I just finished reading an interesting book entitled, “Women, Food and God” by Geneen Roth. The author’s philosophy of food and the obsession thereof is not just about an over or under eating compulsion, but that there is an emotional link to why we engage in these activities. This has long been researched and proven, but never have I understood this theory as clearly as while reading Ms. Roth’s book. She very simply communicates that in order to maintain healthy eating habits, we merely need to eat when we are hungry and choose to eat what it is we want, rather than bring past emotions into the experience. If we choose items simply for their food value and eat only the amount our bodies require, and for no other reason, we will not need to deal with dysfunctional eating. Easier said than done? She believes so, as long as you have figured out and dealt with the food demons of your past.
Let’s use me as an example. I have never experienced any physical health related issues associated with my eating habits, other than being 30 pounds overweight for a period of time after the birth of my second child. However, I am very conscious of what I eat, and I go to great lengths to find and eat “whole” foods free of added preservatives and artificial “anything”. I really don’t have any cravings any more, but I still fall into the pattern of being drawn to a late night snack even though I am not hungry.
The time of my snacking is always when everyone in the house is settled into their comfy evening positions. I usually find a room in the house by myself to watch a television show; I am partial to crime shows such as Criminal Minds and Law and Order. The food that I am drawn to at that time of day is usually of the “crackers and cheese” variety and a glass of wine. The difference between this particular variety of snack and any other I have during the day is only the fact that I bring the emotion of guilt with it. Not because the choice is necessarily unhealthy, but.................why?
So, while I was reading through the pages explaining the correlation between unnecessary eating and emotions, I began the journey back in time to examine whether or not it had any impact on my evening walks into the kitchen and, in particular, the guilt affiliated with that particular snack of choice. I needed to read all the way through to the very last chapter before I figured it out.
Food and my past; huge!!! When I was a child food was always presented to me with conditions. All meals were scheduled and on time. Everyone needed to be at the table and we needed to eat what and all that was presented to us on the plate. If you ate everything on your plate, you were entitled to dessert. If you did a good job eating Monday to Friday, you received a “treat” on Friday night while watching "Mannix" (thus the paralel to crime shows now) that consisted of your favourite salty snack (chips, cheezies or pretzels) and coke; all in equally measured bowls and glasses. If you did a good job grocery shopping on Saturday morning, you received 25 cents to spend on “treats”. Cakes, cookies and other baked goods were saved for special days like Sundays if you behaved in church, or on birthdays.
It has taken me a long time to pinpoint the correlation of having to “earn” my food and “good” behaviour. However, yesterday while reading the summary in “Women, Food and God”, I realized that my feelings of guilt and food at the age of 50 come from the childhood pattern of having to feel deserving of a bowl of pretzels. Eating a bowl of salty crackers and a glass of a nice Sauvignon Blanc while I decompress after a day of pleasing everyone around me, somehow doesn't measure up. Not feeling deserving comes, subconsciously, from a little voice that tells me that I haven’t “earned” the reward when I didn’t get dinner on the table by five, and it is not always the best example of a well balanced meal. I haven’t fulfilled my end of the bargain as I rarely finish everything on my plate, and often don’t even have an appetite. I break all the rules by never waiting until Friday night for my secret reward as I indulge almost every night. I certainly don’t deserve the trip to the bakery as I gave up on going to church long ago.
I am so thankful that I have figured out why I have spent so many evenings with that devalued sense of having done something wrong after enjoying a snack. I am grateful because now that I understand the feeling and where it comes from, I realize how absurdly unkind this whole paradigm is!! To actually spend energy worrying about eating a bowl of pita chips and some amazing Swiss is not logical and is certainly not self respectful behaviou. Bargaining for food is not happening in my house by or to anyone.
And so, my friends, eat well without worrying about why, keep moving and enjoy every moment of every bite and every step. If you love yourself, you will eat what and how much you need without thinking about it, and you will never feel bad about your choices. Remember to taste each swallow and enjoy all that you see in front of you.
No comments:
Post a Comment