The Colour Red and All Things "Energy"

Since putting my self in full work and creative mode and focusing on staying emotionally and physically healthy, I am surrounding myself with everything that provides me with energy.   Red is the colour of the base or root chakra,  This chakra is located at the base of the spine and allows us to be grounded and connet to the universal energies.   

"Beautiful Darkness"

These photos were taken as a result of an online photography course that I enrolled in with Tracy Olan.  Each day I, along with a group of photo and creative obsessed individuals, receive an email from Tracy describing a photo challenge.  Each challenge in some way encompasses the theme of "Harvest Time".  This particular challenge inspired us to think about the beauty of the darkness of the "light" season of summer coming to an end, and shifting our thoughts of sadness for the change into a celebration of the beginning of a new season

This is the 18th hole at Cataraqui Golf Course in Kingston, Ontario just as the sun was coming down at 6:15. The photo reminds me of the sadness that my boys feel this time of the year as they scramble to get a round of golf in before the sun goes down,   Avid golfers find this a bit of a "dark" time of the year as they know that they will be packing away their clubs soon.   This is somehow all balanced out with the joy they experience as they move more easily in the cool, fresh temperatures of autumn.

This was a last minute, "gotta get one more" shot.  Once I start taking pictures, I find it difficult to stop!!

I found the brightness of the sky with the sun peeking through created a real contrast with the darkness of the trees ~ pretty but, kind of eerie at the same time.  The definition of the rays streaking through the darkness brought brightness to the closing of the day.  xo

This guy, (yes, he's a guy as you can see!), does not look too happy that the sun is going down earlier as we move into fall.  I don't know whose dog this is, but I was late going to teach class that night and he was sitting by the path going up to the college. I was like a lunatic, searching for my camera in my bag (which I now carry with me because of this course) and I was begging him to "sit" and "stay" ~ He listened to me but, he didn't seem too amused ~ his expression reminds me of my husband when he is tired ~ lolz!!

Destiny Girl, Will You Come Out To Play?

Destiny Girl, come out, come out, wherever you are!!!!!

I found and purchased this beauty at http://www.zendollworkshop.com/  

She's called "Destiny Girl", and she is this month's inspiration for the

 "Talk of Life" in the Kingston Whig Standard Newspaper

http://www.thewhig.com/ArticleDisplay.aspx?e=3319703 

There's something about Destiny Girl ............ 

when she decides to visit, everything just seems a little better....... 

If your Inner Child is hiding, 

ask her to come out to play today!!!!

Moving Towards My Best

I often ask people "who are you at your best?" and "who are you at your worst?"  They don't need to share the answers to these question with me; they just need to reflect on the thoughts that arise as a result of them.  I often wonder about a time when I was at my best most of the time.  It would have been a time when I was most comfortable with myself; when I was confident, lived my life simply and with ease, and laughed freely and spontaneously. 

It was yesterday when I remembered that time of my life.  It all came to me as I was laying in Shavasana at the end of my Yin yoga session with yoga instructor, Gillian Sadinsky.   I listened to her soothing voice and thought about how grateful I was that she had come back into my life after 30 years.  Yes, Gillian is one of the people from my "happy" days.  She quietly crept back into my circle after years of being outside of it.  It came to me as a bit of a shock; the fact that so much time had lapsed since I started living at my best again. However, I shifted that thought quickly as I became thankful that I was back.

Incredibly, as I now live my life more and more at my best, I am re-introduced to the people who were part of my past "best" time.  How they know to re-present themselves when I need the comfort that they offer is a mystery to me.  Synchronicity is all I can come up with; being open to all that is possible, and then allowing what you need to envelop you, is how it works.   Consciously stepping quietly away from those who don't align with who we are creates the space that we need to welcome or re-welcome those who do.

And so, people from my past, Gillian and so many more, are slowly and steadily re-entering my safe little happy place.  I welcome them and thank them for coming back home.

Gillian also teaches Yoga Thrive ~ yoga for cancer survivors http://www.livingstudios.ca/

Wars and Lols

I drove to the local Starbucks this morning after finishing a successful yoga session. I sat savouring a latte while sinking wilfully into the ease I had manifested earlier. As I allowed my mind to wander, my gaze moved from one end of the store and around the room until I paused at a display directly in front of me. I read the sign, “up to 80% off”. “Ummmm, that’s a good deal” I thought. I’m always up for a bargain, so I looked down at the table and scanned the covers on the books on display. Oh my, I couldn’t help but truly Lol!! I read each title one by one and quickly assessed the reason the books were so highly discounted.

