The Blessed Jolt of Reality

I woke up this morning to this beautiful ray of sunshine coming through my front door window.  It gave me a smile on my face as I sat with my breakfast writing in my brightly lit kitchen.  I was filled with a sense of joy and a little more energy than I usually have at that time of the day as I got ready to go out for my morning coffee.  It was there that I confirmed that someone breached mine and my friend’s trust by lying about us in order to feed her own ego. Amidst the flow of coffee conversation with my friend, the story unintentionally unfolded, and we were both surprised at what had transpired unbeknownst to one another.



After a bit of reflection, I am at peace with knowing the truth. The truth has now provided me with the freedom of knowing which direction to take with that part of my life. The concept of listening to your intuition and reading the messages that your feelings provide you is what I encourage within the Authentic Leadership groups. Yet, I found myself stuck in a community of “non-support” that I didn’t have the courage to leave. Even though it is a very small part of my life, it wreaks of darkness and gives me just enough imbalance to throw my sense of joy off.   It is stronger than the light coming through my door, and it creates a fear that I didn't understand until now.  Without understanding it, I couldn’t leave it.

Today’s revelation of intentional hurt and betrayal brings much clarity to why I have that “icky” feeling when involved with this part of my life. I was waiting for the proof, rather than trusting my inner self to guide me in the right direction. The imbalance or balance of good and bad was all I needed to listen to. 

Sometimes we don’t need the proof of logic. Usually, the proof is in the clues that our feelings provide us. Anger, shame, hurt, sadness and anxiety are all indicators that something is not right in our world. Taking the time to find out what is triggering these feelings is the key to either solving a problem or walking away. At the same time, being awake to times of joy, laughter, peace and harmony provide us with the message that we are in a good place and the right spot for us. The next step is recognizing that you are deserving of all of the wonderful feelings, and that you have the choice to move away from the ones that don't feel so good.

I am blessed to have received one more jolt of reality in order to understand more clearly what route I am taking.  xo

Mother's Day 2011

Yesterday was a Mother’s Day that flowed with ease as it was balanced with things that I wanted to do, and those that I wanted to do for my mother and mother in law. It began with beautiful gesture by my daughter as she set her alarm for 8 a.m. and made me pancakes with fruit salad and maple syrup. The coffee was prepared by my husband, and the tray held the added touch of a carnation in a vase.



Once showered and dressed, I met the two mothers in my life and my father for a walk through a nearby wooded conservation area. We spent an hour strolling along, chatting, and I took a few pictures of things that caught my eye as we moved slowly around the windy paths. Afterwards we all went back to my house for lunch and dessert prepared by my husband while we were taking in the fresh air.



Late in the afternoon I got restless and invited my daughter for a quick shopping excursion downtown. On the way back home we picked up sushi takeout, and then joined the guys for dinner. My husband and I finished off the day with another walk and quiet conversation after dinner. I then lay in bed with my eyes open in the dark and a smile of gratitude on my face as I had just spent Mother’s Day exactly how I had planned; with my family doing the things that I love to do.
xoxo

 

The Vision of a Vision Board from Years Gone By

In a couple of weeks, the “Deserving Women” groups will be creating their vision boards. I will be working on mine as well, and so, I decided to pull one out the last one I made 8 years ago. I was taken aback at the many parallels of desires I had back then and now. The biggest difference is that I am now fulfilling those dreams one at a time, but with the ease of doing things as I am, and having no time expectation or measure of skill or ability.

I had forgotten that I pursued a life of personal coaching many years ago, but never found the right fit until now. There is gratitude in finding support in being authentic, and great fulfillment in inspiring others to do the same. Even back then, although not fully aware, I was motivated to learn so much more about myself in a very deep and soulful way. Searching for faith through prayer, yoga and meditation, I wondered what else there was to find. Many books were purchased, read, and studied in my pursuit to figure me out. Back then, I thought that career was the path to “knowing” who I was, but have now discovered that it is just a thing I “do”, as well as, being the person I am.

I have always sought the comfort of security and trust in friends, but now do this without any trepidation as I have reached a comfort of "being" that requires no self-defence. The want to “slow down and smell the roses” was always there, and now rests at the top of the list of daily things to do as I stop, enjoy and celebrate. There is the added accomplishment of naturally seeking refuge as I indulge in the peace of being alone while I write and create and, simultaneously, find and savour my spirituality.

Eating well and being healthy have been a way of life since I was in my early twenties. A big difference is the degree to which I am willing to maintain it. I am happy to eat well, however, not o.k. with giving up all the delicious goodies out there. A nice glass of wine with a salty snack is my treat of choice. There was a little LOL when I saw that I chose a woman with a six pack pushing out crunches to sit smack in the middle of my board!! I understand the value of a strong core, but I honestly can’t be bothered!!

Some goals like updating my kitchen and travelling with my family all came to fruition during the years leading to now. Some constants like enjoying the love and company of my family, walks with my canine companion, Jake and keeping my sister’s memory safe, will never subside. Bucket list items remain such as making a quilt, ballroom dancing, bringing the joy of hiking back into my life and writing my book. I will always be most comfortable amidst the camaraderie of women, and my quest for personal evolution will be never ending as there are no more boundaries for me anymore.  xo

The "Gathering of Gals"

As long time friends gathered last night, we found solace in each other’s company and conversation since mourning another friend’s loss of her son. There was a brief opening of hearts as we expressed our sadness for this mother and father and the tragedy that they were facing. There was not much to say. But the comfort of a group of friends, brought together by a spur of the moment gesture by our host’s invite, created an environment of safety and support.

I haven’t spent much time with these women for what seems like an eternity. They are friends met years ago when my children attended elementary school. Hours of volunteering together, months of “book club” (with no expectation to read the book), and many coffee dates evolved into friendships, steadfast and solid.

Hard times, great times and all those times in between brought us back together in a living room sharing compassion, joy, more wine and food. The laughter and intriguing conversation, and unforgotten bonds brought back memories of a happy time that I thought had wained.

Last night changed my thought to the paradigm that friendships are never ending; it is we who need to make the call, the invite, the gathering of friends over and over again so that we grow and evolve together for years to come.

Thank you to Angela who sent the invitation, made the tapas, and poured the wine thus, giving us the gift of the “gathering of the gals”. xoxo

Icing on the cake

How many times have we heard the phrase, “it’s the little things in life that matter?” When we have finally found pleasure in being alone, we have truly discovered happiness. This is why I urge my children to discover how they, themselves, can bring themselves joy before they seek that certain other someone depend on to bring them joy.

If you take the time to pay attention to all the little experiences that make you happy, you have made your foundation. Sharing all of that with someone else will give you the icing on the cake, but remember that the cake is all you. The cake is you paying attention, and the icing is you asking someone else to share its deliciousness.

It is imperative that you see that the baked batter with all of its uncomplicated greatness is incredibly amazing without the added tastes of the sugary topping that can sometimes smother the goodness of the cake’s simplicity. It is when we truly love our plain cake, just as it is, that we are able to recognize that the icing is a bonus, but not always a necessity. xoxo

The Thinker

My husband’s parents had a statue in their house for as long as I knew them. It belonged to my father in law and my mother in law gave it to us when he passed away. The statue sits in the corner of our bedroom, and I often look at the statue of the man sitting, chin in hand and eyes closed. The statue is called “The Thinker”. The original was created by Auguste Rodin, and it was originally titled “The Poet”.

