The New "Normal"

Tonight, after dinner my son asked me three times what we might have for food. Three times I explained to him that there was a fully stocked fridge, and he was welcome to go choose anything he liked. I said it nicely, but he knew I wasn’t kidding. He is well aware of the fact that after dinner I remove my chef’s hat and retire to doing whatever it is that I happen to want to do. I do not make breakfast or lunch for anyone, but me, and I absolve myself from the creation of all snacks but my own.

This is one of my new “normals”. I started this trend about a year ago when I found myself cooking and cleaning the kitchen up, what seemed like, all day long. There were so many things that I “wanted” to do, but they were always pushed aside due to household chores and tedious time fillers. For years, I had spoken about writing and how I “just didn’t have the time”. Then one day, as I was making sandwiches for lunches, I looked up and noticed that everyone else in my family was doing fun, non-chore related activities. They were all engaged in things that they had chosen to do; relaxing things that relieved their stress and brought them pleasure. I was running around trying to figure out how to fit 30 things into a day that could really only fit 25, and none of them were things I “wanted” to do, but rather things that “needed” to be done for everyone in my family. I realized that this was probably the norm for most mothers all around the world.

It was then that I decided to create a new “normal”. It wasn’t necessarily because I recognized the unfairness of the inequity of work load amongst my family members (although there was that); it was more the realization that I too deserve the choice to do things that bring me joy. As I sliced through the third turkey and mustard sandwich, it occurred to me that I should be reading a book or writing a column while someone else prepares their own lunch.

And thus, one of the new “normals” in my life is that I only prepare dinner in my house; before and after that, you are on your own. Since then, I have created many more new “sub-normals”, which have ultimately, given me a whole new “normal” life. The key to the success of this new existence is the absence of guilt. Developing and communicating a life filled with a balance of “should do’s” and “want to do’s” is actually quite easy. The choice to implement this new "normal", guilt-free, is the key to its success and your happiness.

With the New Year fast approaching and all of those generic resolutions floating around, take the time to look at your life and find the joy. If it is minimal or lacking, create a new “normal” for yourself. Realize that this will most likely have a great impact on anyone living in your house. Communicating your needs and your new discovery will be paramount for the success of your new “normal”. Remember to push the guilt aside; it is a useless emotion that is yours to carry with you or not.  If you choose to take it along, it will eventually suck the life right out of you.