“Hitler vs. Stalin”, “Deceiving Hitler”, “Battles of the Bible”, and “Deathride” were just some of the titles. Although, I am not personally drawn to such topics, I do recognize an interest of some in the history of past wars. If I were to pick up one of these books, I would be motivated to read it should the story evolve around the psyche of the leaders of such hate and destruction. And this is what moved me to stay in my seat and contemplate the reason the table was full and no one was stopping at the “80% off” sign.



There is a calling in the world today, for people to bring authenticity, strength of character, self-awareness and ethics, and emotional intelligence to their way of being. They are called, Authentic Leaders as they move through each day with one goal in mind; living their lives in line with their values and beliefs. Perhaps this display is an example of the sub-conscience and conscience way that being guided by intuition and compassion is becoming more prevalent. It is contagious and yet some are slightly fearful as it is a new way of thinking, “the new normal” as some call it.

The fact that all of these books rest on an “80% off” table, and, I was told later by a clerk, have been there for over a month with no movement, indicates that people are not drawn to control, violence, and destruction, but are rather, seeking love, empathy and a life filled with simplicity and ease. There really is a “dark side” and a “light side”, and each one of us has the ability and the freedom to choose which side we are more comfortable being on.

I post these photos on my blog with trepidation as it feels like blasphemy. However, they serve a purpose to make a point. I tried to think of a term to describe this type of humour or revelation, and could only think of the cartoonist Gary Larson’s “Far Side” as an example of this type of sense of humour. It is like its real, but how could that be in a world filled with such beauty and wonder? And yet, war and hatred did take place and does happen today, much to our dismay.

As I work more and more in the schools and reach out to young girls, I feel of sense of yearning for this new way of thinking and feeling. They can’t describe it, but they know they want it. They know it is where they want to be or go. They know this because it is really not that new to them; it is very natural and deep within them, and waiting to be released. They have only been influenced by the inauthentic for a short period of time. There is still a glimmer of authentic light flickering in them. Hang on to that light girls!!! It is o.k. to have fun. It is o.k. to act the way you feel. It is o.k. to “be” the way your first thought told you to be when you woke up this morning.

I wonder how long the books will remain on the “80% off” display before they are packed away in a box in the back room. I also wonder what will replace them on that discount table, or if the sign with be thrown in the box with the discarded books.

My latte is done, and I walk past the books with a smile on my face. Lols!!

The Fight of the Devil and the Angel

This is my time of “letting go”. I have discovered an immense sense of freedom as I release all things that do not serve me well. They aren’t necessarily “bad” things; they just don’t sit in line with what I am looking for in this life of mine. While the feeling of liberation allows me to be drawn toward all that I am, I am equally provided with an empowerment that takes me to new heights of autonomy. That is what “letting go” does for you.

It is hard to describe because it is not an actual physical act of picking something up, and then letting it go. It is so much more as it involves a full turn around in your brain. The “spin” is a new way of thinking, or as I heard the other day, “a new normal” way of thinking. Suddenly a shift occurs in your head, and you don’t allow yourself to spend any time on certain thoughts or things.

It all began when I found myself tortured by the phrase, “What would happen if.....” I realized that I said that often and every day, and each time it lead to worry and the stress of where that went. Once I was aware of how often this thought crept into my mind, I knew that I was well within the world of “holding on “. This world is one of blame and shame. It’s the one that leads to the up and down of accusations and guilty turmoil.

I was absorbed in this existence for most of my life, saved only by the glimmer of my real self that surfaced more often than not. It would tease me by peaking around the corner and smiling kindly, as if to say, “Come on over to my side to play”. And I would for a time. It felt comfortable and right, yet I was always lured back over to the dark side.

Patterns from my past, people in my life and learned reactions all played a part in the game of who would win me over; the angel or the devil. Back then, the devil could persuade me quite easily because she was the norm, the spot where I felt most comfortable. The angel was intriguing, exciting and more congruent with who I really was, but she spoke a language I was not familiar with....I was too scared to go there...