I would often wonder what he could possibly be thinking of for hours on end. His slumped posture suggests worry, and sometimes I think he must be dealing with some sort of turmoil or struggle. If he is troubled, there must be a solution to whatever is keeping him in such deep thought. I want to reach out and help him find a resolution for what ails him.

Thinking of his original title, “The Poet”, I wonder if maybe he is working on a poem in the quiet of his corner. Perhaps he is not troubled but, just in need of introspection and inspiration. I tip toe past him so as not to disturb his creativity. He doesn’t notice me because he is absorbed in his passion for words. I will not disturb him because I too value the need for solitude during moments of artistic flow.

Today I stopped and saw him thinking in the glow of the sun shining through the window. It was then that I realized what this man of bronze was doing. He no longer looked absorbed in anything as intense as worry or passion. His energy was calm and reflective. It occurred to me that he may be enjoying an early morning meditation. One that would provide him with the balance and ease to think with reason, solve any problems he may have, and create great words of wisdom and rhyme.

I decided to stop what I was doing, sit in front of him so that we were face to face and take the time for my own meditation. I would like to share one with you that I recently received from a friend of mine and which I love to practice for the start and end of each day. Enjoy.

Loving-Kindness Meditation

“May I be filled with loving-kindness

May I be well

May I be peaceful and at ease

May I be happy”

Repeat for self, family, friends, community, country, world, and universe (with a smile on your face)

10 Things I Love About Everyday Life

One of the women in last week’s “Artist’s Way” group brought in a treat for each of the participants and me. It was a little packet with 10 blank tickets number 1 through 10. The packet was inscribed with “10 Things I Love About Everyday Life”. This was only the second meeting for this particular group, and I was inspired by the bond that had already developed within this group of individuals. I small gesture of this type opens a floodgate of kindness that evolves into life time friendships and support.



I opened the packet this morning and held the tickets in my hand. They had a feel of a ticket you would have received at a theatre back in the day. The ridges on either end were exaggerated and they each had a different coloured border and a space for the date. The date would correspond with whatever you wrote, on the lines provided, that you love about everyday life.

I turned the tickets around in my hands. I moved them slowly through my fingers and thought about what I love about everyday life. I didn’t want to do this quickly because I knew that this required some thought in order for me to be honest with my response to the question; what are the 10 things I love about everyday life? I also wanted to take my time because I knew that there would be a reflection during the process.

Once I got started, it was easy and my pen flowed across each ticket with ease. I was not surprised to see that each piece of gratitude contained examples of the very simple things in life, and that I had way more than 10 loves of daily living. I tried not to think of what I would have written on the tickets 10 or even 5 years ago as I would never have been so present to what truly brings me joy. However, I couldn’t help but compare my present state of mindfulness to that of the same person while she was so unaware.



I decided that I needed to be grateful for the awakening and for the gift that was given to me by one of the “deserving women”. The subtle gift of reflection presented in a colourful wrapper triggered yet more self insight. How inspiring when the participant becomes an Authentic Leader through the shear virtue of kindness and love of giving. My 11th love of everyday life became “the sudden reiteration that we are all leaders of authenticity when we each make the choice to live our life of truth”.

Shutterbugs Unite!!

I have been yearning to play with my camera for years. I have looked for photography classes or a venue that would fit my amateur status, but was never successful. I abandoned the idea assuming one is either a great photographer or one who is not so good and not worthy of instruction.

Then I crossed paths with Marla, a woman who was an acquaintance of mine some 30 years ago through work. I now consider her my friend as we have both grown into a stage of womanhood that lends to growth and truth and peace. Marla introduced me to a fellow blogger, Tracey of www.beautifuldayto.blogspot.com. Tracey is a photographer who offers workshops for multi level talented shutterbugs. I am so excited as I pursue my newfound love!!!!

Paying Attention

I finally got around to framing a painting that my husband and I purchased during our trip to Kelowna last July. I was looking at it today and was mesmerized by the beauty of it. I looked at the bird and wondered if he was dreaming of what could be, or if he was taking the time to pay attention to all that there was.

There is a certain peace that we acquire when we find happiness in the solitude of being by ourselves. We find out that we are not truly alone except for the absence of other people. Once we take the time to look around and pay attention to the gifts that surround us, we discover we are blessed with the company of so much and that we become overwhelmed by the joy that we are experiencing.

This epiphany triggers a multitude of shifts within us as we are no longer willing to sacrifice being with those who suck our joy from us. We become choosy as we surround ourselves with like minded individuals, and we walk away from those who diminish our lights.

You know, the ones who have to talk about themselves all the time. They measure everything and compete for attention. Julia Cameron of “The Artist’s Way” calls them “Crazy Makers”. They love drama and they want to be the star at all costs. They like to be the authority on everything, and they will blow out your light if it means that theirs will shine brighter. They are ego driven, and always in need. Their need over rides your need......always. They do not like to be alone because they need others to raise them up. They dream of what could be, but never do what needs to be done to get there.

They inflict destructive behaviours on you, and as an authentic person, it is your job to dis-empower them by not allowing them to control you. Say “no”. Do not give them special treatment; do not allow them to discount what you want; do not allow them to spend your time and money; do not allow them to destroy deals or schedules they have committed to; do not allow them to blame you. Do “call” them on all of this because you do not deserve to be treated like this. Crazy Makers create self-destruction while entrenched in “making crazy”. If you chose to allow a Crazy Maker in your life, you are choosing to not pay attention. If you are paying attention, you will chose to walk away.

I think the bird in the painting chose to walk away from the Crazy Makers and seek solitude. I think he is paying attention to all the beauty that surrounds him.  I think he is finding joy in his moment of peace.
xo

Being Enough

In everyone’s life there seems to be a few people who we tend to feel like “we’re just not enough” when we are with them. They don’t agree with what we think. They don’t agree with what we do. They challenge our every word and move, and then attempt to coerce us to their side. At least, that’s what it seems like.

The truth is that this may be our perception of what is going on. They may be feeling the same way. If you think about it, if they don’t agree with you, then you don’t agree with them. As the saying goes, you both may need to “agree to disagree”. By doing so, you will be respecting the other person’s beliefs and you will be allowing them to be themselves.

Agreeing to be open to our differences creates a gentler approach to being in someone’s company who is not of like mind. It is when we allow the other person to continue in their attempt to change our value system when our integrity is challenged. When we adhere to being manipulated into being someone we are not so that we feel accepted is when we have disempowered our authenticity and empowered their control over us. We have now become that person who feels like “she is never enough” because we can never feel comfortable trying to be someone we are not just for the sake of “fitting in”.

We find comfort in the “blame game” as we hold them responsible for their power over us. We call them manipulative and controlling when we, in fact, simply roll over and succumb to their control. It is how we perceive ourselves and whether or not we have the courage to react in our true form that will determine our own empowerment. If you behave according to the person you really are, you cannot be changed or controlled, and you will not feel guilty for how you think or feel. It is not about reaction, but simply about being. You will be enough, and you will feel like you are more than enough.

4 Day Weekend Bliss

Easter weekend began with a walk at in the woods on Good Friday with my daughter and our four legged buddy, Jake. Getting out in the fresh air with free time on our side was a welcome reprieve from the busyness of a regular work day. A leisurely walk turned into a brisk one as our canine companion led the way motivated by fresh spring scents. Stopping for photos was difficult as he was not interested in stopping and posing. The only rest we had was when Jake decided the lake was a water dish and drank relentlessly to satisfy his thirst. Once back at the parking lot, we realized that we had walked our route faster than ever before when our goal was really to stroll and play with our camera. Jake’s eyes were slowly closing five minutes after loading him in the car and his panting had subsided. He slept most of the rest of the day, and twitched often as he dreamed of chipmunks and squirrels.

