Authentic Kindness

I’ve always felt like I was and am a kind person. Lately, though, I find that it has become incredibly effortless to be kind. I started reflecting on why that is. Why do I seen to see more acts of kindness now than ever before? Why do I feel much more ease at offering a kind word or gesture? And why is the feeling I have after offering up kindness, so incredibly rejuvenating?

The answer came to me when I experienced a friend stopping a conversation with me to help a stranger standing nearby. The stranger appeared to be frantically trying to contact someone by cell phone as he searched the coffee shop eager to find the person he was supposed to be meeting. He was pacing back and forth, and looked upset that no one was answering. My friend excused himself from our conversation and asked the stranger if he was looking for a business man who was meeting him where we were. The stranger looked surprised by my friend’s inquiry, but, hopefully, answered, “Yes.” My friend indicated to him that he had already been there, and had left thinking he was late and wasn’t showing up. The stranger thanked my friend for taking the time to let him know and quickly left the shop.

I looked at my friend and wondered what prompted him to take the time to help this person who would have figured everything out on his own eventually. Many would say that it wasn’t their business so, why bother. So, I asked him, “What made you do that?” He looked at me surprised and asked me, “I had the time to help him so, why not?”

And there you have it! Time provides you with the energy to focus on goodness. My friend is retired and has a lot of time. However, most of us are working and filling our days with more than is humanly possible to achieve. The stress that comes from imbalance leaves no room for compassion and love. They become something that we “should” do, but now require too much thought and work. In turn, calm and patience is replaced by anxiety and hurried politeness. It is fake kindness, and its aura is unimpressionable. Its mandate is simply to socially please someone in passing.

Pleasing someone, like your parents, your boss, your husband or a stranger is an entirely different thing than being genuinely kind to someone. There is motive behind pleasing someone. Whether it is recognition, money, or love, it is usually driven by the need to receive approval upon meeting someone else’s expectation. There is no premeditation or need to receive involved in authentic kindness; it just flows from your being. Slowing down my life has enabled me to be kinder naturally; moving at a fast pace forced me think about being kind as I had no time to allow it to occur on its own.

Sometimes I find myself smiling without realizing when it began. I listen to music, and feel the mood it creates. I listen to the words, and dance more. I sit in conversation longer, and look at my watch less often. I don’t work as much and I read more books. I make less money than I ever have, and buy fewer things. I eat slower and really taste the food. When I take a walk, I look around and really see what surrounds me. When I meet people, I am kinder and more considerate without even thinking about it. It naturally creates simultaneous, rejuvenation and calm. It feels good, and that is what kindness is all about.