Fear is powerful. With fear comes the question, “What would happen if......” The angel fought hard. I started to wonder what would happen if I moved in the direction of where my soul was urging me to go. Where would it take me? How bad could it be, or, better yet, how good could it get? So, I started letting go of that question and focused on pushing the devil off of my shoulder. I let go of wondering where I would be in 10 years; it didn’t really matter as long as I was experiencing all the goodness of today. I let go of worrying about my son so many miles away; he is doing what he has dreamed of all his life; what’s to worry about? I let go of my thinking about my daughter moving into the depths of the world on her own in a year’s time, and instead, thought about the great adventures she has yet to experience. I let go of worrying about any ill health that I manage, and started focusing on how grateful I am that I am able to do the things that I want to do and plan for even more.

This was just the start of “letting go.” Once I allowed myself the space to throw the devil’s burden away, it became contagious and unavoidable; a natural way to be. With this comes some sadness as I release myself of relationships and ties that serve me only with “what if” memories of the past. I let them and all the fear that clings to them go, and move forward into a place of ease and grace. Freedom.

Conversation Debut

This week our “Conversations” have been about “leading life from my authentic self”. Because Monday night was the debut of the dinner series, I parked my car a few blocks away so that I would have time to re-establish an even, slower breath and sense of calm. My perception of what others believe the leader or facilitator of such an event should carry herself was one of complete self-confidence.

I had one block to go, and I had little time to get it together. I suddenly realized that having the awareness of my trepidation was all I needed. If I felt it and was awake to it, I would be much more able to manage my reaction to it. This is one of the skills of an authentic leader.  I took in a deep breath, thought about how nervous the 8 women participating were going to be, and realized that we all had a common thread. Knowing that they were feeling the angst of the worry of being “judged” allowed me to recognize that I needed to step up and assure them that this would not happen. I knew that I had the ability to create a trusting and safe environment, and I needed to do that from the moment I walked in the door.

We ordered a drink, and moved through brief introductions. I explained the process and then began the conversation. Within minutes someone else jumped in with their view of what we were discussing, then another, and another; beautiful!! The food came, and I continued to introduce new points; the women who were now forming friendships, continued to express their thoughts. Nerves were gone for everyone including me, and the evening was a success.

If you reflect on what I have described, it may tweak a vision of a gathering of women at a friend’s house or a downtown restaurant. That is exactly what it resembled. We talked about some deep “stuff” and allowed ourselves to be vulnerable at times, knowing that no one would criticize what we felt. This is the “code” of Deserving Women; no judgement, only support and compassion.

The evening went quickly, and before I knew it we were paying our bills, and hugs were being shared all around. Success is evaluated by the extent a goal has been achieved. My goal was to bring a group of women together, allow them their voice, and their feeling valued as a result. Mission was accomplished.

Lunch and Coffee "Conversations begin over the next two weeks...go to http://www.daretobedeserving.com/ for more into.....

Women of Courage

Next week marks the launch of Deserving Women Conversations. Such an exciting time for both me and the women who will be participating in this new experience. What I have discovered is that to register for any of these programs takes great courage given that there is the element of the unknown. “Do I have to divulge private information during the conversation?”; “Do I need to tell people how I feel?”; “What if the other women don’t agree with me?” All of these questions indicate the necessity of these conversations.

No, you do not have to share your most intimate experiences; yes, you do need to tell us how you feel, if you feel comfortable enough to do so, or listen to others share there’s; it doesn’t matter if others agree with you or not; that is the whole point of “Authenticity”. And this is the starting point of the discovery of living a life congruent with your values and beliefs. I read one of the most amazing blog posts this week on Tracy Olan’s blog at http://beautifuldayto.blogspot.com/  She is a friend and fellow blogger/photographer (check out her e-"Harvest" photography course"), and I am so proud of her for being an “Authentic Warrior” as she makes the shift to listening to her intuition and following her inner guide at the cost of, possibly, losing a friendship of many years. This is bravery at its best and the most frightening.

Sacrificing lifelong relationships for the sake of being true to ourselves is the most courageous thing that we can do for ourselves. It is a statement that some would say may be selfish, and yet others like me and Tracy believe that we are just as worthy as those we are leaving behind. The important message is that we are not abandoning these ties, but rather, taking a break from their incongruent values. We are hopeful that, in time, we will reunite should our shifts catch up with one another. However, if this never happens, we will both be of the understanding that we are different people with different beliefs and life styles, and all of that is good and fine with no judgement .