Impatient Puppy

Thirsty Puppy

Saturday provided us with the pace we were seeking the day before as we went downtown for a little shopping. It stopped raining just as we parked the car, and we walked slowly down the main street, lattes in hand. Visiting one of my favourite shops, Very Shari, gave me my “Goddess”, “Gods” and “good energy” fix. Buddhas, angels, crystals, gems, stones and all things representing great Karma were in abundance as I saw and felt shelves of baubles, trinkets, statues and jewellery. I filled the afternoon absorbed in making Easter cards and playing in my newly rejuvenated art room.  The evening brought dinner with my husband’s family and a few quiet hours watching T.V.

One of the Great Gods at "Very Shari" in Kingston, On

Today began with an egg hunt which became a friendly, yet competitive, game between my daughter and her father; she won 45 eggs to 35. Afterwards, we met my family for brunch at Bistro Stephan. Upon our return home, I walked around my garden pleased to see the spring bulbs beginning to bloom. However, my smile faded as I was saddened to find an abandoned robin’s egg thrown out of its nest and resting in the dried grasses below.

Spring Bulbs



I now sit blogging having enjoyed a cup of tea and the ears I bit off of my Lindt dark chocolate bunny. I am thinking of a nap and then maybe a walk before beginning the Sunday dinner prep. All in all I am feeling at peace and rejuvenated while looking forward to yet another day of doing what I enjoy tomorrow. I am hopeful that you have taken advantage of this 4 day weekend blessing by spending it exactly the way you wanted!! xo

More on Support and Safety............

There are times in our lives when we become so absorbed in our own selves that we forget to see our reflection in the lives of others. Being able to recognize the connectivity of ourselves to everyone we meet will provide us with the ability to both empathize with their worries and celebrate in their achievements as they do the same for us. This is the beauty of allowing our support system into our lives.  It is a dance of give and take.

Knowing that we are not the only ones feeling pain or joy enables us to relish in the feelings of camaraderie. Recognizing that there are people in our circle who understand what we are going through and want to listen is the true definition of support. They are not there to “fix” us or challenge our feelings of achievement, but rather, empathize with our pain and feel joy for our success.

It is the fear of feedback that prevents us from sharing our feelings and thoughts. Once we have chosen the people in our lives who we know will not judge or challenge us, we can settle into being ourselves, sharing our thoughts and bringing our guard down.

This is an essential part of feeling safe and being able to grow emotionally. Being able to be ourselves and receive compassion, while simultaneously, being compassionate of those who care for us is the dance of authenticity. However, when we are in extreme pain or ultimate joy we sometimes get swept away by our own selves. We can become obsessed with how we are feeling and forget that others share the very thing we are suffering or celebrating. Our support system slowly dwindles as we push away the very heart of our support by not being supportive of others. Being aware of others is as integral to the dance as being awake to ourselves. Without the partner, the dance cannot be performed as the very body that supports us is suddenly taken away.

Recovering a Sense of Safety

A year ago, I had a vision, and it actualized in my “Deserving Space” this week. An extremely fulfilling experience, as my first group of women walked through the door and began their journey of authenticity and creativity. We spoke of being respectful of one another and using compassion while listening to each other’s sharing of thoughts and experiences. The energy in the room felt inviting and safe. The topic of conversation was “Recovering a Sense of Safety”, appropriate given the fact that 5 people were bringing their very private lives to people they had never met and an unknown environment.

The first step to being able to move toward living our true selves is feeling safe enough to walk into the fear of starting the work. This requires a strong support system in our lives, and may seem easy as you think of all the people you know and love. However, if you are moving through an authentic transition, the people in your life may not understand the changes you are experiencing. Your behaviour and talk will shift and, what they see and hear may be misunderstood. Suddenly, a space appears in your relationship and, neither one of you knows how to respond to the other. Your paradigms are most likely much different from theirs.

Keeping in mind that the other person, not you, is probably more in the dark than you are, communicating what you are feeling and thinking is the key to maintaining their support and their friendship. We must understand that our loved ones have known us for most of our lives, and they know us as we were. We need to ensure them that we are still the same person, but that we are moving through some inner work and introspection. We need to ask them for understanding and patience.

They may not understand completely, or you may be surprised to find out that they have already moved through their journey of authenticity, or that they are interested in becoming more aware themselves. You may encounter one or two members of your support team who create distance in your relationship. This is not a true reflection of how they feel about you as their behaviour is most likely based on fear; their own fear of seeking their true path of living. Giving them space and time is an act of kindness as you allow them to digest the changes in you.

Compassion for them and compassion for you will provide you with the ease and grace that you need to gently make choices that reflect your own values. Give those in your life the time to adjust as you do the same, and seek those who are of like mind and soul. Whether you are ready to start your journey of truth, are actively moving through it, or have already arrived there, surround yourself with like minded beings as you find comfort in their understanding and love. Remember to make new friends and embrace their kindness as did the “Deserving Women” when they faced their fears this week and welcomed a new support system into their lives.
xoxo

Giving a Hoot

Walking through the small village of Midland, Michigan, we stumbled upon a store called “Hoot”. My husband, peering through the window, looked at me and saw the smile on my face, “let’s go in” in succumbed. We spent quite a bit of time browsing the creative works of Sarah Barnett. I was drawn to her “dog tags” that included sayings, initials and vintage photos of people of years gone by. My husband was intrigued by a wall filled with quotes and inspirations mounted on black plaques. Moving away from the “bauble” table, my eye caught a rack filled with hand sewn tops, scarves and children’s clothing. Further on were hand crafted dishes, vases and cards and tags.

Amidst all this creative eye candy I could hear a humming noise but couldn’t figure out what it was. Once I had absorbed everything surrounding me, I tried to figure out where the humming was coming from. As I turned a corner, I saw the artist at work sitting behind a sewing machine. She sat surrounded by mounds of fabric and ribbon.

Sarah’s smile was contagious as I recognized the expression of someone experiencing true joy. We chatted briefly as I marvelled at her ability to have created a space that enabled her to work, create and, simultaneously, sell her wares. She was in artist’s heaven.

I, of course, purchased “dog tags” for me and my daughter. I did so because I was drawn to them and because I wanted to support the creative genius living in Sarah. She packaged each chain and the trinkets in lime green tissue, a “hoot” gift box and then placed them all in a polka dot cellophane bag with a ribbon to finish it off.

I wished that I could have spent more time in this treasure cove of creativity, but I knew that my husband would only last a certain amount of time, and I was probably nearing the point of leaving. I walked out with my package valued at $57 and decided that it was worth as much as this season’s hottest Coach bag.

http://www.theoaklandpress.com/articles/2010/10/28/business/doc4cca159887c61137321857.txt



Cold, Wind and Time Well Spent

I am so grateful to have spent time with my son, Simon, this past weekend. Having just recently turned 21, he has grown into a young man celebrating authenticity in fine form. Since the age of 10 when his father took him on to the golf course and held a club for the first time, he has dreamed of the game of golf day and night. He has and continues to study, watch and practice every aspect of this frustrating sport whenever he can. He is dedicated and hard working, and strives to fulfill his dream of becoming a pro golfer.

