"If you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all"

There is a little girl who lives without any praise from her father. Not only does she not receive any words of encouragement but, she cannot remember a time that her father told her he loved her. She doesn’t recollect him telling her that she did a good job, or that he was proud of her. She doesn’t specifically think about these things, but she does feel a void in her life. Her mother pretends that everything is alright. She lives in a world of make belief as she ignores the emotional absence of her husband in both her and her children’s lives. All of her energy goes toward justifying his actions and his lack of attention; a lot of work and a lot of time.

The scenario of this little girl is a reality for many people. Whether the roles are reversed or the details somewhat different, most of us come from a degree of dysfunctional living. Rather than simply face up to the fact that it exists, we tend to deny and hide it. This is another example of striving for the “perfect” family, the “perfect” existence; God forbid if we admit that we have imperfections and may want to take a look at them. Instead children believe that the dysfunctional life they are brought up in is normal. It’s all they know so, why would they think any differently. Neither one of their parents told them otherwise so they grow up continuing the pattern of what is familiar to them.

The problem is that at some point (usually when she has children of her own) this little girl realizes that something isn’t right. She grows up and she has a different life in mind for her children. Does she fight the pattern, or go along like her mother did? Does she go with her intuition and fight the familiar. She wants her children to hear that she is proud of them, that they are smart, that they are funny, that they are kind, that they make good choices, that their hair looks good, that they look amazing when they get ready in the morning and that they are loved.  Hopefully, her love for her child allows her to do just that. Just as it is easier to smile than to frown, it is easier to be kind than to be harmful. It is the mother who the little girl must depend on to make the decision that comes from her heart. This is transformed into protection and love. This is the mother’s job.