I leave you with the mantra that I live by, “Dare To Be Deserving” and urge you not feel guilty about it!!

Much love Women of Courage xoxo

The Selfishness of September

At 10 a.m. this morning I sat down in front of my computer with a cup of tea and a piece of chocolate. I looked at the screen, and then looked out of the large window into my back yard. The window was framed with the vines that had grown over the summer. I noticed how a couple of strands fell down the middle of the window creating an uneven design. A smile crossed over my face as the silence in the house moved into the peace that I had been craving for the last couple of weeks. Many people have been commenting on how the summer is coming to end, and how sad they are that their kids are returning to school. I, on the other hand, was anticipating the calm that September brings after the busy-ness of summer.

There was a welcoming of summer when my son returned from school in May. His absence for 8 months was felt by us all. But, he is 21 and has come of age as far as independence is concerned. When I think of myself at that age, I have memories of someone not interested in the rules that parents enforce. Although, I know that these boundaries need to be communicated in order for me to maintain my household, they are frustrating for someone who has had the taste of a parent-less environment. For 4 month we worked patiently at living together while, simultaneously, giving and taking what we needed to live harmoniously, as well as, independent of one another. Balance and love intertwined.

My daughter began her last year of high school today. She asked to have her picture taken before she left the house, as if going off for her first day of Kindergarten. “It’s the last "first day" of high school I will ever have”, she told me. Unwilling to admit that she is sentimental; her request sent a clear message to me. She says that she is tired of high school now, and is ready to move on to the life that my son has settled into. They differ in personalities, wants and needs. She will not likely come home once she has gone to pursue her future....but then, one never knows I am told.......

The summer was filled with much activity, travel and fun. Crazy schedules that were exciting in the beginning and refreshing in the middle, but the novelty wore off near the end. I can admit that it was time for me to resume some normalcy by about mid August.  By the time Labour Day rolled around, my son needed to head back to Detroit and my daughter needed to get back to school and leave the house daily at 8 a.m. and return at 3 p.m. Since my husband still works, this would provide me with a window of time whereby I could schedule the things that I needed and wanted to do; work and play.

I have developed a bit of selfishness as I grow older. I like my time alone, and I like to do what I want with it. I feel like I have earned it. It seems to fill the void that presented itself since my son left 2 years ago, and that will become larger when my daughter leaves next summer. And so, I sat this morning with my warm drink and sugary treat, savouring the view of my garden and thinking of what I would do next. I knew that it didn’t really matter what I chose, but rather, that it would involve no one but me. Ummm, I love September..........

When Change Creeps Up On You

Today feels like the beginning of transition. I am filled with energy as the temperature has shifted ever so slightly. This is my time of year. The change from summer to fall is comfortable and inviting for me as I embrace the crisp air, the bright colour palette in the trees and the increased focus on work for me and school for my children. I have a quicker step and clear focus on what I want and where I am heading.

Generally, transition is a tough thing to handle for me. I feel safe and secure in the sure and steady flow of the day to day, and then “boom” change occurs. I am at calm and feel peace in my expected, but eventually, get bored and crave for something more. This brings on a surge of creativity and ideas that I cannot push out of my head. I need to act on them; they are like little gremlins swirling around my head; their persistence is unavoidable. Sometimes, I think that I might be a little nutsy as the magnitude of the number of these inspirations become overwhelming.

The funny thing about a change is that it is much easier to cope with when we are prepared for it. There’s the catch; we are very seldom prepared for most changes in our life. They usually pop up out of nowhere. Sometimes, the change is positive, and sometimes, not so much so. This is when we need to stop and slow down so that we can digest what is happening. Even when we have instigated the change ourselves, we can get so entrenched in the “doing” part of the shift that we forget to embrace what is happening. This is when we become the “list makers”; that person who is doing just for the sake of doing. Our mindset becomes, “It is a good idea, so it must be done.” We end up doing everything that the creative gremlins are feeding us, rather than, thanking them for all of their ideas, and then choosing how many we can handle and the ones that we resonate best with. Then comes prioritizing and reiterating, “This is all going to happen eventually”. And with that revelation comes the discovery that we don’t need to do it all right now.

