Demons and Reality

There is that reaction that you have when someone says or does that certain something, and your interpretation of their actions sends you into complete combative defensive mode. I don’t need to give you an example because you know the situation that applies to you. It is different for everyone because everyone’s past is unique. It is a reflection of years gone by; a programmed response to the way you were treated as a child, a sister, a friend, a wife that has created the individual protective reaction you automatically display.

You wish you could control that reaction, but it is immediate and before you know it, it’s out there. You wish you understood why you do this every time. It is uncomfortable, and you know that it is not an effective way to deal with the situation. You have told yourself you won’t do it again, but you do. You blame it on the person instigating the confrontation because it’s the only way you can justify what has just happened. You don’t understand how you get there, or how to back out of it once started so, it has to be someone else’s fault. You can’t change your reaction because you don’t understand why you do it in the first place.

It’s because you are drawn to these situations. They are familiar and, although dysfunctional, they are comfortable because they are what you know. It is like being abused. The victim knows it’s not alright, and she doesn’t deserve it, yet she stays. She has every right to leave, but she doesn’t because it is her comfort zone. Giving someone else the power is what she has lived her whole life; it is her reality.

I talked to someone who sabotages herself every time she begins to move forward into a project that she is passionate about. She progresses toward success, and then she hears this crazy chatter in the back of her head that tells her that she is not worthy of accomplishing what she initially believed she could do. Everything is ceased and she abandons the project, blaming it on someone or something else.

This is real to her. She believes in the chatter and acts upon it. It is the product of years of her parents’ verbal and non verbal communication stamping her down in her tracks. She has never been able to stop or explain the feelings of unworthiness because they are normal to her. It’s a pattern, one that she couldn’t stop because it didn’t make any sense to stop it.

She now knows that she is worthy, and smart, and capable, and amazing. Years of therapy, a loving husband, a friend taking the time to understand and listen to her, and her desire to feel whole have given her new expectations, confidence and dreams. She now understands the demons lurking in her head are not real. She knows that the things they tell her are just thoughts and words, and nothing more. They may never go away, but she now recognizes they are not real. She has the ability to disempower them by not believing in them. She is now in control by either making them dance or letting them die. She has chosen to stamp them down in their tracks. This is the beauty of loving yourself.