Relief

Back when I was in, what I call, my “busy” mode, every minute of every day was detrimental to how much my pay check would be. “Time was money” as the phrase goes. My day timer needed to be filled, and in an efficient, multi tasking kind of way. Not one hour was wasted. I felt a surge of adrenaline while inputting an appointment, drawing the line at its ending point and finishing it off with even diagonal lines to fill in the blank area. Always in pencil, should someone need to change the date, and always including the customer’s contact info. When the page was filled, I felt a sense of accomplishment; the only thing better was being able to stroke the item off once complete.

How times have changed!! When I open my day timer now, I hope that there will be as little written in it as possible. One work related item is good for me, and if there is more, I am hoping that something will get cancelled. Today is a good example as I was feeling stressed about the amount of work on my plate and several presentations to do tomorrow. Keeping in mind that I am loving my new ventures and the work that I am doing, I did overstretch myself and got caught up in the overbooking mind set. I forgot that it is o.k. to say “I’m busy that week, but would love to present the following week”. Interesting how we sometimes seem to fall back on our crazy dysfunctional patterns even though we are conscious of how much imbalance they cause in our lives.

And then the universe seems to feel our discomfort, and the phone rings. The presentations for tomorrow are postponed. Relief moves through me like a wave of fresh air. I am feeling the same surge of adrenaline that I did years ago while trying to fill my schedule, except now I am swiftly erasing the page clean. Looking down at the blank white area, I am breathing evenly again and looking forward to a day of writing in my blog, running some errands and going to work for a couple of hours. Afterwards, I will exercise, make dinner and work for a few more hours. Some would read this and consider a day like this to be a luxury, but really do we not all deserve this state of balance and sense of calm.

As I begin a list of “things to do” today, I realize that it is getting too long, and I move half of the items to the next day. No point in over doing it; there’s always tomorrow, right?