When I am in this space, I remind myself of the soothing mantra “live in the space between my breath”.  Recognizing one's unique personality and how it reacts to change is the key to managing a transition at ease. It is futile to listen to others as they tell you how you should handle these situations. Their strategies are most likely congruent with what works for them. Remember that if you are awake to what makes you tick, you will choose a course that takes you through transition with peace and calm.

"Jolene"

I tend to pick movies off t he shelf at Blockbuster that no one else has heard of. They are films that may not have made box office but, for some reason, really resonate with me. Sometimes, I am intrigued by the stars on the cover, but often it is the movie cover or the story line on the back that draws me in.

Tonight it was the cover; the image of a young girl walking down a highway with a suitcase; on a journey with no sure destination, but the need for inner peace, as well as, love. I thought about what she was looking for and realized that is the dream we all hold and wish for.



The story turns out to be much more than I imagined as it puts a young artist in search of love and independence in unforgettable and regrettable circumstances. Always lured in by money and the idea of “love”, she continuously sacrifices her “self” for the security of love thinking it will fulfill her dream. When she finds herself within the "idea" of love, she is continually betrayed by death or deception; when she invests in the safety of true love, it is repeatedly taken away.

Compassion is all that I had for this woman, and it reminded me to be grateful for all that is presented to me as each step of her life was laid out before me. Her resilience and desire to keep moving forward toward her faith in self love is inspiring and yet heart wrenching as I watched her win and then lose over and over again.

The star reminds us that we must listen to our intuition even when the safety of money and promises tempt us to make decisions that go against our better judgement. Emotional intelligence is seldom wrong.

A quote from the movie stays with me "Life is about moments, and when you find one, you don't let go"

Go and rent this move, simply entitled, "Jolene". It will change you.

Jolene ~ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-j3Gwg2hYo

Messages Sent as Little Reminders

Since coming home from holidays, I have been working non-stop from morning to night. I’ve had my head stuck in my computer, and I am so driven creatively that I am having trouble keeping up with the speed of my thoughts. I don’t really think that I am aware of very much that is going on around me, and yet, I am still managing to get regular, daily chores completed. I have definitely been ignoring my family, but I am justifying my behaviour assuming they can take care of themselves as I am dealing with uncontrolled inspiration and September deadlines.

And then I had someone send me a little reminder, two actually…. My daughter leaned over my shoulder when she got up this morning and asked me “Why are you working all the time?” I explained to her that my programs were beginning in September and that I had a lot to prepare before then. She smiled and walked away.

Later in the day, she provided me with my second reminder. She walked into the family room, threw in a DVD of our favourite series, leaned over the couch and said, “Why don’t you come and take a little break, mom?” She had me, right there as she looked into my eyes, and waited for my answer. I closed my computer, made us coffee and watched The Gilmore Girls, all of season 4.

Sometimes we need to listen to the messages that are sent to us by a variety of sources. It is so important to listen to our own feelings, our intuition, and our physical aches and pains. However, there are times when we get so absorbed in our inspiration and motivation that we do not receive the messages that we are sending to ourselves. This is when we need to be awake to what others are feeling, thinking and sending our way. Someone else’s intuition can be just as in line with our own, and yet, relayed much clearer. It is always our choice to listen or not………

"Who" I Am vs. "What" I Do

A Gift for Your Child



http://www.thewhig.com/ArticleDisplay.aspx?e=3266119

Instinct and Protection

I used to think my dog was afraid of other dogs, but recently it occurred to me that he is simply choosy about who he associates with. He has made a very simple choice to interact with those who have like values as him. He knows who he is and what his purpose is in life, and his actions and who he associates with reflect that purpose. Jake learned long ago that the dog world consists of a hierarchy of personalities. There is always the leader of the pack and then there are those who remain submissive and do as they are told. Should they deviate from this plan, they are put in their place with verbal and sometimes physical consequences.

If smart, a submissive dog will never allow herself to become entrenched in the abusive state harm. S/he will back down at the first message communicated via a growl or stare. S/he will intuitively know where her place is in relation to her leader and the rest of the pack, and s/he will not question where s/he stands.

