Have you ever finished a conversation and felt like there were thoughts left unsaid? You wanted to say more, but the words just never came out of your mouth. Something kept stopping you from saying what you really wanted to communicate. You ended up just making small talk for an hour, and left feeling like you had so much more to talk about. You walk away and wonder if the other person felt the same.
Then there are those times when you say things that you wish you hadn’t. You go on and on about things that you don’t even care about. Sometimes you make comments just because you know that it’s what the other person wants to hear. It’s meaningless conversation, and it seems fake and shallow. When you part, you wonder if the other person caught on that none of what you said carried any substance at all.
What makes us say too much or say too little? How do we naturally monitor the sharing of our thoughts? I know that when I am with certain people, I feel comfortable talking about anything at all. I have a few girl friends I can trust with my deepest, darkest secrets; they're in a vault, never to be released. My husband is the person I share my feelings and insecurities with; without criticism or judgement. Then there are the people I meet throughout my day. I may know their first name, or not know their name at all. I know very little about them, and yet there is a bond between us that feels comfortable and reassuring. I look forward to seeing them, and I’m disappointed when I don’t.
Familiarity seems to be comforting and reassuring. Knowing what to expect creates the “good feel” that we all crave. It’s like walking through the door after coming home from a long vacation. You had a great time while away, but that first step back feels like putting on your pyjamas after a long day at work.
Maybe there is no need to place a meter on how much we say, think or share. Perhaps we need different people in our lives to meet our various social needs and human nature dictates which conversational path we take. To over think how much or how little you say probably ruins the flow of our words and thoughts. So, next time you bump into a friend, say what comes naturally and allow your inner voice to speak for you.
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