Authenticity and Joy

As I sat in the women’s networking meeting the other day and thought about how I would describe by business, it occurred to me that I hadn’t prepared anything. In the past, I would have thought about this for days. I would have written something down and walked around with it everywhere I went. I would have edited it hourly and then, finally, typed it out and altered again it until I felt I had reached what I felt was the “perfect” script.

I now had a twinge of nerves as I realized that I had nothing rehearsed and it was almost my turn. I took a deep breath in and then slowed my breathing down. I thought, “All I need is one line to start me off”. But, what would that be? Watching each woman stand up and talk about their new business with, what seemed like, great ease was intimidating. How were they feeling so confident while I felt like I was going to throw up?

Then it hit me. They all felt like I did, but somehow they managed to hide their fear and rise above the panic. They were faking it. Well, I knew how to do that! I had been faking it all my life. Being someone I am not is what I had done best for 40 years. I knew exactly how I was going to begin the introduction to my newfound business. It was my turn and I stood up.

“Have you ever felt like you were faking it?” I looked around the room and asked them the same question I present to many women I meet. They looked up at me and some of them giggled, with thoughts of the sexual connotation swirling around their heads. The more serious glances and nodding of heads up and down indicated an understanding of my question. The stillness of the room was impactful and the gigglers sat quiet now. I continued to present without hesitation. My passion took over, and I exceeded my 5 minute presentation limit.

It was then that I realized that just being myself is all I ever have to be. Trying to be anything more or less resides outside of the boundaries of authenticity. The simplicity of this is so clear now that I wonder how we don’t see when it starts to slip away. Maybe we make our lives so complicated that the simple things fall through the cracks and eventually become obsolete. It’s a gradual, dangerous shift that we allow as we fear the existence of being unique. The beauty of being different somehow becomes the ugly, and our sense of selves gets shoved aside.

Taking the time to sit quietly and alone doing something that we enjoy creates a calm that stimulates a thought process like no other. It allows your thoughts to wander without any focus. You begin to think as a small child, with no direction and no purpose. Your thoughts move from one place to another and you begin to smile or cry without realizing it. You begin to “feel” like you haven’t felt for a long time. You are in a place of authenticity and joy; you are where you are meant to be.