Due to progress and the dog’s adaptation into the people world, we have created a culture whereby we protect our pets. They are not allowed to wander the streets in packs or find their food on their own. We walk them on a leash and feed them their kibble in a fancy bowl. We allow them to befriend other dogs as they walk by or we defend them against other canine passersby who become aggressive. In a loving home, they come back to a sanctuary complete with a cozy bed and human companionship. They are bathed and brushed and pet until they fall asleep.

At the cottage that we visited a few weeks ago, we found ourselves in a bit of an awkward position. The neighbouring cottage owners had a dog called Woodley that wandered freely and took a liking to our dog, Jake. He was not aggressive and was, in fact, very friendly. He was only a year old, was extremely obedient and very, very cute....... until he decided to do the dastardly deed......I won’t describe the deed, it was simply “the deed”, and the way Jake stood there and looked at me, I knew that he was not impressed. Unfortunately, because Jake does not voice his opinion, I helped him out by shooing the puppy away....over, and over again.

My family laughed and told me to let “nature take its course” but, I could not allow my dog to be taken advantage of. Soon, I was the brunt of a joke as I repeatedly stood between my dog, the victim and the other dog, the abuser. This became a big game throughout the entire week and a source of frustration to me as I knew that Woodley was simply doing what dogs do. It occurred to me that in my pack I am the protector.

I am the she dog who will go to any lengths to ensure that my pups are safe and comfortable. I will protect them and teach them how to protect themselves. The problem with Jake is that he is now old and not so teachable anymore. He has become dependent on me and his instinct is to look to me for his comfort. I don’t know at what point in his life this shifted because I know that I did not cater to his anxiety initially. As with my children, I tried to raise a confident sociable puppy. However, somewhere along the line I succumbed to his inability to tolerate the company of other dogs. And I allowed him to just “be” where he was comfortable. Perhaps, this is the message to how we should be with our children. Maybe we just need to provide them with security while still allowing them to be who they are. No pressure to be like someone else or endure situations that they feel uncomfortable in. Maybe we can learn a little from our canine friends as they move through life guided by their instinct along with the protection of those who love them.

How Flowers Can Create Guilt

After spending some time purging the “back room” in the basement before leaving for holidays, I found a packet of seeds with the title “butterfly garden” in bright yellow letters. I don’t remember buying the seeds, and judging from the bin they were in, it must have been many years ago. I moved to throw them in the heaping garbage bag, but hesitated as I felt a surge of guilt flow through my veins. How could I be thinking of throwing out something that if cared for and nurtured, could turn into a living thing? I sighed because I really didn’t have time for this guilt nonsense, but I also couldn’t throw them out; old patterns creeping up my spine.

The envelope sat on my kitchen counter for a week and my husband finally asked me if I was going to do anything with them. I said I would get to it eventually but, I just hadn’t had time yet. “Why don’t you just throw it out?” he asked me. Not a second thought! Such disregard!! I quickly grabbed the package and went to the gardening shed where I found 4 old aluminum long abandoned pots and a bag of soil. I scanned the shed before closing the door, and noted that it needed a good clean up as well.....so much to do.....

What I did next is what a friend of mine once called “plant whacking”. It’s a procedure that takes all the beauty out of gardening, but is extraordinarily efficient. Another term could be “speed planting”. It’s when you shove some soil into the pot, throw the seeds in, shove some more soil over top and then pour some water on them as fast as you can. In 15 minutes you are done. There is no positive energy involved in this act. You could be cleaning the toilet instead and it would provide you with the same result; you simply needed to “get ur done.”

I think this is why the flowers grew as they did; tall, spindly, pitiful stems with one or two blooms at the very top. A serious analogy would equate their growth to that of a child who did not receive adequate love and attention. These flowers started their existence off with very little loving kindness. In fact, there was none at all. They were born from guilt; such a terrible beginning to the miracle of life.

As I look at them now, I chuckle a bit as I think that even the act of my writing about them is a consequence of guilt. I have walked by the window of my kitchen so many times and eyed their meagre existence, and I feel that I need to give them the attention that I deprived them of when they were little. And so, I took their picture and the time to post them on my blog. I whisper to them every day when I give them a drink, and I have apologised for having been so laissez-faire with them. I am hoping that they are the forgiving type for summer will soon be moving into fall and there is little time left for me to appreciate their unique existance.