When we arrived at the Prestwick Golf Club in Highland, Michigan there was a cold, bitter wind that created temperatures worthy of winter coats, hats, mitts and wind pants. I watched the players brave the weather as they teed off on the first hole of 36 in the first day of the Detroit Titan’s Invitational. Knowing that there was a second day ahead with another round, I was a bit leary of the 15 hours of walking. Remaining positive and not wanting to complain, I was slightly worried as am very aware of my limitations and how far my energy stores will take me. I was already tired from my busy previous week, and my neck was causing me some grief from extended computer time. Bringing my thoughts back to the players, I noticed how focused they were on their game. Their calm and determination to play in the poor weather conditions motivated me to continue to follow.

After the first round my husband and I snuck away for a latte and lunch. I could feel my rheumatoid arthritis sneaking up on me, but ignored it as we rushed back to follow the last 14 holes of the second round. Being able to watch your child do what he loves creates so much pride that it over rides any thoughts of giving up on yourself. And so, as my fingers, toes and knees began to stiffen as I moved steadily forward keeping my eye on the ball at all times.

After 2 rounds and dinner at the club with the team, we headed back to the hotel. At this point, it was too late; I had initiated a flare. I went straight to bed, and woke up the next morning to nausea, a low grade fever, pain and swelling. Moving through the motions of getting ready, I talked myself into making it through the last 18 holes of the tournament. Rain was added to the weather menu, so we brought umbrellas and prayed for the storm to pass. By the time we arrived on the first hole, the rain had subsided and we were left with wind and cold.

Simon played exceptionally well that last day ending with an overall 5th place; his team was awarded with a first place finish. We celebrated with a nice lunch in the quaint town of Midland. Once back at our hotel, I looked down at my fingers that I was unable to bend or straighten. My knuckles were swollen and red, and my hands were set in a crippled stance. I took more medication and decided that a nap might do me some good. Waking up an hour later, I was in such a malaise state that I rolled over and slept another 10 hours.

I woke up this morning to the sun shining brightly, a hot shower, more medication, and a hearty breakfast. Feeling slightly better, I was ready for the 7 hour drive home. Back at home and as I write this I wonder if I made good decisions while struggling through my physical limitations of walking 50 holes on a rugged course through bitter temperatures and gusting winds. Pain and low energy levels are indicators I should listen to, and yet, my love for my son set precedence as I couldn’t miss one minute of being part of his life’s passion. Next year, on this same week of April, I will be back pushing my limits as I spend time with my son.



"Yes" and "No"

I really struggled this week with getting to my blog site. With 2 days of intensive Authentic Leadership training Monday and Tuesday and preparing to leave tomorrow for a trip to visit my son in the States for the weekend, today became my only opportunity to offer some thoughts for the week. On Sunday I looked ahead in my day timer and realized that I would be saying “no” on many occasions in the days ahead in order to prioritize what I wanted to accomplish. Amazingly, my practice facilitation topic during my training yesterday was “How do I learn to say “no” and be o.k. with it”?

I already knew that saying “no” can be extraordinarily freeing, but what I also learned was that the truly fulfilling side of this act is the opportunity to say “yes” to so many other things. Because saying “no” can be perceived as negative and uninviting to yourself and others, saying “yes” becomes very positive and exciting. There is so much talk about saying “no” and how difficult it is to turn people down and the guilt that is felt by uttering this very short word. So, let’s make it easy by turning it around and making it a “yes” to all the great possibilities that it presents.

“Yes” to all the things you want to do, instead of “no” to all the unimportant, unfulfilling things you struggle to fit into your life. When you look at all of the great “yes” options, you will see how ridiculous it would be to choose doing the obvious “no’s” in your life. You will find that the “yes” experiences you choose will be the things that bring you the most joy in your life. The “no’s” will be task oriented “to do” things that can wait until tomorrow, next week or even next year. You may even decide to shelve them forever.

This is the reason you did not hear from me at the beginning of this week. I needed to prioritize and do something that meant the world to me; something that gave me great purpose and joy. It is the same reason that you will not likely hear from me until next Monday as I leave tomorrow morning to visit my son to celebrate his 21st birthday. I will bring my computer, and if the opportunity arises, I will do a little blogging, but it may not be on the top of my list as I say “yes” to spending time with my number one son.

Once in a Blue Moon

Once the weather shifts from the bitter cold to above zero temperatures, my dog and good buddy, Jake is blessed with a long daily walk. Unfortunately, anything more than five degrees below freezing causes my fingers and toes extreme grief so, we only attempt a quick walk around the block. During the work week, I wait until everyone has left for school and work. On Saturdays, I take my time to read the paper and have coffee and breakfast with my husband. I then get dressed and come out to let him know that I am leaving for my walk. Every Saturday, I ask him if he would like to come with me, and I cannot remember the last time that he said, “Yes”. Until today, when he looked up at me, and agreed to come along.

Rather than show my surprise, I told him I would wait for him to get ready, and I smiled to myself as I went to get my coat. I don’t mind walking on my own; I actually quite like it as I do a lot of thinking and planning while I move along my route. However, I also enjoy walking with my husband as it provides us with the luxury of uninterrupted conversation. It’s not that there are a lot of people in our house or even much going on, but there are other distractions that get in the way.

There is the ever present vibration of the blackberrys, the drone of the T.V with C.N.N. and the Golf channel, the lap tops that each of us have readily available with emails coming in at a steady stream, and our daughter’s constant movement throughout the house. With all of this surround sound, it is difficult to stay focused on any serious or casual conversation.

So, when my husband was affirmative on the walk, I was secretly ecstatic. I would have him all to myself. I would most definitely be doing most of the talking because I am the talker in our relationship, and he would be 100 percent focused on every word I would say because he would have nothing else to look at or listen to. And so it went, just like that. I spoke, he listened and then provided affirmations, suggestions, and opinions; my great and smart sounding board. It seems like such a small thing to be thankful for, but, if you think about it, it really is quite a big deal ~ to have your husband's complete attention for one whole hour, without interruption! I will continue to ask my partner to go for a walk with me, every Saturday, and for that every "once in a blue moon" that he says, “Yes”, I will be very grateful to have him all to myself.



A Piece of Sky

The first time I watched the movie, Yentl was in 1983 during its debut. I was 23 years old and had long been a fan of Barbra Streisand. Back then, I interpreted the movie to be about a young woman who wanted to get an education, pretended to be a man in order to do so, and then fell in love with her mentor. This is all very true, but really only touches on the story’s outline. I listened to “A Piece of Sky” and thought it was about finding a man and being happy. I now realize, 27 years later, that it is all about being deserving of everything that we wish for.

Dreams often feel very abstract, and yet, they are a reflection of our true perception of reality. They send us messages in convoluted ways, and if we took the time to analyse them, I know that they could be a guide if we decided to take their lead. Dreams, along with everyday events, give us clues into what is available to us. When we turn our backs to those subliminal angels, we create blocks to all that is available to us. Sometimes, we just need to open the door to what has come knocking.

This requires being awake and looking at what is being offered when we are not dreaming. It really is right there in front of you. Sometimes, you need to be brave and ask for it. If you are thinking about doing something, you most likely have the ability to make it happen. If you are not taking the first step toward what you want, there is something that you are allowing to stop you. It’s a block that you have chosen not to get rid of.

