Remember as a teenager how your whole world evolved around “fitting in”? My memories are of working really hard to be the same as everyone else rather than different. The idea of picking out my daily outfit because I liked it never entered my mind. I only wanted to look like all the rest of the girls amongst my social circle. I gave them license to be the fashion police, and followed along by buying whatever they deemed to be the style of the week.
My hair was a problem because I didn’t have the kind of hair that I could grow long and style the way the divas did and I so longingly wanted to resemble. It was fine and limp and couldn't hold the Farrah Fawcette flip back style that I wanted to blow in the wind as I walked to the bus after school. It had a “beige” tone that simply blended in to the rest of what I considered to be bland and boring. I was relieved when Barbra Streisand started dating her hair dresser, Jon Peters. She introduced us less “Barbie” like featured gals with a hair style that I knew I could pull off because I was often told that I resembled the awkwardly attractive super star. Now, I would consider this a compliment, but back then I was insulted by the comparison. However, I welcomed the permed “do”, and added some “streaks”, as we called them then, at my hairstylist’s suggestion.
Copying the “popular” girls’ attire and a new hair style moved me up the ranks of high school’s social ladder, and I experienced the phenomenon of acceptance. Surprisingly, this achievement did not provide me with lightning bolt happiness, but I was unable to understand the concept of why. Alas, 35 years later, the same trend exists and is going strong. Instead of Calvin Klein jeans, Madonna like leggings and sinched shirts, the teens today are following their peers by purchasing Coach bags, Juicy charms, and Lulu Lemon pants. Uggs are spotted on every corner, and Blackberrys are no longer only for the affluent business man as BBMing is the high schooler’s main mode of communication. It’s still all about fitting in as they walk around like Stepford children with their flat ironed hair freshly highlighted and smoothed down with must have Aragon oil.
In 20 or 30 years they will understand that being the same was much more work than being different. And, taking it one step further, that being your self is much more fulfilling and fun than trying to be someone else. Eventually, they will find out that friends accept you for all of your differences, as well as, for what you may have in common. Wouldn’t it be great if our sons and daughters figured this out a little earlier in life? Is it possible to change this trend? Are they capable of understanding this concept? More importantly, are they willing?
Irony jumps out at me as I move easily into my 5th decade of life. Where I used to look in my closet and pick out a pair of jeans and shirt that would create as close an image to Brooke Shields as possible, I now choose the outfit that reflects my personality and mood that minute or day. Where I used to take into consideration whether or not my boyfriend and later, my husband would agree with the hair style I chose or the shoes I buy, I now simply pick the style that I like and the colors that give me that "feel good" I crave. Comfort is a key consideration, and labels are no longer in the cards unless I actually like the clothes they are stitched to. Incredibly, all my friends still love me and my husband hasn’t left me yet. The only criticism I get now and then is from my teen aged children, but I don't change because of their feedback, and they actually compliment me more than I ever thought they would.
xo
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