The Hypocrisy of Integrity

The word "integrity" stems from the Latin adjective integer (whole, complete).[2] In this context, integrity is the inner sense of "wholeness" deriving from qualities such as honesty and consistency of character. As such, one may judge that others "have integrity" to the extent that they act according to the values, beliefs and principles they claim to hold.

Many people believe that they live with great integrity. One of the exercises that I lead with in the Authentic Leadership series of workshops is the writing of your values. Incredibly, many struggle with coming up with a minimum of 5 personal beliefs. With a bit of prompting and some examples of my values, their minds are triggered and the pens start to flow. We then establish what each person’s perception of integrity is. The general consensus is “when I make a decision or choice, I will follow through with what I said I would do”. We then dig a little deeper to find out how one comes up with the decision to agree to do something, and the result is usually that they commit based on the act being congruent with what they, personally, believe in or, their value system. That is integrity and, simplified, it is the basis of authenticity; living and breathing what you believe.

Women are a loving breed. Almost all of us own values such as loving, compassionate, giving, loyal, and unselfish or some derivative of each. When we think of each other, we recognize how much we love our family and friends, empathize with those who are in pain, provide care and nurture our children, support those in need and continuously give gifts to those we love. Our general mandate is to be virtuous and to be perceived as such.

After a while, however, there appears a glitch as we provide all of these amazingly wonderful and caring things to everyone around us but, forget to provide the same to ourselves. We become that little kid on the side of the teeter totter that stays on the ground while the other kid screeches with joy as she sees the world from way up high. We start to feel resentful and taken advantage of. “How did I get here?” “I thought I was doing everything the way I was supposed to.” “This isn’t working for me anymore.” A fear curdles up inside, and begins to slowly burn. Eventually, we burn out.

Resentment takes over as our bodies begin to crumble, but even worse, we slowly lose the very essence of ourselves. It is a slow and gradual movement, until one day we sit and realize that we used our integrity for everyone else in our lives, but us. We chose to be supportive and loving to our families, loyal to our boss, and giving to strangers, but we ignored our own needs for the sake of everyone else. How cruel is that?!?! It is hypocrisy in its truest form.

So, as you sit today and contemplate how you are feeling, take the time to decipher why you are feeling this way; what is the message? The answer will come to you and provide you with the clarity to take action. Trust the feeling, rather than the perception; the feeling is real.