Being Uncomfortable While Having All The Comforts of Home

I learned a lot about myself during a recent holiday which required me “roughing it”. You will chuckle to yourself when I tell you that “roughing it” for me included a cottage with beds, a kitchen, a bathroom, 2 refrigerators (one for food and one for drinks), a screened in porch, air conditioning and even satellite T.V. Laughing yet? Read on and you will  understand......

We arrived at the cottage on Gull Lake near Sharbot Lake after a 1.5 hour drive with 2 cars loaded up with our necessities. We brought clothes, food, water noodles, fishing rods, books, and a box of movies in case of a rainy day. The children would only be with us for the first week so I packed my computer for the second week just in case I was inspired to write, or to take advantage of working a bit with no interruptions. I even brought a box filled with art supplies as I envisioned myself sitting in the screened in porch leisurely making cards while looking out over the lake. I packed my yoga mat intending to re-start my practice amidst the serenity of nature, and I brought my running shoes for daily hiking excursions.

Having rented a cottage for six years when the kids were little, I knew what to expect. The first week was filled with fishing, swimming, walking, reading, canoeing, camp fires and evening card games. The family was together and we were busy filling every minute of the day. I took endless photos to save all the memories of this wonderful week together. I didn’t miss my home, my work, or anything that goes along with all that. While reading one of the three books I finished during that first week, I looked around the room to see all four of us immersed in our stories. All was well.

On Thursday of that week my son needed to leave for a golf tournament. My daughter’s boyfriend came to visit on the Friday and Saturday, and on Sunday my daughter went back home to work the following week. My husband and I were now alone for the second week. We had been looking forward to spending the next seven days by ourselves savouring the peace and quiet. No more driving back and forth into town. No more taking the kids out in the boat. No more large meal planning. We could do or not do whatever we wanted. And what seemed like a dream come true quickly became an unexpected disappointment.

We woke up the first morning, had breakfast together and then walked the dog. When we arrived back at the cottage, I could feel a sense of uneasiness in my husband. I tried to read him but I didn’t understand because he loved being at the cottage. Suddenly, I felt sad and I couldn't decide what to do. I had no desire to pull out my computer or my art work. I looked at the books on the table and thought I should start to read one but, I had no interest. I saw my camera hanging from the kitchen chair, and I let out a heavy sigh while leaving it right where it was. It was quiet but, there was unrest. I felt uncomfortable and I didn’t like it. I felt frustrated with how I felt.  Were we not capable of being alone together at a beautiful cottage enjoying ourselves? Apparently not!!

We went down to sit by the lake and after about an hour my husband surprised me by turning to me and asking if I would like to go home. Secretly, I was thrilled but, I didn’t want to show my enthusiasm too much. He had planned this holiday and I was worried that he was just offering to go home because he could feel that I didn’t want to be there anymore. I looked at him and asked if he wanted to go home. He said he did. He said that it wasn’t the same without the kids and we could do the same things and even more of what we wanted to do if we were at home. YES!!!!! I was thrilled. We decided to pack up the next morning and head for Kingston.

Many would find this crazy. Many would say we must not be happy together. Many would think that if you paid for a cottage, you should stay there and enjoy it. But, we were not enjoying it. We missed the hustle and bustle of the children. The dog wouldn’t settle in to his new environment and wasn’t eating. The mattresses were soft and neither one of us were sleeping well. We were physically and emotionally uncomfortable. Not our idea of a vacation. And so, we packed our things, cleaned up after ourselves and drove home. When we arrived at our house Jake went straight to his dog dish and ate a full bowl of food. After going to the back yard, he returned and went to his comfy chair and sank into a deep sleep. Hank assumed his position in his chair and got caught up on his newspaper reading, and I filled the rest of my day with all the things I like doing. I wrote on my computer and downloaded the cottage photos while sitting at my little desk in the corner of our office. I took a shower in our nice big tub. I went downstairs and practiced yoga. Then, I sat at my art table and made a card to thank the people who rented us the cottage for such a pleasant stay.

I did all the things that I was physically able to do at the cottage. The difference was that I was more comfortable here. It wasn’t about having all the comforts of home at the cottage; it was about being uncomfortable at the cottage because we weren’t at home. That is “roughing it” for my husband and me; being somewhere and feeling uncomfortable even though you have everything you think you need.