Most blocks consist of other people’s opinions. When we muster up the courage to share a passion, most certainly there will be that one person in our life who decides to try to shut us down. They very nicely or not so nicely indicate that our dream is ridiculous or unattainable. This is a critical moment in the creation or destruction of our growth. This is when we decide whether that individual’s opinion is real or not. This is when we have the ability to remember that, just because the words flowed out of his or her mouth, doesn’t mean that they make what is said real. It is only real if we truly believe what is said. If we believe what someone else says more than what we feel is true, we have diminished our dream to nothingness. We must seek and ask for what we want, and allow nothing to get in our way. Why should we settle for just a piece of the sky when we can have it all?

A Piece of Sky ~  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNYjeXyO08k



"The Man That Got Away"

This morning as I was eating my breakfast I heard music coming from my daughter’s bedroom, and it sounded vaguely familiar. After a few moments, I realized that it was a sound from my past. I sipped my coffee, and the sound of Judy Garland’s voice belting out “The Man That Got Away” threw a vision in front of me that nearly knocked me off my bar stool. There I was as a 16 year old girl, standing on the family living room ottoman with an antique wooden pill crusher in my right hand, held in front of my mouth, as I belted out show tunes with all the passion of a star on Broadway. I shook my head back to reality, and tried to figure out why Judy Garland was on my daughter’s ipod.

Is it possible that this little piece of me has rubbed off on my 17 year old after all these years of me playing show tunes of the 40’s, 50’s and 60’s? It appears so as half way through the song she came waltzing into the kitchen, her fist up to her mouth, singing the chorus like she was Judy herself.

When I was young, we would come home from church and stack the stereo, 6 albums at a time, from the classics; Judy along with Barbra Streisand, Billie Holiday, Bobby Darin, Dinah Washington, Doris Day, Lena Horne, Peggy Lee, Paul Anka, Dusty Springfield and all the members of the “rat pack” were included in this Sunday morning line up. I saw myself as one of them. I envisioned myself on stage singing each of their songs. I felt every emotion they felt as they sang the stories of love and heartbreak. I still believe that there is nothing better than listening to these songs as they sounded back then with all the crackling of the old LPs and the audience applauding in the background. It all comes down to the “feel”; the stirring of your heart; the depth of the music, and the amount of soul that the singer offers to the performance.

I played a rendition of “The Man That Got Away” by Barbra Streisand for my daughter. I indicated that I preferred it to Judy Garland’s and she scoffed at my choice. She felt that the original by Garland was far superior, but couldn’t tell me why; she just “felt” that way. Fair enough; it is all about the “feel”.

Take a moment and listen to these two super stars sing one of my favourite songs of all time. They will both stir your emotions, but one will capture your heart more than the other. Enjoy!!!!

"The Man That Got Away"
Judy Garland  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tLG1GwKqIg&feature=related
Barbra Streisand  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Ma-GOjXzu4

She packed up her potential and all she had learned,
grabbed a cute pair of shoes, and headed out to change a few things.
Her heart glowed with a degree of happy assurance.......

Movie Night

Friday nights are “movie night” in my house. We started this tradition when my children were young, and it has maintained its place on our schedule, albeit with a few changes occurring over the years. My son has been away at school for 2 years so, he no longer participates  When he comes home for the summer, he is busy with other activities and socializes with his friends. My daughter, who is in grade 11 and still lives at home, now has a boyfriend, a job, and many other things to fill her time rather than sit with her 50-something parents watching a movie that she probably has no interest in.

Unfortunately, Friday night T.V. hosts a variety of sporting events of which my husband sees much more valuable use of his time watching. Since half of the family has bailed on our “quality time”, he deems family night, well, non-existent. We “shoddy” the big screen as we both believe that what we are each watching equally qualifies for the HD experience. We will compromise depending on the importance of the tournament or the rating of the movie, but generally, it’s a “call” system. Last night I got the big screen, but I did wait until the golf tournament finished.

Many would wonder why we don’t watch sports together first and then enjoy the movie. The answer is simple, we just don’t want to, and we are o.k. with it. There are times, like tonight, when we watch the “Final Four” together because I enjoy a good basketball game. Sometimes I watch a bit of golf because I have nothing better to do and I am somewhat interested in it. But for the most part, I don’t like to invest much time in watching sports. When I relax, I like to have a nice glass of wine and watch a good movie or one of my favourite shows, and so, that’s what I do. I don’t expect my husband to watch my choice of films, although he does sometimes join me when the subject peaks his interest.

In the end, there is only so much time in a day, and we each have our favourite things to do. We like to do a lot of things together, but we have found that we need to respect how the other chooses to spend time alone as well. It works for us, and there is no guilt involved. Finding what makes your family happy together is important. Investing time doing what makes you happy on your own is equally valued and well-deserved.

Babs

I had coffee with my beautiful friend, Barbara, today. She is a Greek Goddess who is turning 79 this year. We had not planned our coffee meeting; we never do. I walked into the coffee shop, and there she sat alone at a table for two. She stood out in the crowd, elegantly poised in a gorgeous slate skirt and blouse, with an accented feathered fringed sweater and black heels. Her naturally silver hair sits in a bob style with wisped bangs that intermittently fall forward. Her carefully manicured hands gently push the hair back as she adds a quick flick of her head to the manoeuvre.

I have known Barbara for years as she frequented my parents’ delicatessen when I was just a teenager. We were worlds apart back then; she was a young mother, raising a family, and I was in high school thinking about what I wanted to be when I grew up. I was happy to see her today because we haven’t chatted for a while. We are 30 years apart in age, but it is different now as I understand and respect her great words of wisdom. We both have European backgrounds so I understand her husband’s philosophy of life as I grew up with a father of similar views.

She still lives in her large family home with her husband. She would like to move into something smaller, but her husband refuses, and so she is eager to do what is necessary to meet his wishes by renovating and perhaps closing off some of the house. She laughs as she tells me how ridiculous he is being, but I know that she says this with much love because she thrives on her purpose to take care of him. She goes on to tell me that he will never change as he wishes to die in the house that he is so proud of. Her Greek accent becomes thicker as she gets a little annoyed and explains that this house represents more than a place to eat and sleep. It is everything her husband has worked for; his wife, his children, his extended family. It is a place for his children and grand children to come back to, and it brings him extended joy to be able to provide them with the comfort of space and abundance while relishing in their company.

Barbara tells me that she must be respectful of his wishes, and will not take this away from him because it is what motivates him to get up every morning. Every day, she argues with him about moving, knowing that he will never change his mind. I ask her why she continues to natter at him if she knows he will never budge. I tell her she should not waste her energy.  She looks at me with a glimmer in her eyes and slowly says, “it’s a lot of fun, getting him all worked up; it’s what I enjoy doing”! I respond with a chuckle, “you’re bad Barbara, but I know that you love him and want him to be happy”. “Of course”, she says, “but don't let him know that”! Lovely Barbara........

xoxo

Being Wise and Flabby Bellies

Watching an episode of Oprah featuring Bo Derek, I was reminded again of how balance naturally and repeatedly presents itself. She remarked that as we grow older and our bodies begin to slowly betray us, it is somewhat reassuring that our minds compensate by becoming more the wiser. What an incredible statement of the universe’s ability to take and then give back.

