I was eavesdropping today. It felt wrong, but I was so intrigued by the conversation beside me that I couldn’t resist. Three men sitting in front of the fireplace at the coffee shop were enjoying some time away from their daily routine, and they were trying to solve a problem. They reminded me of a younger, Canadian version of the Italian men you traditionally see in the movies sitting at a table at an outdoor cafe.
They started off discussing hockey, work and the weather. When I was just deciding that listening to them was becoming boring, the conversation turned to more than who won the game, the obnoxious co-worker and the amazing temperature outside. One of them divulged the fact that his wife wanted him to buy them tickets to a concert of her choice for their wedding anniversary. He was clearly annoyed by the suggestion, and was pleased when his friends agreed with his displeasure.
His two buddies responded with sighs of disgust, and one verbally indicated how wrong it was that she would even think of asking for something that her husband would not enjoy. All three agreed with this conclusion, and you could feel the air lift as the “anniversary” guy had received the support of his friends. I smiled to myself, and was then suddenly jolted out of my own little world when “verbal” guy leaned toward me and said, “excuse me”. I looked up and realized he was speaking to me. “Ah, yes”, I said, trying to act like I had not been following their conversation. “What do you think is a good anniversary present?” Oh, God, he was asking me........ I was impressed with myself as I asked, “for you or for your wife?” alluding that I didn’t know what he was talking about. He told me that it was for his friend’s wife and he looked in his direction. I thought for a moment, and then responded, “well, I don’t know her, but my husband just gave me a necklace that he picked out for our anniversary.” I indicated that it was a complete surprise, and they looked at each other unsure of how to process the amount of energy and time emulating my husband's behaviour would entail.
They ignored my comments and told me the “concert” story that I already knew. They asked me if he should give her the tickets that she had asked for. It was a difficult question................ Should he forget about making himself happy and give her something she wanted? Should he come up with his own gift idea, and would she appreciate his initiative? Should he make a point of letting her know that he disapproved of what he thought was a selfish attitude, or just let it go? Did he really want to take the time to think of a gift for her himself?
I couldn’t answer the gift choice question decisively. However, it made me think how insignificant all of this really was. The husband seemed annoyed by the fact that he might have to spend four hours at a concert doing something for his wife that he wasn't interested in. The wife was obsessed with receiving the "perfect"gift, even if she knew he wouldn't enjoy it, rather than appreciating the fact that he was taking the time to get her one.
Neither one in this marriage really “got it”, and I knew that it would be useless to try to explain this concept to the men sitting next to me. I looked at the husband with the gift giving dilemma and, hopeful to initiate some inspiration, suggested that he give his wife something he thought would make her happy, and at the same time, something he felt he could live with. He looked at me and then turned to his friends; laughing, he said, “I think I’ll buy us some Sen’s tickets”.
I sat back quietly to finish my latte.
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