and their feedback of agreement or disagreement. However, I do not advocate the “right” or “wrong” approach or arguing. I offer my opinion and it is their choice to do what they would like with it; agree, disagree, provide their valued opinion and act upon it all positively or negatively.

One would think that teenagers are living the best and carefree days of their lives; no responsibilities, no expectations, not a worry in the world. Wrong. These 11 and 12 grade students are stressed out. They are dealing with an abundance of homework, career choices, the hope and pressure of being accepted into universities, part time jobs, relationship turmoil, hormonal changes, and realistic and unrealistic expectations from every significant person in their lives.

I asked them if they have a little bit of fun every day. Two of the girls answered “yes” with conviction. The other 14 just stared at me blankly. It was as if they had no memory of this aspect of their life; like it had been eliminated and forgotten a long time ago. I asked them if they did anything that didn’t require an expected outcome; that no one cared about except them; something that they didn't really have to think about. They were reflecting, but none of them had an answer. The aura in the room shifted as a wave of sadness could be felt moving from one girl to the next until it reached me at the front of the room. The realization that everything in their lives required such focus and goal setting hit them like a ton of bricks.  I told them not to worry; I’m 50 and just figured it out about 5 years ago when a disease knocked me flat off of my career driven, material life podium! They were in luck as they had time to recoup any fun they had forgotten to indulge in. The fact that you "get it" is all that matters.

Last week I realized that my daughter was spending way too much time working and doing school work and not having fun, being spontaneous or creative. I pulled out an old table from the back room and dusted off an art bin that had been stored for years. When she and my son were small children, we used to have “art” dates all the time. It was the norm for us to spend hours at a time stamping, painting, gluing and, generally, creating. Winter is a perfect time of the year for this activity, and it is a great venue for relaxation and conversation. Along with its “good feel” benefit, it also nurtures the heart and soul.  My daughter was drawn to the table like a dog to a piece of steak in his dish.  At first she didn't know where to start.  She just looked around at all the material in front of her.  Then she started, and the creative surge took flight.

We don’t have hours to sit and do our art, but we have 15 minute sessions that are just enough to cleanse our minds of the day’s tasks and requirements. It is like a quick meditation and calming of the body, mind and soul before moving back into a world of lists and goals. It also brings back a bit of fun in a time that has forgotten that fun and creativity is a basic instinctual need and want that has been put to the wayside. 

So, go and have some fun today!!  Feel free to do it on your own or ask some one to tag along.  You will find it addictive and your stress will be forgotten............at least for a little while.