This message came to me in a timely manner as it was just this morning that I pulled out a pair of pants not worn for a few months. They were slightly tighter than previously worn, and I was perplexed as I haven’t changed my eating or my physical activity. It didn’t take me long to figure out what was going on. I’m getting older and everything is slowing down a bit. The metabolism isn’t what it used to be, and the old body is starting to shift.

The great thing is that it doesn’t really bother me. I could work out more, but I really loath strength training, so that’s not happening!!! This is the “getting wiser” balancing act coming in as I am consciously choosing to enjoy spending my time on experiencing life rather than dwelling on my inevitable flaccid waist line. How interesting that someone once dubbed “the perfect 10” triggered the epiphany of mind/body balance.

Being "right" or Being "happy"

We go through life in fear of making mistakes. Once mistakes are made, we fear facing them and being accountable to them. They exhibit our weaknesses, and, in our minds, make us less of a person. And yet these mistakes are an integral part of us that is real and reflect the fact that we are imperfect.

Imperfection is the truth, and yet, we fear facing it because there is some crazy notion dancing in our heads that we must strive for perfection. Unattainable, our limitations sometimes get us into tough spots that we worry we cannot get out of.  Our want of perfection becomes more difficult than we thought.  We become exhausted by the complications of achieving something so close, yet so far away.

Everything can be worked through, albeit with some pain, as long as we are willing to “face the music”. Having the courage to stand face to face to those affected and admit to your misgivings is the first step to self-forgiveness. It is then the choice of others to also forgive you.

This may not happen; thus the pain of rejection. Possibly more difficult to bear is the lack of forgiveness from someone else. But remember that their unwillingness to accept you as you are is due to the fear that lives inside of them. This is their weakness that they have not faced and welcomed as part of themselves. To not forgive others is to believe that you are perfect and not capable of making a poor choice.

By not accepting our inadequacies, we create dishonesty and ruin relationships. Trust in ourselves and others is dissolved and replaced with emotional turmoil. Perfection is a goal that leads us on a painful journey of being endlessly unsuccessful. It is the difference between being “right” and being “happy”.  It is unrealistic and unattainable.  Accepting ourselves, mistakes and all, is the only way that we can get as close to perfection as possible.

This little beauty sat perched on my fence post for almost an hour.  I was mesmerized by her ability to sit quietly, absorbing the peacefulness of the morning.

For my friend Walter

I fixed my spelling mistake!!!!  xoxoxoxo

Feelings, Thoughts, Clarity, Choices.......

Feelings lead to thoughts; thinking leads to clarity; clarity leads to making choices. Picking the choice that best fits you is the part that takes the most courage. Often the ego gets in the way and sways our decision. This is where the “thinking” part of the process becomes the most prevalent as egos tend to push us away from thinking clearly and authentically. We allow our perception of what others think about us guide us in the direction of being unauthentic. We may feel triumphant as we think that we appear “better” or more “successful” but, it is a fleeting moment as we quickly start seeking the next endeavour of shallow bravado.

It becomes an addiction as we move through a daily process of inputting tasks and accomplishments in place of the void of being true. Our days become filled with continual “doing” bearing no relevance on “who” we are, only what we can accomplish. The “who” comes from acting upon how we feel. Moving from a place of emotion can only create what is real for you. There will be no hesitation as it feels right and good and real. There is no sense of question because you know that if you are experiencing something from the heart, it is what it is. It can only be altered if you allow your ego to step in and change its existence from real to, well, something that is not. If it is not real, nothing true can be felt and then, how can it have any significance to you at all?

Tomorrow is Sunday; traditionally a day of rest. It used to be the day that I got up early to catch up on laundry, cleaning and cooking, etc.  Not anymore; I'm not feelin' it!!!  Wake up and just feel what comes to you. Think about how you are feeling without allowing others or anything to influence those thoughts. Be clear about your thinking and keep it simple; it is what it is. Your choices will be easy and you will be back to feeling again. And so the cycle will continue.

The Longevity of Joy

I recognized so much of me as I was having a conversation with a young lady joining a work shop this morning. We were discussing the incredible value that she places on having to fill every moment of her day with something productive. It brought back memories of a person that used to live inside of me, but who I have long abandoned.

It is true that I sometimes fight the urge to make a list or think about what I could be accomplishing, rather than enjoying something without a task oriented purpose. However, for the most part, it doesn’t present itself anymore because these needs were “fillers” for me in the past. They were my unconscious “go to” when I didn’t want to deal with what was really lacking in my life. The problem back then was that I knew I was missing something, but I wasn’t brave enough to discover what it was. I thought that if I did, it would reveal a “not good enough” self. I hadn’t discovered my true self and what lay down in the depth of my soul.

How do you explain this to someone and what is that “soul” thing? Is it spirituality? Is it God? Is it your purpose? Is it your significance in this universe? Is it wisdom? How do you describe something that hasn’t been discovered yet? Because that is what we are looking for; that little significant something that we know is within us but, we haven’t noticed yet or don’t know how to get to. You need to be at a place in your life when you are willing to allow yourself to investigate each layer until you reach the spot of discovery, your soul. It can be painful and joyful all at the same time. The end result is triumphant.

Many have told me that you need to be older and have experienced decades of life to be at the point of “soul discovery”. Not so. The woman I spoke to this morning is 20 years old and oh so wise. She has experienced more than anyone her age should experience, and she is very ready to dig deep and come out feeling loved and deserving, as we all should.

She was not desperate or anxious, sad or happy; just incredibly ready to do the work. She looked in my eyes and said, “I don’t have fun anymore; I just want to have fun”. What an epiphany for her; she is looking for the joy of life and all that will bring to her. She will find her purpose, and she will live authentically for longer than most.

Debating Authenticity

“Believe nothing, no matter where you read it or who has said it, not even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense”. Buddha

This quote, very clearly, resonates with the entire authenticity dilemma. We tend to believe in something because we have allowed ourselves to be intimidated into agreeing with someone else’s value in it.  It's called peer pressure, and it happens with adults just as much as with children and teens. However, deep in our own belief system, it does not sit well. It is a struggle as the defender of the belief communicates a strong argument and you are unable to verbally express your rebuttal.

It does not matter; winning the argument does not validate anything; it just means that the winner is a better debater. What holds clout is living the belief you own without even discussing it; you have won the debate by “doing” it. That is the triumph, the gold medal; that is authenticity in its truest form.

Smiles

Flying home from Vancouver yesterday on the 11:30 a.m.West Jet flight 650 I met a kind woman who happened to be one of the flight attendants.  She stood at the door and welcomed everyone walking on board. She had a personality that exuded positive and contagious energy, and an extraordinary smile. Ironically, just as I was thinking this, she commented on my smile and compared my “sparkling” eyes to Bette Midlers’.

Something I have discovered is that we often notice traits in other people that we own ourselves. We unconsciously find them either more attractive or more offensive in someone else. We tend to recognize, compliment or criticize them easily while looking from the other side.

It is a great day when we finally value our own attributes and forgive our transgressions with more ease than we are used to doing. Rather than feeling like we need to “change” ourselves, we realize that we are pretty much alright just the way we are. This allows us to grow and evolve rather than try to change into someone we are not.

After I chatted with my new friend (I cannot remember her name; it was as unique as she was) while waiting in line for the washroom, I realized why I was drawn to her. It was that smile. Every time she spoke to someone, she looked directly into their eyes and she immediately smiled. It was a sincere gesture that came naturally to her. She was also intrigued by people, and she asked them questions attempting to get to know them. It was obvious that this was something she truly loved to do. She found people interesting, and she had found an occupation that incorporated her love and interest of people into every minute of her day. Whether she was thinking of this when she chose her profession or not, I do not know, but it certainly worked out for her because she seemed to find joy in every aspect of her what she was doing.