Having A Little Chat with God

Today I was reminded of the saying, “God won’t give you more than you can handle”. It startled me as I remember people saying that to me 6 years ago when I was initially diagnosed with Rheumatoid. The intention was to make me feel better and compliment me for being able to cope with difficulties. However, I remember perceiving the statement as me being punished for being a strong person ~ because I could endure a lot, I should receive more hardship. This didn’t seem right or fair to me, and it made me angry. I, like those who attempted to empathise with me with this saying, always thought that being strong and brave was a virtuous thing, and now God was telling me that because I was courageous he would give me more pain to deal with.

I don’t believe this is God’s plan. I envision God as a loving being who wants only the best for me. It is not any higher being’s choice to punish or see how far we can be pushed before we self-destruct. The entire universe was created in balance with the intention to continue the cycle of peace and calm. Unfortunately, we as a race decided to push ourselves to endless limits. These heights have created a human race that literally needs to “race” around to keep up with unimaginable standards and expectations.

So, when you hear the phrase, “God won’t give you more than you can handle”, remember that God gave us exactly the right amount to handle but, we chose to handle more, and more, and then even more than that. We are now on a treadmill that doesn’t want to stop and is difficult to jump off of. In the end, it really is a choice, albeit a difficult one, to slow down the race and enjoy the scenery. However, once you move a little slower and look around at what you have been missing, you may find it easier than you thought.

And so, I close by letting you know that I am taking a 2 week vacation from all things technological and work related. I am going to spend some time soaking up nature, and every morning I hope to sit on the dock by the lack and have a coffee and a little chat with God.

"Talk of Life"

"Daring To Go On The Dream Road Trip"

http://www.thewhig.com/ArticleDisplay.aspx?e=3227325

"Wake Up Little One"

My friend, “Suzie”, has moved through such an incredible evolution in such a short period of time that her head is literally spinning. Three months ago, she mustered up all the courage she had to face her destructive demons, and there is nothing holding her back now. For years she experienced many highs and lows on her way to figuring out what she wants in life. In the end, it all came down to simply getting to know herself and then being that very unique person without feeling guilty about it.

Getting to this point was not easy. She had to dig deep into her soul. This soul had been beaten and damaged so severely that she wasn’t sure what it resembled when it was healthy, if ever. She knew that it wasn’t dead because there was a little flicker of movement in there that kept tempting her to get to know and nurture it back to health. It was “do” or “die”. Suzie knew there was something more, and so she took a deep breath and became brave. She started asking herself important questions like “when I’m not taking care of everyone, who am I?”, “If I had nothing else to do, what would I choose to do?”, and “besides my family and job, what brings me joy?”

These questions seem easy when you hear them for the first time. However, when you actually sit at a table and need to start writing the answers, everything shifts; you suddenly feel numb by your inability to move the pen. You wonder how you managed to reach the ripe age of 40 or 50 without knowing “who”, not “what” you are or what you were put on the earth to do. And then there is the “joy” part. You know that you are generally happy, but “joyful”? Most people think of “joy” in the sense of “jumping for joy”. When was the last time you actually “jumped” for joy?

Twelve weeks ago, Suzie couldn’t answer these questions, and this scared her. It put her in such a state of shock that she dared to go where not many dare to go; to the depths of her soul. “Wake up little one”, she called to it, “It’s time to come out and play”. And so began this woman’s road trip to her destiny. It wasn’t long before she realized that her soul had been calling her for a long time. It had been teasing her through day dreams, tiny visions and other little clues along the way. Unfortunately, she didn’t listen because she was busy with other things. But, she was now awake and ready to follow her intuitive guide; the GPS of the soul.

It has been an interesting couple of months filled with triumphs and tears. There have been great gains and some surprising losses. The gains are easy to take and quite motivating, while the losses are disappointing and sometimes hurtful. Suzie has crossed the threshold of balancing all of the good and bad as she recognizes that the benefits of knowing who you are, doing what you want and experiencing joy far outweigh the losses of anything blocking their achievement. Suzie has decided to continue her road trip, push aside anything that blocks her and enjoy the scenery along the way.

Celebrating My Mother's Birthday at the Spa

80 Years Young