Being Whole

“The secret to being whole is all about being you without worrying what anyone else thinks”. I heard this yesterday and I can’t stop thinking about it. There is an epidemic of women trying to please other’s in their lives while, unconsciously, yet willingly, losing their true self in the process. As the years go by, we realize that everything that we had deep down in the root of our heart and spirit has been pushed aside. Bit by bit we feel like we just have small fragments of what we used to have; we aren’t whole any more. How did that happen?

I remember as a teenager and through my 20’s, I was guided by what I believed in and what I really valued. I had opinions, expressed them openly and passionately defended them. My 30’s changed my life as I welcomed and cherished my two children. I simultaneously struggled with my desire to have a successful career with financial security as my motivation. My heart pulled me home, but my independence and need for empowerment pulled me in the other direction. I managed to do it all very well, but much to me own detriment. My 40’s proved to be incredibly disappointing as all of the time and energy I expended to obtain “success” in both my personal and professional life left me tired, beaten and broken.

As I move into my 50’s I finally realize that no amount of money or career achievement can provide me with the sense of self and fulfillment that knowing who I am, and truly being that person can provide. By following my heart, my intuition and being able to do what I want to do without feeling like I need to justify it, is incredibly freeing and empowering. If only I had discovered this or not forgotten this earlier, I would never have experienced the misunderstood feeling of guilt and rejection. No one inflicted these feelings on me, but me. I learned this from my mother, and she from hers. The innate need to take care of others and never yourself is dysfunctional and extraordinarily unhealthy. We all have the choice, but never really recognize that it is there, right in front of us, until way too late in life.

This is what we must teach and ask our daughters. What do you love to do? What really brings you joy? You must feel that joy in your life. Close your eyes, breathe deeply and think with your heart. Don’t think about money or things. If you are doing something you feel good about, all good things deserving will come to you. You do not need to listen to others to get the answer; you know the answer; it is simple; where does your passion lie? Feel it and it will come to you. And when it does, don’t question it, don’t justify it, just move with it and you will be whole.