When we walked off the plane, she was the person that West Jet had chosen to say good bye to their passengers; good call!! She focused all of her attention on each person as she addressed them while they disembarked. I could see her smile as I moved up the aisle to leave, and when it was my turn to say good bye, we simultaneously said, ``keep smiling``!

This is someone who makes every person she meets in a day feel great. She may not know it, but this is her purpose in life and she does it well and without missing a beat. I wish her much joy and hope that she receives as many smiles in a day as she gives away.

What a Difference a Day Makes!!!!

Everyone has reconciled, and it seems that, along with spring, forgiveness is also in the air. I love people and the way they are able to adapt to other’s neurosis. It appears that I reverted to my old self under stress; not a pretty picture. And to top it all off, my body decided to go into “period” mode after 6 months. Never a good thing when you are trying to juggle what seems like a hundred things and your hormones move into overdrive. I will admit, the ping pong effect of those little monsters play havoc on my reasoning skills.

I know that most women don’t like to admit that their hormones affect their judgement, but in my case, they do. I also get tired, frustrated and short tempered. I am unable to focus on small tasks, and the things that I do focus on are, in reality, unimportant and petty; thus, my melt down yesterday.

In the past, I would have thought me a bad person, and I would have allowed the “guilty” gods to take over my very soul. But instead, I reflected on my thoughts, my feelings and my actions and forgave myself and then let it all go. I took myself out to run some last minute errands for my upcoming trip to Vancouver with my daughter, bought a new CD and sat with a latte for an hour thinking of absolutely nothing. The power of the moment is worth more than anything that has happened or is forthcoming.

I bid you all adieu for the upcoming week as I will be taking a break from the blogging world while immersing myself into my friend’s company that will include shopping therapy accompanied by wine and a lot of laughter. xoxoxoxo

Loving the Ugly Pieces along with the Pretty

Electronic messages are tricky things. Whether you are writing them or reading them, one must be ever so careful in their wording, but even more so, in the tone that could be interpreted on the receiving end. This is even more prevalent in a group message scenario as there are so many variables that influence how a message is perceived that we must take them all into account. Each person opening the email has her own personality loaded with the good, the bad and the ugly. Any given day could trigger one or all of these wonders, and it is sometimes not very pretty! Given the dynamics of the group, whether the members are co-workers, friends or acquaintances, the communication could come across completely different from what was intended.

I was in this situation today as I opened my inbox to 49 emails after not having my computer for a few days. Trying to get ready for a trip this coming week and keeping up to date on my work and in touch with my family and friends, I found myself overwhelmed with the number of messages before me. I took a deep breath and started replying to them one by one.

There were a couple of emails in particular that were sent from members of a group that I found time consuming, and I was somehow annoyed by them. I had a knee jerk reaction, wrote a reply that I thought was appropriate given how my interpretation made me feel, hesitated momentarily before I hit the “send” button, and then regretted it. It wasn’t long before I received a reply and I was promptly put in my place. I had clearly annoyed someone as much as I had been.

I took an hour to sit back and reflect on what had happened. I had that “icky” feeling in my stomach, and I wondered if it was because someone had put me in my place, or because I realized that I had misinterpreted the previous emails and had made a mistake. I re-read all of the emails, and it turns out it was all of the above. Now I had a decision to make. I could pretend that I was “right” and act like nothing had happened, or I could take the high road and admit my error.

I decided to allow my integrity to guide me as I wrote yet one more email expressing my apologies to all involved. If I have learned anything at all during my journey to self love, it is that I must like all of the little bits that create me as a whole person. That includes the kind me and the fun me, the loving me and the caring me, but it also includes that little piece of me that makes mistakes from time to time. It is a gentle reminder that we are not perfect and that our imperfections help to create the balance of self that promote gratitude for all that we are.  It enables us to forgive ourselves for our not so pretty parts, even there are those who won't.

Complicated Coffee

http://www.thewhig.com/PrintArticle.aspx?e=3012059

When I first read the column, see link above, by Brian MacLeod (coffee shops say a lot about people) I immediately placed my self on the defensive post as he provided various opinions on the reasons individuals chose to walk through either the Starbucks’ door or the Tim Hortons’ door. The entire premise that we choose one over the other based on politics is, quite frankly, ludicrous. I do frequent Starbucks on a daily basis, and I am one of those people who sit in front of the fireplace in “the cluster” discussing a multitude of topics with fellow Starbonites. I admit from the outside it may appear that we have formed some kind of friendly cult. However, I think I can speak for my cluster companions when I say that we drive in the Starbucks parking lot, first and foremost, because we love the coffee. No political agenda could ever influence a true coffee lover’s choice of their most important first beverage of the day; we really don’t care where the beans are grown.

The second deciding factor is unarguably the atmosphere. I just really like the music and the comfy chairs which has nothing to do with who I am going to vote for or whether I want to recycle or not. This environment does initiate relaxation and conversation, two things that we all deserve and are greatly lacking in our world of “getting things done”. The fact that the employees (I don’t care what their titles are) are kind and customer service focused is the icing on the red velvet cupcake.

I was offended that Mr. MacLeod would think me an elitist because I choose to sit in a comfy chair listening to the music of my favourite genre while enjoying my caffeine fix. Just as I am sure the patrons of Tim Hortons are offended that they are not considered worthy of the elitist status because they chose to go across the street. We, Starbonites, apparently, only talk about “books, community meetings and the environment”; how boring we are!! I can assure you that those of us huddled in front of the fireplace (which is working as I sit in front of it typing on my laptop) have wonderful conversations about hockey games, our kids’ activities, and day to day observations along with those political, religious and business discussions. I also know that the Timmies clan are just as capable of discussing the environment and their political party, along with making business deals while sipping their double, doubles.

As for the observation that one finds only university students “discussing how to control the world” and “nicely dressed” 50 somethings at Starbucks, Mr. MacLeod you need to get out more. As I sit here now, I see 4 people of various ages, young to old using laptops and ipads. They are the minority here, but if their electronic device determines where they would have their coffee, they are here because of the free wifi. There is also a room full of patrons ranging in age from their twenties to their seventies, none of us are stressing about how we want to gain control over anything; we really are quite relaxed! As for the attire of us “elitists”, I see sweats, uniforms, business suits, jeans and t-shirts, work shoes, high heels, and a variety of running shoes; the same as our fellow coffee lovers in Tim Hortons.

In the end, can’t we just simplify this and admit that each of us chooses our coffee destination to suit a personal preference of taste and surroundings, rather than basing it on political preference or social status? It seems that my latte order just became even more complicated than it already was!!

"If you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all"

There is a little girl who lives without any praise from her father. Not only does she not receive any words of encouragement but, she cannot remember a time that her father told her he loved her. She doesn’t recollect him telling her that she did a good job, or that he was proud of her. She doesn’t specifically think about these things, but she does feel a void in her life. Her mother pretends that everything is alright. She lives in a world of make belief as she ignores the emotional absence of her husband in both her and her children’s lives. All of her energy goes toward justifying his actions and his lack of attention; a lot of work and a lot of time.

