Working through the “inner critic” is one of the most challenging parts of the entire authenticity process. It is the part that keeps whacking me on the back of my head with its persistent pressure for me to be someone else. It is like that person who is adamant on being right and just won’t admit that, just maybe, we can each have an opinion and no one needs to have the last word.
In reality, the inner critic is not one person, but a stadium full of people from my past and present. She consists of all the people I grew up with and who surround me and fill up my life right now; all the teachers who taught me, all the priests who delivered a sermon to me, all the bosses who employed me, all the boyfriends who dated me, my siblings who lived with me and my parents who raised me, and my husband and children who live with me. The inner critic is society itself as it surrounds and sometimes feels like it is suffocating me.
Realizing that I will probably never be able to be rid of my inner critic, I am satisfied that I have found a way to manage it to the extent that it no longer controls me. I am able to recognize its chatter and turn my head to it. I am able to hear her words and know that they are not mine. They represent the voice of all the people who had a different expectation of me than mine.
There is now an understanding that I am not interested in what she thinks I should do. She stops by, but only stays for a while. She leaves when she doesn’t receive the attention she needs to survive. Attention is her reason for coming back. Without her daily dose, she has no interest in staying. Ignoring her is how I manage her. My tolerance for her is limited, as is her presence.
I call these 'gremlins'...and like you, I have learned how to manage them more and more. A freeing process, but one that never quite ends. Although these days, they visit less, stay longer and rarely have the last word :)
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