The scenario of this little girl is a reality for many people. Whether the roles are reversed or the details somewhat different, most of us come from a degree of dysfunctional living. Rather than simply face up to the fact that it exists, we tend to deny and hide it. This is another example of striving for the “perfect” family, the “perfect” existence; God forbid if we admit that we have imperfections and may want to take a look at them. Instead children believe that the dysfunctional life they are brought up in is normal. It’s all they know so, why would they think any differently. Neither one of their parents told them otherwise so they grow up continuing the pattern of what is familiar to them.

The problem is that at some point (usually when she has children of her own) this little girl realizes that something isn’t right. She grows up and she has a different life in mind for her children. Does she fight the pattern, or go along like her mother did? Does she go with her intuition and fight the familiar. She wants her children to hear that she is proud of them, that they are smart, that they are funny, that they are kind, that they make good choices, that their hair looks good, that they look amazing when they get ready in the morning and that they are loved.  Hopefully, her love for her child allows her to do just that. Just as it is easier to smile than to frown, it is easier to be kind than to be harmful. It is the mother who the little girl must depend on to make the decision that comes from her heart. This is transformed into protection and love. This is the mother’s job.

The Bonus of Authenticity

The amazing road from feeling numb and disempowered to a place of feeling and empowerment is, unfortunately, the “road less traveled”. We wonder, “Why do we most often choose the route of self abandonment and emotional pain?” Why do we feel that we are not worthy of happiness and sheer joy? So many of us find ourselves in this predicament, and yet, we do nothing about it; we stand still. Years and years go by. We know we should release ourselves, but we stay and, slowly, we lose all sense of ourselves.

Knowledge, experience and finally desperation sometimes bring some of us to a place of action and such gratitude that we finally found the courage to escape our own gated community of suppression. With all of this freedom comes other fears to face; will my husband support me, what will my children think, will my friends understand? And with all of this possible support, thinking and understanding, how will they respond?

I got to a point of such utter self loss that I didn’t care. I felt that it was “do or die”. I was so good at acting happy that I don’t think anyone realized how I was feeling. I moved into a self recovery mode, and didn’t even explain my thoughts or actions to anyone close to me. It was difficult for them because this was an extension of the person they thought they knew, but had never seen before. My sub-conscious plan was a surprise to everyone including me. It evolved solely out of a need to survive emotionally.

You may wonder, “Why would you put them through the mystery, the worry and the wonder of your transformation?  Why wouldn't you just explain it to them?” I couldn't.  It was time for me to just do it.  It was because, without realizing it, I knew that the outcome would be positive for everyone who knew me. I worried that if I talked about it, someone might try to talk me out of it, including me.  I also knew at the time that I had no energy or thought capacity for explanations. I was still in the initial stages of my evolution and explaining "me" to others at that point would have felt more like defending myself. Justifying "me" was what I had done all my life, and I had been living a fraudulent persona for a very long time. I was now moving toward authenticity so, having to explain myself was not congruent with what my true self was. I was tired of explaining and ready to just be me.

Somehow, I was confident that anyone in my life who truly loved me would stick around no matter how scary the introduction of me, as I really am, would be. I was confident because I knew that the real me was the only way that I could exist and be happy, and if I was happy then those around me would be as well. There were some bumpy periods, but we all got through them quite unscathed. The few people that left my immediate world are living happily in theirs.  I wish them only authenticity and joy.

I think that although I have undergone a significant transformation, my fake self and I have always had one thing in common; the love of others. The added bonus of authenticity is that I now also love me as I really am.

Unblocking Beliefs

A friend of mine said to me, “I don’t feel like proving myself any more”. I understood. We come to a time in our lives when we are tired of the constant cycle of working toward seeking approval, adapting to what is necessary to obtain approval, and then starting all over again. We suddenly realize that shifting our behaviour to fit what someone else is looking for, only provides us with blocks that prohibit us from taking our natural course. For every positive in our life, our sub conscious retaliates with a negative, and we remain stagnate and unable to grow. The fear of leaving what is familiar, even if it provides unhappiness, keeps us from all we know that will make us happy.

Making the conscious choice to only allow positive affirmations in is a huge step toward achieving what we really want. For years, I had excuses as to why I could not write; no time, no money, people would think I was crazy, what if I wasn’t really good, my family wouldn’t support me, my husband would tell me it wasn’t realistic, and so on. Now I realize that all of these negative affirmations were defensive thoughts that kept me away from my dream of becoming a writer. I felt that I needed to focus on them to keep me from the failure that I was sure I would reach. After much work, I established that each thought came from a place, a person and a time in my past.

Breaking down my life in 2 to 5 year increments was the best way for me to figure out where these negative statements came from. Pinpointing who was the most influential person in my life at that time, or what significant event occurred during those years, or where I was at that time made it much easier to make the correct association to my negative feelings. I was not concerned with associating fault or blame in relation to my blocks, but I needed to understand their origins in order to be able to deflect them and allow positive energy in. Once I did that, I was able to determine how ludicrous it was that I was allowing other people’s opinions, and events to influence my decisions. Their belief system was after all only that, a system of beliefs. They weren’t necessarily truths or facts, just what they believed. If that were the case, then there was no reason why my beliefs could not prevail over theirs.

Seems simple, and yet it is not. The chatter that comes from the back of our head is composed of the beliefs of the parents who raised us, the friends we socialized with, the culture we lived in, the church we prayed in and the teachers who taught us. Our brain has been conditioned to believe all that we are familiar with even if our soul believes the complete opposite. The struggle is enormous, and the fear to fight what we have been told from birth in order to live authentically can be so strong that we surrender to it and live in stagnancy.

It is time to work through these blocks, believe in our hearts and move toward the happiness we all deserve. Going against the grain to do what makes us happy is the right thing to do. Doing it by trusting ourselves is the only way to achieve it. Believing in ourselves will get us there much faster than we expect. There is no one to live up to and no one to prove ourselves to. We just “do”, and we just “be”.

Expecting the Best

I always experience an inkling of hesitation when approaching someone for a favour. It is very seldom that I ask any one for their time or space unless I am able to provide them with something in return. However, I have come to realize that there are more people in the world willing and wanting to give than there are those who wish only to receive. I was blessed to have met Susan at Marchant Rubber Stamps earlier this year and to have had a very welcoming conversation with her today.

I approached her with the idea of providing her customers with my “Artist’s Way” 12 step workshop brochure believing that my creative workshops were the perfect fit with her shop and all that she had to offer. The jitters came as I drove over and started wondering if she would recognize the same value that I did. Scepticism mounted as that silly chatter began talking at the back of my brain. She’s successful; why would she bother giving me the opportunity to benefit from what she had spent years to build?

With all of this mounting inside of me, I managed to put on my hat of courage and walk confidently into her well-stocked store of stamps and scrap booking supplies. Stumbling a little on my first few words, she smiled warmly at me, and her body language allowed me to continue without any regret. I explained what my workshops entailed, describing week 6 as a creative cluster during which we create card masterpieces utilizing materials and many items that she sells in her store. I finished my blurb, and Susan quickly made a spot on her counter near her cash register for a small display which included my brochures and the text book, “The Artist’s Way”.

I walked away thankful that there are people like Susan in the world. People who value other’s creative spirit, and have giving souls. Entrepreneurship still thrives with the magic of networking combined with individual passion. From all of this, I have learned that expecting the best in people usually provides you with just that, the best.

check out the Marchant web site and blog for great creative ideas.......

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